I have PMS and just need a few objective voices to give me a reality check...

[Tangerina]

Hi, I don't have any major problems except that I have really bad PMS this month (the kind where everything makes me anxious) and I can't stop obsessing about how I visit my BF in our LDR more than he visits me. I asked him to come over next weekend and he said about a 20% chance and I got all pouty because he didn't sound excited about trying to make it work to come see me.... thing is, from the outside this sounds like a bad situation and I just keep obsessing about how he hardly ever visits me... but I know inside that the reality of the situation is so innocent and he is crazy about me and loves to spend time with me.... 2 months ago he came over to ski for the weekend, and then it was spring break so I visited him because we had to build the cabin we will live in this summer, then next weekend it was his b-day so I went to his party, then weekend after that he wanted to come up but his car broke down, then weekend after that we met halfway at my parent's house, then last weekend was his "alone time no friends" weekend (he needed one badly).... so it is all totally innocent and when we see each other he is great... last time we visited he brought me presents and was so happy to see me.... he isn't great at the phone during the week, though, but he told me that that is just how he is like a year ago before we were even long distance or in love.... I think I just have high expectations that since we are in love now he will change his habits, but that is silly.... Also, it is a typical case of that thing where females can multi-track and males compartmentalize... like when I am busy I can simultaneously be busy with life and still think of what I need to do to communicate or be with him, but when he has a project he is 100% in the project and doesn't think of much else... I just wish I was his project more, but he is so stressed with school.... I was in the program he is in last year and it is one of the toughest at that college.... Grrr.... I just wanted to write this all down because I am getting so hormonal and needy and I needed to remember the ways in which we function differently and show our affection differently... I also needed to remind myself there is no sneaky reason why he couldnt visit me, since I have either been at his place or his car has been broken for all the weekends of the past 2 months..... Thanks for listening to my rant....

 

PS does anyone else hate when they get pouty? I feel like when I get pouty to people I am bullying them with my disappointment.... grrrrr.... I'm so hypersensitive these last few days....

[AriaIncognito]

I can feel your pain, tangerina. I hate how irrational I can get, around that time (which for me happens to be now too haha). I'll start blowing minor things way out of proportion. I almost wish I'd turn into a b*tch like some women do, instead of becoming this hypersensitive questioning thing once a month. It really is amazing how much it can influence your mood/thoughts etc.

 

Just be thankful that it will be gone in 5-7 days and all will feel normal again haha. :-)

 

Jennifer

[glittergurl]

Well, at least you're aware that it's PMS I don't always have it; just once in a while (I guess it depends on hormone levels?), but the thing is, I never realize that's what's causing my bad moods. I just get upset and irritated, and I never feel like it's just me. The only thing that throws me back into reality is when my husband says "Baby, it's that time of the month. Please shut up."

 

Always makes me laugh, because, I realize he's right lol

[Agent M]

I think it is helpful to keep focusing on all the evidence you have that he loves you. Let it reassure you. If you need, write it down or do some journaling. Identify your feelings, look at the evidence for and against them, then try to reason with yourself after you see all the ways he demonstrates his love for you.

 

I get the whole hormonal thing sometimes too. Sometimes I just get paranoid....I like a lot of attention and phone calls. So, it is difficult to deal with what someone else's needs are vs. my own. Sometimes I'll sit and fret only to get a phone call 3 or 4 hours later that totally puts my mind at ease. Then I feel fine again.

 

Take it easy on yourself. It sounds like he's really into you!!

[Tangerina]

HAHA, thanks you guys.... oh humans are silly creatures.... thanks for understanding and not telling me that I was just making excuses for him, because I was afraid that that is what I was doing... I just have to remember that we have different needs in balancing school/relationship and the whole long distance thing and this isn't anything new... HAHA, I totally know about the phone thing and I hate how it can affect me so much, but it is true.... I'll get in a funk, stewing.."why doesn't he ever call, he doesn't love me, I call him so much more, he must be bored with me, ok, that settles it, I won't go spend the summer with him" and then he calls and is all like "hi sweetie, I love you, how is your day? This summer together is going to be so much fun!" and then I usually say..."oh hi darlin, I was just thinkin of you..." hehe.... but then my mood totally disappates.... I hate how a significant other can affect you so much, but it really is hard in an LDR where you are running off the good feelings you had when you saw each other 2 weeks ago and the 10 minute phone convo you had the day before... and then he calls just to say hi but can't talk and that small thing throws off all the good feelings you had even though it is so innocent...

 

When I woke up this morning I realized what the real problem was:

 

I miss him and I am taking it out on him.....

 

 

I started missing him so much worse because 2 weeks ago we almost broke up.... there were no real problems, but it was the first time in a year we had really questioned things and it all got really emotional really quick but it resolved itself quickly with us re-committing, which we haven't ever conciously done before and it made us feel a lot closer and purposeful again... but now I just want to spend some real time with him without school stress so we can show each other that we are still in love... when he had some free time over his "no friends" weekend we talked a lot and were really happy with each other but now he has midterms and can't talk.... so my PMS self goes, oh great, he changed his mind and wants to break up, when in real life I know him well enough to know that I am the one obsessing over it and since we re-committed he hasn't freted about it since.... grrrr.....

[basscatcher]

Tang--aria

 

OMG I am like this too. I get hypersensitive. I too wish I could just get bitchy or just have cramps.. But Noooo I get emotionly sensitive and needy. All I ever want is for HIM to come over- hold me securely. Don't say anything to me and just be loving and sensitive to my emotions.

 

Do you think men get this? NO..

 

I tend to just cry myself to sleep in my own misery or feeling unwanted, lonely, ignored and misunderstood.

 

If you can find a great solution please tell me.

[Tangerina]

I'm glad it isn't just me.... grr, I don't think there is a solution, but all the reassurance from you guys really helps... now I just wish I hadn't got pouty, because that just makes things awkward between us...

 

I have only seen m boy get like this once, but it was because he was at my place and so was another friend from far away so I felt like I had to entertain the friends so he got really mopey and went to bed and was sulky since we don't get much time to spend together... I totally understood so I was really kind about it even though I felt like he was overreacting....

 

Of course, when I do it he just feels exasperated or harassed, and when he has old friends over I get pretty ignored as they talk about things that there is no way I could join in, like whether or not a third friend is getting with lots of girls.... WTF?

 

HAHA, in his defense I am just digging up crap that makes him sound like an insensitive bastard.... but really, all I need him to do is say, don't worry, I am here for you... or I wish I could visit you even though I can't... instead of feeling defensive because he can't meet my requests....

[AriaIncognito]

Sometimes I'll sit and fret only to get a phone call 3 or 4 hours later that totally puts my mind at ease. Then I feel fine again.

 

Wow agent M are you sure we aren't related?? I totally understand and go through what you are saying there. I can be upset for days and then as soon as the thing i'm upset about rears itself and talks or whatever, i'm fine. It's scary.

 

Damned hormones...

 

Jennifer