Says he wants a break

[Walk]

Oh, last thing... If you do choose to talk to him about this, maybe send him a text stating that you will be willing to discuss this in 2 weeks time. Or however long you need to sort through your own feelings and thoughts. Give yourself some time to get to a more level mental state before throwing yourself back into an emotionally charged situation.

 

Explain you won't take his calls or talk to him until that time. Maybe set a day/time to meet at that point, and then do NC until you meet with him.

 

Might give you some breathing room, get him off your back for awhile so that you can think... and relax without being bombarded with calls. It'll let you redefine what's important to you, and what you want out of your life without having to make a snap decision that you might regret later.

[Mary3]

Oh, last thing... If you do choose to talk to him about this, maybe send him a text stating that you will be willing to discuss this in 2 weeks time. Or however long you need to sort through your own feelings and thoughts. Give yourself some time to get to a more level mental state before throwing yourself back into an emotionally charged situation.

 

Explain you won't take his calls or talk to him until that time. Maybe set a day/time to meet at that point, and then do NC until you meet with him.

 

Might give you some breathing room, get him off your back for awhile so that you can think... and relax without being bombarded with calls. It'll let you redefine what's important to you, and what you want out of your life without having to make a snap decision that you might regret later.

 

Absolutely excellent advice !

[Shana555]

First I want to say the advice on here is amazing and thank you for putting so much time and effort into helping so much. You guys have pointed out and showed ways to think about relationships in the right way. If I didn’t turn to LS, I’d probably be weeping into my pillow right now wondering what the flip I should do.

 

I did exactly what was suggested. I thought about and made a list of exactly what I want. I finally accepted his call last night. He answered every one of my questions and I finally understand the situation. He apologized and said he doesn’t want a break and wishes he never acted the way he did Sat night.. He said he felt like I was pressuring him too much to get married and he didn’t know what to do. But that he is ready and wants us to make more of a commitment because he really does want us to be together forever.

 

He said that when I move out of my place on campus this weekend, he wants me to move in with him.

I sure didn’t see that one coming. Talk about a knock your breath out throw you on your behind shocker!!!

My goodness

[Walk]

He said that when I move out of my place on campus this weekend, he wants me to move in with him.

I sure didn’t see that one coming. Talk about a knock your breath out throw you on your behind shocker!!!

My goodness

 

Wow. That's great news! I think... if thats what you wanted? If so, that's awesome!

 

The only thing I would keep in mind at this point is how important marriage is to you, and how long your willing to wait to see that happen. But part of your desire for marriage may have been that you realized the level of commitment he was showing was not increasing, but stagnating.

 

I'm really happy for you. I'll be sending good thoughts that this works out for the both of you, and that this has been his wake up call.

 

P.s. You really dealt with this amazingly well. It's great to see someone who is as level headed, and strong as you have shown yourself to be in such a stressful situaiton. Kudo's to you.

[AriaIncognito]

Well, first of all, kudos on how you have handled yourself, shana, I dont think i could have done the same.

 

However, I feel like I should offer some advice on the moving in thing. It seems too soon, after wanting a break, to all of a sudden be wanting to move in together. Also, I'd make sure that if you do move in with him, that you have somewhere to go, should he want a break again sometime soon, because feeling homeless really sucks (i know this from experience. of course i had my parents to fall back on but at 23-24 i really didn't want to).

 

If he's being sincere, and you're happy, then congratulations. However, for your heart's sake, you might want to make sure what he's saying isn't just too little too late.

 

Jennifer

[MassiveAtom]

Wow. That's great news! I think... if thats what you wanted? If so, that's awesome!

 

GREAT NEWS?!?!

 

I read this whole thread and just keep thinking to myself, uh oh.

 

First off the OP seems to be putting an AWFUL lot of pressure on this guy, four years or four months into it, doesn't matter.

 

Second, What's up with this he won't do what I want so I'm going to complain about it? When he does do what you want AFTER complaining about it, you're happy? Let the dude do what he's gonna do, and you do your thing too. If it works it works.

 

Third, Granted it is a little odd for a random chick to show up at his place, but a simple "Who was that?" would work wonders. If he was evasive, you know somethings up.

 

Fourth, Now the OP seems happy she got what she thought she wanted, but when you look at all this, She's buying into a character trait that isn't necessarily a one time thing.

 

Move in with him a good thing? I imagine after a few short months, he'll be talking break again. Too close, need my space, type of stuff. And he will need his space.

 

At 30 he may NOT have played the field. A lot of guys have a few Long term relationships and that's it. We're not all whores ya know? LOL!!

