BlameCupid Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 My ex and I lived together for 2 years, that ended because he was so unhappy in his career for lack of a good salary, that he would come home and be miserable towards me despite my cheerfulness and support so I asked him to move out. We continued to see each other and he even got a new career and was so much happier and nicer to me. The only problem was that then I was afraid to live with him again. But he had not gotten a place of his own in his new town anyways, so I had to stay in hotels when I'd visit him. Until finally, 4 years into that situation when he was living in a room in someone's house I decided to move on. He called me 2 months later and told me he had bought a home and he wanted me to move into it with him. Unfortunately I had begun a new relationship and shortly afterwards so did he. When mine broke up several months later I called him and that was how I found out that he had moved on. I was miserable without him though so I called him and emailed him for over a year until finally he responded and we decided to meet up in September of 05. He acted really arrogant and rude and basically wanted to be physical and I was under the impression that we were getting back together, so I was really sad. I've seen him 2 times since then, the last time was a week ago and he is telling me that he is ending his relationship with the girl who lives with him but he doesn't have the nerve to yet. He tells me he does not love her and that he loves me and even talks about a future. The big problem now is that he is mean to me the way he was when we were living together, and acting the same way that he did then, this is worse because he threatens to not be with me in the future when he gets mean, when that is the entire reason I agreed to this arrangementwhich is weird because for the entire 4 years we were not living together he treated me like a queen. Do you think it is because he is so unhappy with his live in girlfriend? He gets mad for no reason and seems to be venting his frustrations on me when they are intended for her because I never talk to him unless it is on his terms. I told him not to be so mean but he is seeming to act that way out of guilt for cheating with me. I finally got an answer from him about when they are breaking up, but it is more of a time frame, less then 7 months from now. I am looking forward to finally living in a happy home with him, and I have hope for that happening. He is so unhappy with her he says and yet so afraid of breaking up because he said it will be scary to do so. He says positive things too but seems to discourage me as well. I am confused right now.
stillhere Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 Call me crazy, but why would you want to be with someone who has not changed at all towards you since you've been without him? He seems like a very controlling man. Why would you want to put yourself through all that again? I left my H because he was controlling. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him. I have always had high self esteem, then i gained 40 pounds after my daughter was born. I married him because i felt i was ugly and no one else would want me. Then i lost 30 pounds and felt i was pretty again and i knew i didn't need him and that he wasn't good for me. Sweetie, you aren't married to this guy, don't destroy yourself and your self esteem. There is someone out there for you. Someone who will be there for you not just on his terms.
Sami_D Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 I've seen him 2 times since then, the last time was a week ago and he is telling me that he is ending his relationship with the girl who lives with him but he doesn't have the nerve to yet. He tells me he does not love her and that he loves me and even talks about a future. The big problem now is that he is mean to me the way he was when we were living together, and acting the same way that he did then, this is worse because he threatens to not be with me in the future when he gets mean. Well.... hmm... you've got yourself into an OW situation where he 'doesn't have the nerve' to leave, but he's treating you badly and threatening you with 'not being with you', and only wants sex? I can see you're confused, but it looks very clear to me. I agree with stillhere... he sounds controlling. And nasty. And, I think you need to walk away from him. You deserve MUCH better than this!
Blind Illusion Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 This man never seems happy so you, that woman or a magazine supermodel could move in with him and he still wouldn't be content. If he is mean now, life once you move in there, life would hardly be a picnic. This little threatening game of him threatening not to be with you must stop promptly also. If I was you, next time he made that claim, I'd just leave and tell him goodbye then. He uses this against you because he knows this bothers you. You must take this power back from him by calling his bluff. I'd seriously rethink this whole thing. Especially the moving in part.
Author BlameCupid Posted April 30, 2006 Author Posted April 30, 2006 This man never seems happy so you, that woman or a magazine supermodel could move in with him and he still wouldn't be content. If he is mean now, life once you move in there, life would hardly be a picnic. This little threatening game of him threatening not to be with you must stop promptly also. If I was you, next time he made that claim, I'd just leave and tell him goodbye then. He uses this against you because he knows this bothers you. You must take this power back from him by calling his bluff. I'd seriously rethink this whole thing. Especially the moving in part. I drove 4 hours to get there besides. You are so right about how to handle him. I was hesitant about posting this was my first and you were my first reply and you made this very worthwhile with your sincere comments girlfriend!
Author BlameCupid Posted April 30, 2006 Author Posted April 30, 2006 Yep when I begin to feel sorry for myself where he is concerned I remember about 20 years and what a jerk he had been then and how from my lack of boyfriend experience would allow his cruelty to harm my self esteem and how he has regressed tremendously. I'm tired of his arrogance in not being able to be accountable for his own behavior. I refuse to participate in arguments with him that are not intended for me. He knows what he has to do and that bothers him. Thanks for helping me to sort things out.
Author BlameCupid Posted April 30, 2006 Author Posted April 30, 2006 Oh yea you are right he is a control freak, rest assured this girl is also a control freak and could be worse then he is just from the way he seems to be reacting by inflicting on me the stuff she is inflicting on him, hence this bs. You pointed out a trait in him I was too close to see and forgot about. He had changed so dramatically before we broke up that I am shocked that he is behaving like he is now. this was exactly how he acted when we lived together cause he was broke and chose to blame THAT on me. Now he is blaming HER on me. Once again, I'm not so sure about living with him. I'm too old for this crap and my tummy hurts from worrying.
Author BlameCupid Posted April 30, 2006 Author Posted April 30, 2006 You are so strong to have courage to leave when you have a child. I'm 41 now and you remind me that is another issue I brought up to him when he said he was scared to break up with her, I want a child and now with each passing year my choice in that matter is diminishing. When I was 40 he decided to ignore my phone calls for over a year, making this the first year in 12 years without communication between us. I felt hopeless. I'm fortunate that I have my weight under control and my skin looking young but when you have less time and when you are older like me less energy and for such shinannigans. We didn't hyave a child when we were younger even though he wanted me to I went on the pill because he was too broke to afford the expense of a child, I thought it best to wait now he's being a jerk and saying that he can't yet. And I said I won't live forever and he has not even called to apologize. You know what...he is simply a coward and this is how he acts whenever he is having problems he takes them out on me and takes my every question and statement as a attack cause he can't address his primary problem. You are so strong and your strength is very inspiring, thanks!
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