Fairytale without forever ending

[RealityCheck]

After leaving a relationship of 5 years, I felt the need for some me time. I was on my own for about four months when I felt the urge to want one casual partner to feed my intimacy needs. Of course sharing a little tenderness and some laughs would be a bonus. My intention wasn’t to pursue anyone who was married by any stretch of the imagination, but then the experience presented itself. At the time, I thought a married man could fulfill the need I was seeking. We could establish an intimate relationship without the day-to-day committed responsibilities. I could have the best of both worlds, my freedom in a non-commital sense and great sex with one casual partner. So it began; We met online. My MM was honest right from the get go about his marital situation. He explained to me that he did not love his wife, but will never leave his marriage for “practicle” reasons. I seriously, couldn’t wrap my brain around staying for “practicle” vs “love”, but what did it matter to me, I was only there for intimacy! No big deal right? We would get together every 14 days, email each other everyday and he would call me at least three times a week. With each encounter, I felt myself getting more and more attached. This carried on for 5 months. On our last encounter, after spending an entire day together I cried! I cried because I felt as though a piece of me had walked out the door with him. It was in that moment, I knew I was falling for a man that was not within my reach. I emailed him that evening and told him, it was time for me to end involvement with him. It was killing me to type each word, but I knew, if I did not end it, I would be in for an emotional roller coaster ride of my life. He responded to my email with the most heart felt words and confessed to being in love with me and that he cryied like a baby! In fact, he admitted that he couldn’t get through my email the first time without breaking down. I must have read his email 30 times! I so badly wanted to see him again, but knew I needed to end it then or possibly never. It took every ounce of strength in me on a daily basis not to loose sight of the reality of being the “other woman”. I thought about the experience a lot! In fact, that’s all I could think about for months. I discovered how easily a person can fall in love with a married man. In those times of being with him, it was always passionate, lustfull, loving, tender and fun. In those times with him, he always made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. In those times, there was nothing but him and I. There was absolutely nothing but us! It was indeed living a dream and hanging on to a fairytale that unfortunately does not come with the forever after. It is a slow manipulation of the mind and heart because in our shared time it ALWAYS felt so damn good! Reality is, I abhored my life being dictated by his commitment to his marriage in what he referred to as staying for “practicle reasons”. I couldn’t pick-up a phone and call him just to say “I miss you today”. Our times together were always scheduled whether he could get away from his obligations to his “Wife” and that no matter how much I looked forward to his heart felt emails on a daily basis, it just wasn’t enough to feed my emotional needs. It was in knowing that I was not prepared to deny myself all the love I deserve. I am now dating, but I have to admit, I miss my MM a lot! The fantasy just does not go away because it was to good to be true.

[zarathustra]

I feel your pain. But take note in your strength... do you know how strong you are being able to walk away and stay away? Its no easy task.

 

You deserve to be loved by someone who can be free to announce to the world that he loves you, you deserve to be with someone that you can call whenever you need him. You deserve to be with someone who you can call at anytime just to say, "I love you and I miss you". You will find that someday and you'll be able to find it when you give up the fantasy and hope that he will leave his wife.

 

By the way, wtf is 'practical reason' to stay in a marriage. Please, I'm really curious?

[RealityCheck]

I hear you on many levels!! Thanks for your response. His meaning of "practicle" reasons were financially, obligation and society's rules in a sense of (OMG what are people going to think!). All of this put a bad flavor in my mouth! I did tell him, he broke his obligation when he was with me! Financially, is a poor ass excuse! And; living by what society dictates deprives a person of their own life happiness.

[zarathustra]

what are people going to think? That's a practical reason? Puhleeeeeeze!! If he stayed in an unhappy marriage because of fear of what others would think, then he's really got to sort out his life! I think that if he were to split up with his wife because they don't love each other anymore and that he is willing to give her the freedom to find a man that truly loves her, isn't that more admirable? anyway, you should ask yourself, would you want to be tied for life with a man that cares more about what society would think of him than doing the right thing by letting his wife find love if he's not the one who can provide it to her?

 

You are absolutely right, he broke his obligation to his wife when he was with you.

 

The staying for Financial reason is kind of lame. Is he dependant on her or does he just not want to split the goods if they were to split. Either way its bad. The former tells you he's a free loader and the latter tells you that he wouldn't want to acknowledge his wife for the contributions she has made to his success. Either way, is this the kind of man you want to be with?

[Jessie61]

Realitycheck,

 

Zara is right; you have been incredibly strong to just walk away and STAY away! Sometimes I wish that I could have been better at the latter. It is so difficult to just stop. I never tried drugs of any kind, but I doubt very much that high class cocaine would produce the same type of rush that an A can bring... (Unfortunately, there is a serious down combined with the incredible high...!)

