tracerit Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 She broke up with me about eight months ago and it's been five months since we've last talked. It ended quietly, we just started to stop talking to each other, I focused on school and she with her work and new bf. I don't believe that I am truly over her, but it just kills me that every other day I still think about her and what she's doing. I figured that I might as well stop doing all of this and just talk to her and get my answers. I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone becuase I have more important things to do, so I am NOT looking to get back with her because I know she isn't either. I dont' know, you guys think this is a bad idea?
crazy_grl Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 What type of answers are you hoping to get? What do you think will happen if she won't give you those answers or if she doesn't even want to talk to you? How will that make you feel?
jerbear Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 I'm thinking about it also. So far I'm leaning toward bad idea on my end. I have so much of a future and offered it to her. She blew me off. After your education is done, retake a view on her. See if you want to open a door to her instead of burning bridges.
tikigods Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 Doesn't the fact that you haven't spoke to her in 5 months show you that she doesn't have an intrest in talking to you? What do you hope to achive by calling her or contacting her?
Author tracerit Posted May 1, 2006 Author Posted May 1, 2006 i'm not looking to get answers from HER, but to answer my own curiosity. in a sense, i still think of her as my "gf" because when we talked for the three months after the breakup, i thought there would always be a chance that we would get back together. but for the last five months, i realized that it's not going to happen and i would rather have her as a friend than not knowing her anymore. we have (had?) a lot in common. if i do get back to talking with her, i can start to think of her as a friend and hopefully i will stop looking to restart a relationship with her.
tikigods Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 Friendship with someone that you are still hung up over nevre works out, its better to just move on. I am sure she has done the same
crazy_grl Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 IMO, you have to stop wanting a relationship with the person before you can try to be friends again. Otherwise, you leave yourself open to get hurt.
jerbear Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 Agree with tikigods. Friendship when one has the hots for the other doesn't work. It is best to step aside.
Author tracerit Posted May 1, 2006 Author Posted May 1, 2006 i thought i mentioned that i did not want a relationship with her. yeah, she has moved on. i have too but not as much as i would like. i think i'm going to hold off for a while longer. afterall her bday was last month and i didn't call her..
crazy_grl Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 i thought i mentioned that i did not want a relationship with her. yeah, she has moved on. Guess you did say that in your first post. But you also said this, which implies that you are looking for one. if i do get back to talking with her, i can start to think of her as a friend and hopefully i will stop looking to restart a relationship with her. But yeah, I think you're right. You should give it some more time, cause you still sound a bit hung up on her.
Author tracerit Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 well, i just sent her an email. "hi christine. it's been a while since we've last talked. i thought we should hang out and catchup sometime. give me a call when you can. take care." i was a little bored and typed it and the cursor was hovering over "send mail" and i was going to close the window but decided to click it instead lol. i have this tendancy to screw myself over and put myself in the worst situations (this ins't that bad, at least it doesn't seem like it'll be). oh well, lets see how this turns out
burning 4 revenge Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 She broke up with me about eight months ago and it's been five months since we've last talked. It ended quietly, we just started to stop talking to each other, I focused on school and she with her work and new bf. I don't believe that I am truly over her, but it just kills me that every other day I still think about her and what she's doing. I figured that I might as well stop doing all of this and just talk to her and get my answers. I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone becuase I have more important things to do, so I am NOT looking to get back with her because I know she isn't either. I dont' know, you guys think this is a bad idea? Do you ever still masturbate about your xgf? Worse yet, do you ever masturbate while thinking of her with that other guy? What is it Chris Rock said? If you haven't contemplated murder, you haven't been in love.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I'm thinking about it also. So far I'm leaning toward bad idea on my end. I have so much of a future and offered it to her. She blew me off. After your education is done, retake a view on her. See if you want to open a door to her instead of burning bridges. Are you kidding me? If she blows you off, game over. End of f*cking story. That b*tch doesn't respect you. No way. And she'll respect you less if you keep trying. And if you think that the prospects will change because of your finances, then she never loved you anyway.
Author tracerit Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 sometimes i do, and yes i do sometimes think about her f***ing the other guy... a little fantasy i have, but that's not the point i'm not looking to get back with her. since i still think of her as my gf, i figured if we're friends again, i'll just consider her my friend and that way it'll allow me to move on. if this doesn't work out, i'll just end up where i was before i emailed her and try to move on again.
funlin Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Please stop hurting yourself. Your ex-gf has her reasons for not wanting you anymore. My-ex broke up with me the day my mother die because I SMS my golf-buddy (female) to tell her the news. Because she ask me did I call my golfing buddy I reply no but I didn't tell her I SMS her. She checked my phone then told me I lie to her. I was in emotion drama already with the death of my mother now she is acting up. I never really forgave her for her actions and it caused me to pay her back later. She never say she was sorry but when she lost her job she wants me back and say she needed me. I was like why did you tell me she need me before but after she was fired she needs me now? I took her back for two weeks then we were at it again. I told her I don't want to have a smoker for rest of my life meaning please stop smoking. The next statement was all right the relationship was over. A relationship was over because of cigarette smoking (my view). We did this like 6 times over last one year. I still want her back but it is always for the wrong reasons. You are not giving her what she needs and it is not your fault my man. Just look at yourself and if you can improve something then do it. You will feel much better trust me on this one.
Pantero Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I was in your position - well, the part about wanting to contact my ex anyway not too long ago. Like you, I came to these forums for a little feedback and got it. I followed it. It worked. Like so many others have been saying, man - if you're still hung up over her, friendship will not work out. NC for 5 months is a long time (I'm going on 3 months of NC myself). If it's been this long and you're still hung up over it...I dunno what to tell you. School is definitely sh*tty therapy for trying to get over crap like this, so I suggest once finals are done to go take a vacation. Do something for yourself that will get your mind off this mess. In time, you'll go from waking up everyday since the break-up feeling like a useless, pathetic, and inadequate chump (if you were the one dumped) to thinking less of HER and more about what YOU'RE doing. Let me know how she responds to that email, though personally, I wouldn't have sent it. Regardless, from the sound of it she's moved on. She probably never cared anyway. Stop caring for her by putting yourself first...at least for now. Good luck.
Author tracerit Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 well, she didn't reply. i'm don't really even have any feelings towards what happened just now. i've been interning two days a week for the last four months and i just realized that when i'm working those eight hours each day, i don't even think about anything else except work. luckily starting in june, those two days will become five days a week that i won't have to think of her. i also caught up with a few old friends to play tennis on the weekends. looks like my week will be full, hopefully this will help
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