brftrobin Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 I recently started dating someone who is incredible, in fact, I never thought I would ever meet anyone like him. We have been seeing each other for about a month, it is a LDR, we talk on the phone several times a day and usually at night talk for 2-3 hours. My previous relationship ended a few months ago, we were together for about a 1 1/2 years. I don't want him back, don't miss him, nothing. Last night, when I was talking to new guy, I slipped and called him by my ex's name. Needless to say it took alot of steam out of the conversation. I felt awful, I have no idea where it came from. I have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever. Why would that happen, there is nothing about these two that similar. I feel terrible, I know it hurt him badly, just as it would me. Help me understand!
MadDog Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 If you were in a relatinship for over a year and got used to calling your ex's name all the time, it can definately slip out. It's almost a reflex response. It doesn't mean you were thinking about him/her or that you even care--it just happens. I've never had it happen but I've caught myself almost about to do it. It just takes a little while to get used to a new relationship. The issue isn't whether you care (you obviously don't.) The issue is how your boyfriend will take it. If he looks into it too much, there's going to be issues.
tikigods Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 I wouldn't stress to much about it, my husband has called me his ex;s name before and I am sure that many other couples have let it slip. I would just apoologise to him and prehaps lighten the situation with jokes about it
Alexandra Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 It definitely sounds like MadDog is right and it is a matter of you getting used to it to that degree. Some things we learn and they become imprinted in our long term memory without a voluntary process. It's just one of those. Thankfully we seem to forget them easily after a while too A light hearted joke after it happened would help the moment better, but if you were too puzzled by what has just happened and missed the moment, say you're sorry but try and resist the urge to debate "oh why do you think I do this, I really feel nothing for him" with your currently partner. It will only serve to make them more suspicous. In other words give yourself a break, it happens, take it as a slip and help him take it the same way too by not dwelling on it.
RecordProducer Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 I slipped and called him by my ex's name. Needless to say it took alot of steam out of the conversation. I felt awful, I have no idea where it came from. I have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever. Why would that happen, there is nothing about these two that similar. I feel terrible, I know it hurt him badly, just as it would me. Help me understand!You just see him as a new BF and the old one was an old BF. It's not unusual for people to mix names. My grandmother mixes our names her whole life. She would call my uncle's wife by my mom's name (which pissed her off! ), she would call me my dad's name, my uncle's name, his wife's names, their sons' names... It doesn't matter for her whether she loves you more or less than the persons she mixes your name with, whether they are male or female, kids or adults... The only name she would never miss was her husband's name! Personally I don't think it's a big deal. If you explain to him that you have no feelings for this guy then he should be OK.
jerbear Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 That is why I like pet names. For me, jerbear. Pet names reduce the likelihood of slip ups.
RecordProducer Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 That is why I like pet names. For me, jerbear. Pet names reduce the likelihood of slip ups.That's why I call them all "honey." (Just kidding, my new husband is the only one I've called honey).
MadDog Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 My grandmother mixes our names her whole life. She would call my uncle's wife by my mom's name (which pissed her off! ), she would call me my dad's name, my uncle's name, his wife's names, their sons' names... It doesn't matter for her whether she loves you more or less than the persons she mixes your name with, whether they are male or female, kids or adults... The only name she would never miss was her husband's name! It sounds like she has Alzheimer's.
Tangerina Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 I've caught myself a million times, but luckily never slipped... I think I have it figured it out, though... After 3 years, Tom=boyfriend So with the new (well, newer) boyfriend when I am thinking of calling him a boyfriend name sometimes I almost call him Tom, not because I am thinking of Tom but my brain equates that name with what you call your boyfriend. I know my brain works like this cuz I call my dad: dad, daddy, or Arnold... he goes by Arnie but Arnold is the name his parents gave him and I call him it a lot as a joke. After a while Arnold=dad and I would sometimes ask friends things like "when is your Arnold going to be home?" "Who is your Arnold going to vote for?"
RecordProducer Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 It sounds like she has Alzheimer's.No, she doesn't. She corrects herself right away, she doesn't forget who we are. She's been like that since forever. She's 86 now and perfectly sane.
PlentyLV007 Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 The guy I'm dating...well let's just say I forgot his name once...infront of my friends...I felt terrible.... It wasn't a big deal....not to him at least and that's what matters to me. If it was then I'd make it up to him...
bumbaclot Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Brain is a complicated thing. Things like that happen all the time and mostly when you least expect them. Don't worry about it.
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