 

Anyway, I agree with both you and Zara. This lame "society" excuse is just a coward's way out. Surely a person can let the thought of a few twitching curtains on the road where he/she lives stop him/her from doing something which would ultimately make him/her and potentially other people much happier??? The tittle tattle that would follow a break up only lasts for about 10 minutes until these gossips find something else to talk about! How can anyone let these sometimes faceless and nameless people control your life???

 

So keep doing what you are doing. And stay in touch! OK?

[Graydaughter]

I'm in your situation too, RealityCheck! My MM said he couldn't leave because it would crush his wife and he didn't want to hurt anyone. I guess he didn't think he was hurting me. I also think he is worried about finances, and what his family will think, so he said he lives a facade. I couldn't live like that, but now it appears he has gone back to it fulltime. I haven't heard from him since yesterday morning, when he called and I was rather abrupt and said I needed to get back to work. He said I had an attitude and that he had missed talking to me. He is acting as if we were just casual friends and that hurts more than anything. Please read my post and you will see how we have come to this place. I send him an email today saying that I can't take the way he is treating me and when and if we can have a real conversation to call me. I doubt he will even read the email or take the time to respond. I think he is trying to pretend he doesn't care, since he is no longer in my city and can longer call or see me when he wants. I feel your pain, but you did the right thing. I wish I had the strength to do the same thing, but my message today may have accomplished the same thing.

 

You are strong and you can move on. You are taking steps in the right direction by dating. It is hard, because I had my 2nd date with someone last night and I cried all the way home after he dropped me off at my car. It just doesn't feel right and I don't feel anything for the man, even though he single and very nice, sincere and caring.

[RealityCheck]

Zara!!

I gotta tell you, you certainly gave a real heavy dose of reality to my response! Yes! Yes! Yes! I often thought about how he was depriving his "Wife" and the Mother of his child the love and respect she deserves! I put myself in her position and truthfully couldn't stand to be there! I often thought in my quiet moments of his selfishness! That was the driving force behind my decision! I should clairify, I prefer reality over fantasy!

[movinon05]

IMHO, Zara and RC are dead on. This has always been my belief. Even though it may cause pain, I cannot for the life of me fathom why someone would stay in a marriage just to coddle the spouse or just pretend that everything is okay. It doesn't matter whether its because of an OW/OM, or if someone realizes their sexual preference is for the same gender, or whatever. Yes it causes pain, but we are only here once. If someone doesn't love me wholeheartedly then I say, leave. Leave me to find someone who will. Take care of the kids together and help them through this even if you are hurting. We all ultimately want to be happy. If someone is not happy with me, then don't do me any favors by sticking around for my benefit. I know that sounds simplistic. And not everyone can handle that concept. Its just my way of thinking. And no matter what, I don't believe in dragging people down because of the way they feel. You cannot help how you feel. You can't make your heart feel a certain way unless you truly want to put the work into it and make a go of it. But for God's sake, stop pretending. Ugh.

[movinon05]

I also wanted to add a few examples, but I had to run out to drop my son off.

 

My parents were miserable into their marriage and not because of any affairs. There were other issues. They stayed for the kids, but personally, I just wished they would get a divorce. My mom did finally leave, and we're all doing just fine. I was just happy when it was over.

 

My BF went through his W having As and sleeping around all the time with all kinds of guys. He did want to make it work, but she didn't, so he gave up. He went through the angry stage and all, but in the end, he knew he would rather be with someone who wanted him and only him. And he also took care of the kids. He is platonic with his exW. Its not like they are friends, but they have to stay in touch because of the kids, so they do. He doesn't berate her. He accepted it finally and did what was necessary for the kids and for himself. And he is really happy now.

 

Now, my exH has been and is still very bitter all these years later. He cried when I left and said I was the love of his life and he would NEVER find anyone ever again. Well, as soon as I left, he started looking online and dating and then he found someone within 8 months of my leaving who he is engaged to and living with. Personally, I'm just as glad because it gets him off my back. But you would "think" he would ease up because he found someone else and is presumably happy. But no. He can't deal with me on an adult level and he takes it out on the kids. If you can't deal with me fine, but don't take it out on the kids.

 

Ok, I'm getting off on a rant. I just don't get it. And he is not perfect by any means. Oh well. Sorry for going on. But I can't be all bad if my kids love me to death and trust me and come to me after all this!

