Move to his country or wait on him?

April 28, 2006

it's practically a year since he broke up with me, we were LDR but have maintained contact through email and occasional SMS since, up to this day.

It has been hard, I've tried to make it work with another guy but haven't been able to get over my ex

When I have suggested a reconciliation in the past, my ex has avoided talking about his feelings, just saying 'i just want you to finish uni'. he has also provided me with financial support and sent gifts, including a birthday present.

i am about to complete my degree in a few weeks. i have been applying to jobs in his country, he even sent off some postal applications on my behalf when i asked him to. he just agreed to post them without any other comment.

when i tell him how i feel about him, he doesnt respond. i have made it clear that i want a reconciliation when i graduate.

when he asked me about my plans following graduation, i replied 'i'm coming to your country so that we can finally make plans for our future'. before breaking up, we discussed marriage.

he didn't respond to this, but continues the platonic emailing. when i stop replying to his emails, he keeps sending me cute news stories, asks a random question about something i may know about etc, he insists on contact.

so, the question i am asking is this;

should i wait for him to instigate any reconciliation? or should i ask him directly how he feels about reconciliation and continue making plans to be in his country?

April 28, 2006

If the only reason you are moving to another country is for this man then you need to slow down and consider you options more carefully.

You don't even know at this point that he is looking for a reconciliation. You've hinted that is what you are looking for, but he has not responded nor encouraged you.

He might be unaware of how serious you are about moving.

I suggest the first thing you do is get your cards out on the table. You need to speak to him and find out if he is interested in a reconciliation. What happens if you move out there and then find that he isn't interested? How would you feel? What would you do?

Talk to him, then make a decision.

April 28, 2006

Thanks LK for the reality check

I spoke to my mother about it this morning and she said the same as you

there is no way I can possibly think of moving to his country without knowing how he feels

If I go, it would be on the basis that we would be together

Otherwise it's not an option

I've just emailed him making my feelings clear about a reconciliation. Let's wait to see what he says in response. I told him that I want a reconciliation and that I need to know how he feels, as I dont want to misconstrue his actions.

That way he has a chance to think about his reply, I dont want to put him on the spot or appear to be pressuring him.

He emailed me yesterday asking about my final year project, asking whether or not it is the last thing I had left to do. I waited a day, and then replied, telling him the date i am finishing up.

May 2, 2006

so he replied about my email about when i was finishing up

he told me to hang on!! it's almost over!

but he didnt respond to the reconciliation email

nothing

not even an acknowledgement that he received it

so i get his well wishes but i also get ignored

am i totally fooling myself that i have a chance with this guy?

May 2, 2006

Seems strange that he should mail to pass on good wishes, but ignore the other email. Perhaps he is still considering his response on that one and hasn't yet formulated his response? He might be mulling things over trying to work out what he wants.

Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you until he thinks you're all finished up and it won't have such a big effect?! Just a thought.

Perhaps give it a bit longer before pushing for a response.

May 2, 2006

he just replied with this;

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I am going to be totally honest with you too. i really don't know the

answer. i am sorry. this idea of getting back together appears in my

mind all the time. we had an amazing time together but it's the bad

time that i am afraid of. i have been trying very hard to move on. i

have been trying to convince myself that i can move on. but i am not

sure if i am making any process. we had too much history, we had been

thru too much together. i have been very confused. i have been kind of

seeing someone but i don't really know what i am doing. i am sorry. i

have been doubting everything that i am doing. not sure why i am in

hk. not sure why i am running the company. not sure if this is the

life that i want.

one thing that i am sure is that i want to be in touch with you. i

want to know that you are doing ok. i want to be there if you need any

of my help. and of course that you can get your degree soon. that's

the most important thing to me at this point.

----

what should i do? it would be great to get some outside perspective.

i didnt reply yet, and i think i will wait a while before i reply

May 2, 2006

he just replied, i posted it below;