 

A-N-Y-way. Just a heads up ladies. When a guy says he needs a break it DOESN'T mean I want you out of my life. It mean I want you out of my space, so I can do my "icky boy stuff"

 

When you move in, For the sake of the relationship, your sanity and his, be scarce sometimes, and let him chase you a little. Even when we say we hate it, guys dig that s*** on a primal "hunter/gatherer" type level.

 

Lastly, I don't know jack s***, for sure. This is my opinion. Please don't let it make you feel anything. I don't want that much control.

[Walk]

First off the OP seems to be putting an AWFUL lot of pressure on this guy, four years or four months into it, doesn't matter.

Four years and the guy can't figure out what he wants and he's 30?? If the guy serious wants to see what else is out there, then he can be a man and break if off with her. Not jerk her around while he goes off to play.

 

Second, What's up with this he won't do what I want so I'm going to complain about it? When he does do what you want AFTER complaining about it, you're happy? Let the dude do what he's gonna do, and you do your thing too. If it works it works.

 

I never heard her complain about anything. She stated what she wanted. Marriage, a commitment. He could've at any time say that wasn't what he wanted in life. And as far letting the dude do his thing. She gave him total freedom by breaking it off with him. Which took more balls that that guy had. He wanted his safety net, while doing his "icky guy thing".

 

She even had to block his calls so he could have his space. Where did you get that she wasn't giving it to him? Or that she was forcing him to stay with her?

 

Move in with him a good thing? I imagine after a few short months, he'll be talking break again. Too close, need my space, type of stuff. And he will need his space.

 

This is a very valid concern, and one she should really consider.

 

At 30 he may NOT have played the field. A lot of guys have a few Long term relationships and that's it. We're not all whores ya know? LOL!!

I know this. However, as a 30 yr old there's a level of responsibility and maturity that is expected. ESPECIALLY, if he's been in several long term relationships. He should understand that communication on all aspects is vitally important. Even when considering a break.

 

Just a heads up ladies. When a guy says he needs a break it DOESN'T mean I want you out of my life. It mean I want you out of my space, so I can do my "icky boy stuff"

But the way in which he did it was immature and hurtful. Everyone needs space and do there own thing, but you still have to consider your partners feelings in this. If she is asking questions, then you have to attempt to give the best answers you can, explain fully, and discuss. Not that she has a say in this, but she does have a right after 4 years, of understanding the situation as well as she can. If you believe it's your god given right to take a break without considering your partners feelings, and then expect your woman to wait around indefinitely... then you need to think about getting a blow up doll.

 

Besides.. usually the "icky boy stuff" involves sticking it in other women's holes, and I don't know too many women who are going to welcome you back after that. I wouldn't.

[MassiveAtom]

Wow. You know a lot, walk.

[Delectable]

who did he say the girl was?

[Walk]

Wow. You know a lot, walk.

 

Your sarcasm is quite unbecoming.

 

 

If you have a different view of it, then share. I was just stating mine. I saw it differently then you did. I'm no one great, so I could be wrong on every single point. If you feel I am, then you should tell this girl. For her benefit. I just get overly protective of someone I think is handling a bad situation well. Hate to see her get criticized for what I felt was a very mature handling of a piss poor situation.

[Shana555]

Sorry if this post is not very clear and too long. I'm exhausted since I was up most of the night not able to sleep just thinking about this stuff. Also I have to re-write the whole thing since it erased the whole reply when I went to log in.

 

who did he say the girl was?

 

He said that he had friends over one day and she came alone with one of them. That’s how they met. The night she showed up, she had been out drinking and was heading home but decided she didn’t feel like going in yet so since she has to pass his house to get home she stopped over to see if he wanted to hang out.

I’ve done the same thing after leaving the bars. I'm usually full of energy and look for something else to do. So I do understand that explanation.

 

I'd make sure that if you do move in with him, that you have somewhere to go, should he want a break again sometime soon, because feeling homeless really sucks.

 

I have that all worked out. But I hope it never comes to that! I am always welcome to stay the summer at my parent’s house. For my last year of college which starts next fall, I have a place on campus I can stay. I am holding the room as a place to go incase I have a huge gap between class or if there is a snowstorm and it’s not safe to drive.

Luckily his house is fully furnished, so the only things I need to bring there are clothes and personal things. So if I did move out, it would not be a big process. Again, hopefully it never gets to that point unless it's us moving out together into a new home someday!

 

At 30 he may NOT have played the field.

 

Well he has had a few long term relationships. In all of them he was screwed over. His last girlfriend cheated on and left him for his best friend and the one before that left him so she could have her fun while in college.

I’m sure he has some fear I may suddenly up and leave him like his past relationships. I know if I went through that in my past I would be cautious in getting very involved with somebody. (These are just my thoughts)

 

Breaking it off with him gave him the freedom to do whatever he wanted and to have his fun, but he was the one that choose and tried his hardest to work this out. He said the other day that he doesn’t want to see anyone else.

