Graydaughter Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 If anyone has been following my thread-Lost Beyond Belief-MM lost his job in my city almost 2 weeks ago. He has been calling me at least once a day until this past Saturday. On Thursday, he said he was coming to my city to see an old co-worker and he wanted to see me too. I asked why he couldn't just come see me and he said he was trying to start his own business. I told him I had sent him an email regarding how I am feeling. I basically said I can't take the way he is treating me and not to call me anymore until we can have a real conversation about our situation. On Friday, I asked if he had read the email and he said no. I then said evidentally you don't have time for me and he said I called you twice today, so I do have time for you. He then hung up quickly and I haven't heard from him since. He didn't say when he hung up if and when he would be calling again. I am starting to think he may have read the email and decided he didn't want to deal with the situation anymore and just disappeared. I can't call him, because he only tells me we can talk when he can call me. In one way, I hope this is the end, but I really wanted to tell him no contact if he had called today, because I had decided over the weekend I can't take not being able to call or see him at all. I am so confused and panicky! I don't know whether to feel relieved or cry or both. I just feel if I were important to him he would be making some effort to contact or see me and not just as sideline when he comes to town to see someone else. Any input or support would be appreciated!!!
Guest Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 If this man doesn't have the balls to tell you that he can't handle the situation HE got himself into with you, then he doesn't deserve your time AT ALL. He is selfish, and you deserve SOOO much more. A man who you can call your own and who will WANT to work thru issues and problems with you because he LOVES you and doesn't want to lose you and values your feelings. If i have learned anything from my experience with my xMM it is to put MY feelings first, because no one else is going to do that. Girl move on, live and learn, and the pain will ease with time. (((Hugs)))
Author Graydaughter Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Thanks Guest! He did call on Tuesday and came to see me on Wednesday, but I was too busy at work and was only able to see him for 30 minutes. He had a really hard time leaving me and kept coming back to hug and kiss me. We talked on the cell phone that night on his way home and he wants to get more work here or have me move there. I will not go there as the OW. He seems to think because I love him so much, I will continue to put up with this R on his terms. Last night, he called to say that he was going out of town for a family wedding and wouldn't be able to talk to me until Monday. I told him I could be dead and buried by then. He conveniently had to hang up then. I am reaching the end of my patience and don't see him making any progress toward resolving the issues in our R. He thinks eventually I will miss him so much I will move to his city and we can continue seeing and talking to each other everyday. I will not give up anymore of my life unless he is willing to give up something in his. I want to find the willpower to either send an email or tell him over the phone that I can't be the OW anymore. I have done the NC several times, but he won't respect my decision to go on without him. I love what we have together and we are perfect together, but the biggest problem is he is married and doesn't have the strength to end his marriage, because he doesn't want the negative feedback from his family and he likes the financial stability he has with his wife. I need support and encouragement to do the right thing for me!
target-d Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Oh god - get out, get out, get out. the biggest problem is he is married and doesn't have the strength to end his marriage that's not the "biggest" problem. that IS the problem. Email him and tell him goodbye. Go NC and stick to it. Good luck to you.
zarathustra Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 If anyone has been following my thread-Lost Beyond Belief-MM lost his job in my city almost 2 weeks ago. He has been calling me at least once a day until this past Saturday. On Thursday, he said he was coming to my city to see an old co-worker and he wanted to see me too. I asked why he couldn't just come see me and he said he was trying to start his own business. I told him I had sent him an email regarding how I am feeling. I basically said I can't take the way he is treating me and not to call me anymore until we can have a real conversation about our situation. On Friday, I asked if he had read the email and he said no. I then said evidentally you don't have time for me and he said I called you twice today, so I do have time for you. He then hung up quickly and I haven't heard from him since. He didn't say when he hung up if and when he would be calling again. I am starting to think he may have read the email and decided he didn't want to deal with the situation anymore and just disappeared. I can't call him, because he only tells me we can talk when he can call me. In one way, I hope this is the end, but I really wanted to tell him no contact if he had called today, because I had decided over the weekend I can't take not being able to call or see him at all. I am so confused and panicky! I don't know whether to feel relieved or cry or both. I just feel if I were important to him he would be making some effort to contact or see me and not just as sideline when he comes to town to see someone else. Any input or support would be appreciated!!! Question... do you want to continue being the OW? It doesn't sound like you do. So you need to move on. If I'm wrong about what you want, then smack me silly.
Author Graydaughter Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Zara-No, I don't want to be OW anymore! It was somewhat bearable when I could see and talk to him everyday, but I still ended it at least once a month. He always begged and pleaded for us to continue. He said he couldn't imagine his life without me, but that he can't end his marriage, because of his financial and familial obligations. I wanted to believe that someday our love would overrule and he would make the decision to leave. He came close several times, but would withdraw from me and say he couldn't handle the guilt from all sides. I guess now that he is permanently in his city and appears to be handling it okay, I need to make a clean break. My stomach and heart ache at the same time and I haven't even begun the process. I always thought I was strong emotionally, but this R has shown me that I can be weakened and not think clearly. I have read yours and several of the other post and I am not sure I can endure the NC the way all of you have. You and all the other OW are giving me inspiration to do what I know I must do. Thanks!!!!
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