Mattman Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 OK, I'm new to the forum, but have an interesting issue. I have been with my wife for 17 years (married 14) We both love each other very much. All those years ago, she was a pretty easy and I left the first night with her begging me to stay. In our first year she had 2 affairs, one which I found out about (I freaked and broke all the things I had given her along with pushing her around (not proud atall)). Well we both worked things out, and were later married with 2 kids. She started flirting with a neighbour, and was round his (single guy) almost every day. I told her how bad this made me feel, but she just told me I was being controlling and jealous. Things got worse, and I found myself getting ill. I told her she should just admit that she fancied him, and that I might even consider a threesome. She then said that that really tunred her on. She never did go with him (to my knowledge), but a few weeks later we were out with a friend (and our 2 kids 5 and 2). Flirting was going on and we eneded back at his. We did have a 3-some. at one point I noticed he wasn't wearing a condom and freaked. He then beat me up. I was begging my wife to come home, but she just said (it's too windy to walk). I picked the kids up and said I would carry them, she then came after me with him, and more violence ensued. Itr ended up with me outside alone and them inside. I freaked and put his windows through then went to a friends and broke down. From talking to her later it ensued that he took some copper pipe and went looking for me, and on his return they had sex for the rest of the night, until my friend went round and told her she was being stupid and about the state I was in. It was round this time she admitted to the other earlier affair I hadn't found out about. Suffice to say, things were tough, I was violent smashing things, I cut my wrists and was heavily drinking and smoking hash. We did however work through the situation and moved countries to Ireland where we now live and have 3 wonderfull kids. Things have been going great. We have both got good jobs, and promotions. Now I know this is alot of pressure and to top it all my mother was having major heart surgery. Well the upshot is I was away for a week on a training course and slept with another woman (and yes revenge was on my mind). And following on from this It changed my life. I realised that throughout the relationship, my partner has controlled everything. Finances, our friends, hen we go out, if we have pets, when the kids eat etc... I have trid to make stands but would just be ignored. I also realised that the last expereince 7 years ago was not my ffault. I have always thought I was the one who'd done something wrong becaude I had gotten violent and lost control etc.. And then last week we are at a party, and she kissed another guy and then immediately put it on me (this is what you wanted), you are such a jerk a kiss means nothing etc.. I tiold her I was glad I'd slept with someone in Bradford, and am now making a stand. I have managed to control the agressive side of me now, and am seriously considering leaving. In my head (confused I admit), it's not the kiss or sex etc.. that has been the problem, but the way I was treated with such lack of respect, even beaten and then thrown out. I do love her, and love our children, at the moment I have said I am staying but only with major changes ( I want my own bank account at least ) And typing this really does make it seem heavy to me (don't forget there are 2 sides to every story, and I'm sure her's is different) I've tried to be honest, am please that I can control my aggressive side now and want to do the right thing. Comments please
TeaCooler Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 i think your problem is lack of priority. where were your children during all this 3-some action?
Sup Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 I would say (cough) get out quick and save yourself! But then you have kids with her, hmmmm. Should've left years ago, just my thought.
mental_traveller Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Make the best of a bad job, leave asap and try to minimise the difficulties involved for the kids. It would be really dumb to stay in such a relationship where you have a total lack of respect from your partner.
Curmudgeon Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Comments? That's easy. You're in a very sick marriage and are none too well or stable yourself. I think you both need counseling.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 So much drama! Your wife doesn't love you, or she wouldn't have had sex with the man who beat you up and threw you out of his house and then proceeded to hunt you down with a copper pipe! Geez... I can't believe that you let her get away with that! Secondly, YOU don't love your wife because if you did, you wouldn't have agreed to the threesome and becoming violent with her. How can you look at her in the eye after you've done all that crap in the house?? Frankly, I don't see a whole lot worth saving. You would be better off without her, and vice versa. Obviously, she can not be faithful to you. Why would you want to remain married to her? Not once, did you mention the wellfare of your children... so I don't suspect you are staying together for the kids. Really, this is a marriage that should have never been!
RecordProducer Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Your wife doesn't love you, or she wouldn't have had sex with the man who beat you up and threw you out of his house and then proceeded to hunt you down with a copper pipe! Geez... I can't believe that you let her get away with that! As a woman, I agree with this. Secondly, YOU don't love your wife because if you did, you wouldn't have agreed to the threesome and becoming violent with her. How can you look at her in the eye after you've done all that crap in the house?? Some men are capable of sacrificing a lot when they love a woman. Even things that work self-destructively for them. He knew she wanted a threesome so he decided to give it to her. The internet is full of adds for threesomes and I really don't think that both people are always into it - it's probably one partner indulging the other one at their own emotional expense. Matt, some people bring the worst in us. You and your wife apparently do. I think you've both shown lack of respect for each other: you've been physically abusive, she's been unfaithful. I can't take anyone's side from what you wrote - none of you sound like an angel to me. Leaving would probably be the best solution for both of you and the kids who see their parents in a sick relationship. Did I get it wrong or were the kids in the same house when you had the threesome?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Did I get it wrong or were the kids in the same house when you had the threesome? No, I also get the feeling that the kids were in the other man's house while they were getting it on!
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