NightsInWhiteSatin Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 ok...i initiated n/c so i could try to 'move on' with my life when i finally realized it could be years before my ex sorts out his life so that he has time for me in it. I've wanted to know how he is and if he's ok and things...i've done ok so far... not made contact....been fine...then i got beaten up....got all emotional just wanted to be with him and i sent him a picture message of the Rose plant he bought me on valentines day because it's just bloomed...and i put 'It's alive!' because he used to take the mik saying i'd kill it within a week. He replied pretty much straight away saying 'I knew it would live!x'....then nothing...not a peep from him. So i'm feeling like we're drifting....get all upset again...and kinda sent him an email asking if i'd left my bag and a top at his house because i'd been trying to find them for ages....then i started asking how he was etc...and no reply... and he's been online on and off for the past few days and still nothing...it's like i'm something he's trying to ignore. Last time we spoke he was all nice and everything...but now he can't even be assed to mail be a reply yeah he certainly loves me!!!!! Question is .....what do i do now...? I want it so i've got a little control over the situation...i always give in and give the control to him. I wish this wasn't happening...i don't need this
Numbheart Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 Ok, a little more info would help. How long have you been in NC, how long have you split? Last time we spoke he was all nice and everything...but now he can't even be assed to mail be a reply yeah he certainly loves me!!!!! Depending on the time, this could be pot, kettle, black.....you did the same to him right?......depending on the time, he could very well still love you, maybe he has seen you buckle and thought play things cool?...maybe he has realised he really does need to try and ignore you, and maybe, just maybe, you are playing a dangerous game with him? It sounds like you were not happy with him giving you the time and devotion you feel you needed and therefore split, in order for him to "get himself together".....was he happy with this? I've seen friends of mine do this, and depending on the circumstances, they very often get an answer they were afraid to hear. You still love him?...maybe thats obvious as you've broken NC! More info deffy required
KittenMoon Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 ok...i initiated n/c so i could try to 'move on' with my life when i finally realized it could be years before my ex sorts out his life so that he has time for me in it. I've wanted to know how he is and if he's ok and things...i've done ok so far... not made contact....been fine...then i got beaten up....got all emotional just wanted to be with him and i sent him a picture message of the Rose plant he bought me on valentines day because it's just bloomed...and i put 'It's alive!' because he used to take the mik saying i'd kill it within a week. He replied pretty much straight away saying 'I knew it would live!x'....then nothing...not a peep from him. So i'm feeling like we're drifting....get all upset again...and kinda sent him an email asking if i'd left my bag and a top at his house because i'd been trying to find them for ages....then i started asking how he was etc...and no reply... and he's been online on and off for the past few days and still nothing...it's like i'm something he's trying to ignore. Last time we spoke he was all nice and everything...but now he can't even be assed to mail be a reply yeah he certainly loves me!!!!! Question is .....what do i do now...? I want it so i've got a little control over the situation...i always give in and give the control to him. I wish this wasn't happening...i don't need this Nights- From all your posts it seems like you are having a REALLY rough time right now with your life. I can sympathize, I feel like I'm having similar troubles. Newly alone, friends living their lives, not sure where my life is going, family far away. But I think that's exactly what you need to focus on. The overall picture of your life. Your problem is not living without your ex, either take him ot of the equation (NC for god sakes!!!) or make him just another factor in it. Focus on YOUR LIFE and how you want to improve it. Your ex is not a factor that can improve your life right now, don't try to make him one. Focus on things that can help your life move forward- school, new friends, thinking about where you want your life to be in 5 years, etc. You ex and your relationship is just a tiny sliver of the overall you. Really, I feel your pain. I feel utterly adrift now without the anchor of someone else's life entwined with mine. But I think I need to finally figure out some of the personal sh*t I've been avoiding for a while before I can try to work someone's life back in with mine.
Author NightsInWhiteSatin Posted April 30, 2006 Author Posted April 30, 2006 thanks kitten...you're right...just need to focus on my life...which is in stand still at the moment till i get a job...which is probably why i'm taking everything harder than i would do if i had something to occupy my time. Numheart...thanks for taking the time and care to reply, Depending on the time, this could be pot, kettle, black.....you did the same to him right?......depending on the time, he could very well still love you, maybe he has seen you buckle and thought play things cool?...maybe he has realised he really does need to try and ignore you, and maybe, just maybe, you are playing a dangerous game with him? It sounds like you were not happy with him giving you the time and devotion you feel you needed and therefore split, in order for him to "get himself together".....was he happy with this? I've seen friends of mine do this, and depending on the circumstances, they very often get an answer they were afraid to hear. You still love him?...maybe thats obvious as you've broken NC! More info deffy required It was a mutual agreement to go on NC, we both first kept in contact and we'd sit cryin on opposite sides of the computer so it was doing us no good so i suggested it to him and he said it sounded like a good idea for a few months while i move on from him. He had alot going on in his life when we got together and was trying to find out where he wanted to go in life etc find himself and sort himself out etc and now he's taken on more and it slowly pushed me out of his schedule to the point where it was making me upset all the time which made him upset etc....then he dumped me we then got back together and he dumped me again a week later on a drunken impulse over msn, which wasn't nice. Then he started talking as if we were going to get back together in 2 weeks then it went to 6 weeks then 2 months then 6 months then a year then 2 years but kept saying i shouldn't wait and i should move on but then he'd say but in a few months blah blah blah back together...then he'd say move on with your life...then he'd say i don't really want you to move on then he'd say we can meet up and you can introduce me to your new boyfriend....then he'd say if i got a new boyfriend he'd cry etc etc etc....then ping it hit me that he doesn't know when he'll have his life sorted and i could be hanging on for him for years to come. The fact of the matter is...he's a very confused person...which makes me a very confused person....ahh well...if he wants me he knows where i am...it gets more complicated so i'm gonna stop there. I'll just give him a break for a while....spend time on me...then when we meet up in 6 months time who knows maybe i'll be over him maybe we'll get back together....but for now...tiz kimmy time
Numbheart Posted May 1, 2006 Posted May 1, 2006 Okay, thanks for the reply. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but from what you have just said, I would be running a mile. I am hoping you have had better relationships than this before? If so, see a bit of sense and that you can really do better than the situation that you are now in. You both sound confused, if he was mutual with you over the initial break, and agreed to the NC, then he really is not into this as much as you may wish to think he is. Sounds like he is leading you on, then keeping you on a back burner, but overall playing with your emotions, I know this sounds horrible, but seeing this from a blokes point of view and how we can be, I'd say run as far as you can from this guy, he is doing you no good at all. I know its hard to do, especially when your feelings are involved, but it really does sound like you need to let go of him emotionally and move forwards as quickly as possible and not ever even consider meeting him in 6 months time....its only going to mess you up more if you do. Its easy to say and bloody difficult to do, but from what I see, you really need to do this if you know whats best for you.
lilly36 Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I just broke NC so I know how you feel. I kept wanting him to say something...not sure exactly what, but I would've known when I heard it, and I didn't. Maybe I wanted him to say how much he missed me and how he screwed up and wanted me back. Breaking NC is a temporary lapse of judgement and I realize that if we speak again, it shouldn't be at our initiation. If he calls you, then you can decide to talk. But it should be HIM calling YOU.
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