MTK Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 OK. To start things off, I am 21 yrs. old, and the girl is 19. We both attend the same small college, and are both Sophmores -she moved ahead a year in school and I was delayed (no I didn't flunk at any point!). We had first met at an event in Michigan in 2000, but nothing happened, we didn't talk at all-she just had a mental mindset that she loved me then. Her father took a job in Illinois in 2002, and we "rediscovered" each other in May of 2002. We fell in love from the very start, but never said anything to each other, though we both knew it was there. We wrote emails (hundreds literally) every night to each other and talked over the internet for some 8 months before we couldn't hide it any longer and confessed our love for each other. Through this time, we did see each other every other month for a little while. It was a complicated situation to say the least. Her parents were very big Christians, and would have forbidden any sort of dating between us. My sr. year of HS (03-04), we kept this up, but were now offically dating. I tried to sneak off and see her as much as possible, even though it tended to be once every couple months. We told each other our innermost thoughts, our goals, and our secrets that we wouldn't have told anyone else. I was completely faithful to her, and she was to me. We shared our "first time" with each other, which wasn't exactly easy to say the least -we definately had some learning to do! My fr. year of college (04-05), I was able to talk her into becoming and independent which she very much wanted, and to go to California to turn 18. I spent many nights on the phone or talking to her on AIM, etc. She'd come for a visit every other month and would spend 5 or 6 days with me at school. We'd cry when she'd have to go back. She even got me to lie to my parents for me to spend a week out in California with her and we had an unbelievable time together. We didn't see her very much over the summer (2005), but she was finally able to come to my school this past fall. I played football, and our conference schedule called for many weekend bus trips to ND, WI, MN. She was faithful to me on those weekend trips, which must have been pretty hard considering I was gone during the week a lot too because of practice, school, work. This winter, she went to France and stayed with her very depressed aunt and her uncle who is pretty funloving I suppose. She came back, and we had our good moments together, but things started going south. She'd be upset over something, or I would, and we would just go on pissing one another off. We'd kiss and make up, but then we'd be at each other again. On my 21st birthday, I became upset that she went off with some of her friends to another town for an hour and a half after her study session, when I really wanted to spend time with her. On top of it, my friend across the hall did some hazing to me when I was asleep and then to her. I was pissed to say the least. My 21st b-day sucked, put simply. Anyway, I was still ticked off the next morning, and she decided to have a talk with me. I don't remember the details, but we had another talk later that day. Between 4-5p.m. she decided to separate for a little while. Mind you, we've been dating for close to 3 years at this point, and were friends for a year before that. I took it fairly well, then she went off and did her study session. She talked to me online, and we were ok for a little while. She called me up, and wanted to see me. She said she made a mistake and wanted me back, of course I took her in because I love her that much. We were to be publicaly separate, but privately back together until after spring break. For the record, we both planned to get married, but never discussed it openly to each other. Anyway, the next day she went to Florida for spring break. I went to Tennessee and then home. She didn't talk very much over spring break, and kept saying that she wanted to talk to me in person. I later found out that she also talked to the "new guy" during the trip to Florida, but fortunately he was in Wisconsin at the time. Well, we both returned from spring break on the 19th. She decided that she wanted to be separate for a while. We kissed and hugged, and even joked during the breakup. For something like this to happen, I'd say the breakup that day went very well. I ate breakfest with her the next morning, and talked to her as well. I saw her on Wed. hanging out with another guy, smiling, acting cheerful, etc. For me, the breakup was devastating -I immediately knew something wasn't right. I confronted her about it, and she confessed that she was dating him now. We waited 8 months before we first said that we loved each other, we then waited 9 months before we had sex for the first time ever. It took her 2 days before she had already made out with him and slept in his bed. I asked for a mediation with her and the school's conselor to apologize for my actions of the confrontation with her. We finally had it 2 weeks later. She acted very defensive and somewhat rude to me, which I was very calm and relaxed, and basically said I still cared for her, and I was sorry for becoming confrontational. The only real reason she could give was, "I just don't feel it anymore." She said she was in love with me, and did care for me though while we were still together. But she asked for no contact with me whatsoever in the future, and I agreed. Since then, she has asked me once a week for something back like an essay on my computer, a camera she had given me -she returned it so I could finish a project I had started with it (which she said I could keep on the 2nd breakup on the 19th!), and just recently to return a pair of my shorts. Now, if I found something of hers, I returned it under her door, with her roomy, or with someone on the floor. I never called her to ask if she wanted something back. I just returned it, but never talked to her directly. She also tried to find out if I was dating from a friend we both share, who has ignored my ex-gf since then. The guy is not well-liked on campus, and many think he's an ass. I have a lot of friends, both high and low on the social order, and generally all around. The new couple are pretty much hermits among each other. The girl has lost all of her friends except 1 or 2 that she has classes with. We've been through a lot together, and this is certainly not an exception. We were the first relationship for one another, and were quite serious too. We helped each other through rough times, and had many great moments together. The uncle who she turned 18 with had hoped that we would both marry someday. My question is this: Does she still care for me, even enough to come back sometime soon? The guy will be a sr. next fall. He's a kid that dresses in all that Hollister crap, etc. She apparently became interested in it sometime this semester. She knows that I don't buy into all this clothing stuff. It's the content of your character that counts, not the shirt. The girl and I will both be juniors. I have asked her not to contact me anymore until she has sorted her priorities out and takes some time to evaluate the situation between us before she contacts me in any way. I'm lost, I still love her, and everyone knows that guy is really an @$$hole and very shallow. I loved her when she looked practically amish, and she's "hot" now. What's the next step? What will her next step be? He uncle favors me considerably, and she looks up to him very much. That's about as much info as I can provide. Anyone's input would be greatly appreciated.
ronnieromance Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Let her go man. Let her go. Set yourself up a nice profile on webdate or fling and learn how to welcome change. Understand that because something was meant to be, doesn't mean it was meant to last. -R-
Recommended Posts