[scarletletter]

I can feel your pain. I am going through the exact same thing. I haven't told mm that I am not going to see him anymore because I am not ready to do that. But like you, I knew going into this mess that he was not ready to leave his wife until kids were gone to college...6 or more years! I know that I cannot be the OW for that long and I won't be. Just dreading the day when I pull the plug. I fell for this man HARD!! He is everything to me EXCEPT available....my stupid fault, but live and learn!

[Owl]

Movin-

 

I've got a question...and please realize I'm NOT going to attack you regardless of the answer...it's just a question that might help clarify why your ex has reacted the way he has.

 

Did your marriage with him end because of infidelity? Were either of you unfaithful to the other?

 

I'm curious because if that's the case, then it's likely I can help you understand his viewpoint of things...this tags along with a conversation I had with my wife about what OUR relationship was going to be like if she left me for her OM.

[movinon05]

Movin-

 

I've got a question...and please realize I'm NOT going to attack you regardless of the answer...it's just a question that might help clarify why your ex has reacted the way he has.

 

Did your marriage with him end because of infidelity? Were either of you unfaithful to the other?

 

I'm curious because if that's the case, then it's likely I can help you understand his viewpoint of things...this tags along with a conversation I had with my wife about what OUR relationship was going to be like if she left me for her OM.

 

Fair enough. Our M did ultimately end because of the A, but it was going south before then. Let me add that while I realize the animosity he would feel, I'm hoping you can address why he chooses to take it out on the children, if that is what you are getting at. But I am curious to know your conversation with your wife as I had a few with my H as well.

 

And P.S. to RC, apologies if this thread is being TJ'd.

[Owl]

Well, I can tell you that my wife and I talked about what our 'relationship' would have been had we divorced...this discussion occurred while she was waiting in a motel room for her flight to go live with OM...whom she'd never met face to face with.

 

She was set to go live with him (and of course all that that would entail) without having ever actually having met this man in person...hers was an emotional affair up to this point.

 

She'd told me that she'd hoped that I would just 'accept' what she was doing as the best for all of us, and that the kids would come to know and love OM like a second dad. She'd hoped that her, OM, and I could all end up going back to being close friends.

 

I made it very clear to her that if she left me to be with him...if she KNOWINGLY escalated her affair to being physical (and I KNOW it would have happened the night she arrived...I know my wife and know that she would have consumated their 'relationship' that way soon), that I would NOT accept her back...as ANY part of my life.

 

I told her that the pain would have been so great that there is no way I would have EVER been willing to be physically near OM at any point...had that happened, she'd better plan on calling the cops and the ambulance...because it would have been BAD. I meant what I said...OM was an ex-marine...I'm an ex-Army combat vet, ex-martial arts instructor, and while I'm not an huge aggressive guy, I'm fully capable of doing what needs to be done.

 

I let her know that I realized she would have planned on bringing OM to any of the kid's future events, like graduations, marriages, whatever. And that there was no way that I could consider being in attendance if she and him were there. I told her that the kids would be forced to choose between who they would like there...because there would be NO peace if we all showed up.

 

I meant it. I still mean it. Had she followed through, had this happened...I would have NEVER forgiven her, or him for it. I told her that she was not only betraying our marriage...she was betraying our friendship too. Her lies, her deception, her cheating...all of this was an attack on that as well. And if we couldn't reconcile through those lies, there would be no friendship either. Nothing...her choice was either him or I in her life...NOT BOTH.

 

I told her that if she went to him...to be with him physically...that I'd never get the thought of that out of mind, especially if she did that KNOWING what it would do to me.

 

I wouldn't be amazed if your H probably felt/feels the very same way.

 

I don't know how he's taking it out on the kids...but you might have well considered what I said as something as along those lines as well. It wasn't...it was simple statement of fact.

 

Infidelity is hard, often impossible to forgive. And what happened probably taints his every thought of you now. He probably can't believe that the good times you DID share were real. I know that I struggled with what to believe about OUR marriage.

 

In our case, we did manage to reconcile...and while it's not been an easy two years since then, we're going to make it.

 

Hope this might help you see what he might be dealing with...and again, this is no judgement on you...so please don't feel like it's meant that way.

[RealityCheck]

Movinon....

I can completely relate to everything you are saying as well. I don't believe in staying in a relationship because OMG, I may be alone with myself (afraid of being alone), afraid of family views, financial reasons, the kids sake or anything that has nothing to do with a "Loving" relationship. I was always independant as far as my career went, and if I wasn't I sure as hell would find a way!! As far as my kids, I totally agree with having more harm done to them in a loveless enviornment than leaving and having both parents co-parent and give them a the loving enviornment in separate homes! I still can't understand my friends who stay for these types of reasons. I did not leave my marriage because of infidelity on either part. I left because I truly was not happy for many reasons. The old saying "people change in marriage". Well, ironically my EX became himself after the honeymoon was over!