 

A-N-Y-way. Just a heads up ladies. When a guy says he needs a break it DOESN'T mean I want you out of my life. It mean I want you out of my space, so I can do my "icky boy stuff"

When you move in, For the sake of the relationship, your sanity and his, be scarce sometimes, and let him chase you a little. Even when we say we hate it, guys dig that s*** on a primal "hunter/gatherer" type level.

 

I realize he wants space. We all do. Even my cat gets annoyed if he is given too much attention. People are the same way, and I understand that. But if he wanted this space so he could do his “icky boy stuff”, there is no way I would stick around.

I have a VERY busy life. Especially this summer. I am taking 4 summer classes (each are 3 hours long 2 nights a week, one is online)

.. I have show horses that I compete in show jumping.

I will be training almost everyday, horse shows on weekends, and have school classes in the evening until 9pm a few weekdays… So I really won’t be around too much. I feel that just coming home to each other every night would be perfect. We would both have plenty of space to live our lives, but we still get to be together in between. Plus I am very close with my friends and family and I spend a lot of time with them, as he does to with his so I really think this will give him plenty of space.

 

I just hope he asked me to move in for the right reason and that it wasn't just an impulsive thing he said. I have been talking a lot about the move trying to plan, but he doesn't seem excited like I am. Although he did call yesterday to get DSL hooked up at his house since I need the internet for my classes, so maybe he is really serious. He doesn't have a computer and didn't plan on getting one anytime soon so him calling for the DSL hookup was just for me.

 

He's helping me move out of my place on campus on Saturday and moving my stuff into his house. I am so excited, but just want to make sure that this is truly what he wants

[Walk]

You ride?!?! I knew I liked you for a reason.

 

What breeds your horse? Age, level, etc? Tell all...

[Shana555]

Sorry for the long delay in writing back. Took a long much needed nap, hehe.

 

Yay, another horse person… Must be why you understand me so much!

 

I took my first lesson when I was 8 and now I’m hooked for life.

 

My horse is a thoroughbred. I got him when he was about 4. When I first saw him, I had no idea who this horse was. He had just been brought to my trainers’ barn to be sold. He had done nothing but race on the track, but my trainer only had to ride him a couple times and she knew he had all of the potential and heart to be trained. The horse I was leasing started having stifle problems, so I had a lesson on this guy. I feel in love! The timing was so perfect I swear it was fate. Meant to be.

 

He’s black, not one white spot on him. Well the sun bleaches him out in the summer, but I love the way it makes his coat look. 17.1 hands and I believe he’s about 12 now.

 

Gosh it was fun to train him. He is willing to jump anything and tries so hard to do whatever he’s asked. I feel so lucky to have found him. He has the best personality and gets overly mushy all of the time. Just a big love.

 

For shows we do some hunter classes, but mostly do equitation and the medal classes. We do from local to “A” shows. I can’t wait, my last final is on Monday and then I will finally will have the time to practice daily and get to those shows.

 

Gosh I could go on about this all day so I’ll stop now.

 

Your turn, tell tell!

[Shana555]

Ack, double post. Sorry!

[Walk]

Who's your trainer? just curious.

 

I rode dressage. Had a 1/2 arab I took to nationals (when I still rode) Bought him as a 4 yr old and trained him with the help of a trainer. Took 7th in the nation with him. Trained him to 3rd level then sold him when I went to college. Absolutely broke my heart. Worst mistake of my life. But he went to a good home. Lady was was paralyzed whole left side of her body, but she loved the devil outta that horse. Took him to the handicapped olympics (that was probably non-pc of me), and cleaned up. Won everything with him.

 

Also had a half thoroughbred, half hanoverian I bought as a 2yr old. He started out all black and turned into this gorgeous gray. They promised me he wouldn't get over 15.3. I'm not even 5 foot tall. He ended up being 16.3 and built like a mach truck. WIDE! The bottoms of my heels barely reached the middle of him. It was comical. He was awesome though. Really interesting personality, and loved his ears scratched. He won a lot too. Won some grand champion awards at a few international shows too. But I never took him any higher then 2nd level before I sold him. Same reason, college and no money.

 

I kept riding after that, but it's not the same with a leased horse. There's just something really special about the bond you have with "your" horse. A level of trust and... i dont know.. perfection. I really miss that.

 

And I couldn't afford to go very often, so then I was out of shape and pathetic when I did get to ride.

 

Whatever you do, never let a man stand in your way when it comes to your horse. That's what I learned. Thanks for letting me go on and on about my horses. Good memories. I loved riding.