justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 I have found out my bf has been lying to me. I wrote before about having problems with him running hot and cold and not hearing from him for days up to a week. Well one time last year, I got upset and wrote him a letter and he writes me an angry email back telling me he doesn't know why I am so upset as his computer was so messed up he wasn't able to get online for several days. Today I found out that was all a lie. He was in fact on nearly every day he says he wasn't and I have proof from snooping. I had sent him a couple emails and messages during that time which he ignored. To make matter even worse, I think he might be having an emotional affair with some 14 year old kid who lives in another country! I know this kid and have emailed with her and I know on her side she is 100% not interested in him. Well why would she be? She is 14 and he is 25 and they are in different countries. She always talks about guys she is dating and clearly my bf is just a friend to her but seriously I think he might have a little crush on her. He is never flirty with her but he is just too nice to her and why the hell is he emailing her and messaging her and ignoring his own gf's emails and messages? Now it isn't like they talk everyday. Really it is anywhere from 1 to maybe 10 times a month. So I am furious right now and planning on not speaking to him for a little while until i decide what to do. So do you think I should confront him on the lying and the teenager? How would I be able to do this without revealing my snooping?
CoNfUsEdF21 Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 Hey ... so obviously there are some trust issues there. Look, to be honest.. snooping is never good. Most of the time you find out stuff you dont want to. So why put yourself through it? I know.. its difficult not to because you were seeking answers you couldnt get from your boy. My ex ( and this is one of many reasons why he is my ex ) did the same thing with my best friends younger sister... she was 14 at the time and he was 18, so the age difference is a little smaller, but I snooped through his stuff and found answers, but not the ones I was looking for. My suggestion is, and obviously, feel free to ignore it ... but perhaps tell him you just need a little time.. wait until you calm down a little .. then speak with him CALMLY about it. Theres no point being furious - even if your blood is boiling inside - because thats when people become irrational and say things they dont really mean. Good luck and take care
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 She is 14 and he is 25 This is just wrong...So wrong. You and your boyfriend either have to sort it out, learn how to trust eachother so you can stop snooping, checking up on him or end it.
ImWithHim Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 She is 14 and he is 25 A tremendous amount of alarm bells just went off in my head. Crush or no crush, a 25 yr old man should not be in contact with a 14 year old girl like that. I'd drop him in a heartbeat for that alone. That's just plain disturbing.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 So when I calm down, what should I say to him? Should I ask him what is the deal with the 14 year old and the lies? He is going to wonder how I know. See it really hurts as I had trusted him to be honest all this time. I don't want to reveal I was snooping but he is the one who gave me a password and it just so happens it works for lots of things. When I was snooping, I really didn't expect to find anything. I am just a nosy person I guess like evesdropping on people's phone calls because of boredom.
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 A tremendous amount of alarm bells just went off in my head. Crush or no crush, a 25 yr old man should not be in contact with a 14 year old girl like that. I'd drop him in a heartbeat for that alone. That's just plain disturbing. Thank you for seeing that, so it's just not me. That 14 year old's parents WOULD NOT be happy about this at all. And the guy at age 25 should be smarter, especially these days!
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 So when I calm down, what should I say to him? Should I ask him what is the deal with the 14 year old and the lies? He is going to wonder how I know. See it really hurts as I had trusted him to be honest all this time. I don't want to reveal I was snooping but he is the one who gave me a password and it just so happens it works for lots of things. When I was snooping, I really didn't expect to find anything. I am just a nosy person I guess like evesdropping on people's phone calls because of boredom. Well, can you live with this lie? Know about and go on? How much do you love this guy? Is there any good in the relationship? Do you two have fun, enjoy eachother's company? Is he worth fighting for? You need to decide what YOU want first before you confront him. Yes, he will be PISSED, but he did give you the password. Also, be honest with him, just say you were curious and looked. You can't deny that to him... Sidenote: when and if this gets sorted out, make a promise to yourself NOT to snoop anymore. In his life or anybody elses life. Being nosy out of bordem will get you in trouble......
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 Yeah if I had a14 year old daughter and found out a 25 year old man was messaging her, I would be furious. Do I love him? Yes. We have a blast together. I am moving to his country soon to be with him. Should I tell him to give up the chatting with the teenager? He will want to know why since I thought nothing of it before. I really didn't as I thought it was just friends as I have chatted with her a few times too. I have male friends I chat with too but they are adults and not kids. But reading through their chats he did tell her he thought she was very attractive a few times.
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 Just say you thought about it and you don't feel it's right that a 25 year old man with a girlfriend should be conversing ONLINE to a 14 year old CHILD. Friends are friends, but WTF do they have in common? Do they talk about sex? I'm sorry, I just don't see what HE is getting out of it other than a thrill and an ego feed...Even leading her on. That makes my stomach churn...I can understand the 14 year old getting more out of it -Age, wisdom, advice... The red flags are flapping BIG TIME here. Take a step back and see the whole picture. It's f**k'n creepy! He is actually TELLING her HE thinks SHE'S attractive. YUK. He has to end it, NOW. It's just wrong. You know that too.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 I went back and read some of the conversations and really they are the mentality of a 14 year old. Most of it is; I hate my parents, I love this band, I like this guy at school but he doesn't know I exist, I hate school, I have so much homework to do. It is just utter nonsense. There is no sex talk.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 So what if he denies telling her she was attractive and refuses to end the friendship? I suspect he will tell me I am being silly and there is nothing to it. Another thing I found was that one time I was wanting to call him on the phone but he wanted to wait and keep chatting to me for some reason and it turns out he was chatting to the teen at the same time. Also another time he and I were having a very adult chat, just short of a cyber and I find out he was chatting to her at the same time! Gross! It was just so gross to read him talking to her like nothing and then knowing at the same time he was talking sex with me.
Vertex Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 What if he is talking to a relative that is really young? Or a daughter of a friend? It could be totally innocent. --- Point is, you could bring it up and admit you snooped only to find that there was no real issue at hand, here. Then it would only reveal that you snooped. Don't jump to any conclusions just yet. Do you know how these two met?
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 What if he is talking to a relative that is really young? Or a daughter of a friend? It could be totally innocent. --- Point is, you could bring it up and admit you snooped only to find that there was no real issue at hand, here. Then it would only reveal that you snooped. Don't jump to any conclusions just yet. Do you know how these two met? No this isn't a relative or daughter of a friend. I already know that. They met on some gaming forum online. They live in different countries and have never met in person. I never thought there was a real issue with it until I found out he was telling her he thought she was attractive and making her a priority over me sometimes.
westernxer Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 You're doing long distance with your boyfriend, are you not? If so, then anything goes.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 You're doing long distance with your boyfriend, are you not? If so, then anything goes. How do you figure that?
westernxer Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 Face it, you never see each other. Something's gonna give. And if you met each other online, chances are he's meeting others as well (which he has).
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 Face it, you never see each other. Something's gonna give. And if you met each other online, chances are he's meeting others as well (which he has). Are you speaking from experience here? What would you do, just end it with him? Confront him?
westernxer Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 I had one long distance, only because she was a family friend. We finally net after a couple months and it fizzled, and I'll never do it again. Never did the online thing though. In fact, I didn't even know her e-mail address, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Until we met, it was all phone calls and letters. Have you met him yet? If not, just end it. It's better to meet people in 3D.
Walk Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 I'm still trying to figure out how you know he lied about his computer crashing. You said you saw your emails on there, but did he send emails out during that time? Did he have sent messages for those few days? Just wondering because it sounded as though you were saying all you saw were the messages you sent him. Read email, not sent email, or other activity that would prove the computer was functional. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong... I very well may have read your original post all wrong.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 I had one long distance, only because she was a family friend. We finally net after a couple months and it fizzled, and I'll never do it again. Never did the online thing though. In fact, I didn't even know her e-mail address, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Until we met, it was all phone calls and letters. Have you met him yet? If not, just end it. It's better to meet people in 3D. lol No, this isn't an only online relationship. I have spent considerable time with him in real life and am moving there at the end of the year.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 I'm still trying to figure out how you know he lied about his computer crashing. You said you saw your emails on there, but did he send emails out during that time? Did he have sent messages for those few days? Just wondering because it sounded as though you were saying all you saw were the messages you sent him. Read email, not sent email, or other activity that would prove the computer was functional. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong... I very well may have read your original post all wrong. Yes he sent emails and messages out on those days to people. I saw the emails and messages he sent out on days he claims he wasn't online.
westernxer Posted April 29, 2006 Posted April 29, 2006 I can't believe he lets you access his e-mail account. That's sacred ground, regardless of whether or not I'm doing anything questionable.
Author justagirliegirl Posted April 29, 2006 Author Posted April 29, 2006 I can't believe he lets you access his e-mail account. That's sacred ground, regardless of whether or not I'm doing anything questionable. He shares all that type of information with me; banking, everything. Maybe I am making a big deal over this as all this occured last year and I just now found out about it. He really has been good since we had it out earlier this month. Plus he has only emailed the teenager 10 times this entire year and none of it was saying she was pretty or anything anymore.
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