[movinon05]

Well, I can tell you that my wife and I talked about what our 'relationship' would have been had we divorced...this discussion occurred while she was waiting in a motel room for her flight to go live with OM...whom she'd never met face to face with.

 

She was set to go live with him (and of course all that that would entail) without having ever actually having met this man in person...hers was an emotional affair up to this point.

 

She'd told me that she'd hoped that I would just 'accept' what she was doing as the best for all of us, and that the kids would come to know and love OM like a second dad. She'd hoped that her, OM, and I could all end up going back to being close friends.

 

I made it very clear to her that if she left me to be with him...if she KNOWINGLY escalated her affair to being physical (and I KNOW it would have happened the night she arrived...I know my wife and know that she would have consumated their 'relationship' that way soon), that I would NOT accept her back...as ANY part of my life.

 

I told her that the pain would have been so great that there is no way I would have EVER been willing to be physically near OM at any point...had that happened, she'd better plan on calling the cops and the ambulance...because it would have been BAD. I meant what I said...OM was an ex-marine...I'm an ex-Army combat vet, ex-martial arts instructor, and while I'm not an huge aggressive guy, I'm fully capable of doing what needs to be done.

 

I let her know that I realized she would have planned on bringing OM to any of the kid's future events, like graduations, marriages, whatever. And that there was no way that I could consider being in attendance if she and him were there. I told her that the kids would be forced to choose between who they would like there...because there would be NO peace if we all showed up.

 

I meant it. I still mean it. Had she followed through, had this happened...I would have NEVER forgiven her, or him for it. I told her that she was not only betraying our marriage...she was betraying our friendship too. Her lies, her deception, her cheating...all of this was an attack on that as well. And if we couldn't reconcile through those lies, there would be no friendship either. Nothing...her choice was either him or I in her life...NOT BOTH.

 

I told her that if she went to him...to be with him physically...that I'd never get the thought of that out of mind, especially if she did that KNOWING what it would do to me.

 

I wouldn't be amazed if your H probably felt/feels the very same way.

 

I don't know how he's taking it out on the kids...but you might have well considered what I said as something as along those lines as well. It wasn't...it was simple statement of fact.

 

Infidelity is hard, often impossible to forgive. And what happened probably taints his every thought of you now. He probably can't believe that the good times you DID share were real. I know that I struggled with what to believe about OUR marriage.

 

In our case, we did manage to reconcile...and while it's not been an easy two years since then, we're going to make it.

 

Hope this might help you see what he might be dealing with...and again, this is no judgement on you...so please don't feel like it's meant that way.

 

Ok. First of all, I'm glad you were able to work things out. I think what you did was very understandable. I would never say it wasn't. I don't expect people to not go through pain and anger. However, although it might be a similar situation, there are quite a few differences in each situation. And while I could not possibly explain everything here without writing a book, I'll just give you a few differences.

 

One big thing is this was not an online thing where I never met him. I can't imagine I could ever take that kind of a bold step with someone I'd never met, never mind just get on a plane and leave my kids.

 

When it all came out in the open, MM called my house and asked my H if they could go out and talk. So MM picked my H up and they went for a ride in his truck. I wasn't present so I can only tell you what I was told afterward that took place.

 

MM was expecting H to confront him physically in some way and he wouldn't have blamed him. (Mind you, MM is a big guy and H is a small guy. He never would have put a dent in MM, but whatever). I don't know much of the conversation except that my H told MM that he and I were going to counseling to make our marriage work. (This was not true). So MM, believing what H was saying, told him if that was the case, then he would step back. But if H ever hurt me, he would be back. Then they shook hands and he dropped H back home. The whole thing was rather bizarre in MM's mind because he would have acted differently if the shoe was on the other foot and was certainly not expecting a handshake.

 

H told me that he would only forgive me if I stayed. You said basically the same thing to your W. In my opinion, I don't believe you can put a condition on forgiveness. You either forgive the person or you don't. As far as I'm concerned, you don't give an ultimatum with forgiveness. The only reason I stayed for 6 more months was to find out what was going on with me and try to figure out how to get my life, the kids, and this whole thing in order. Although I could sit here and write for hours why our M was already going down the tubes, its just too much to go over. You'll have to trust me on that. The fact of the matter became that I was no longer in love with my H and I knew I never would be again. So, even if MM wasn't there, I would've ended it eventually because I can't imagine living like that for the rest of my life.

 

I can understand how what I did would taint how he felt about me. But he did very horrible things to the kids. And I think it was his way of getting back at me, but he was directing his anger towards the wrong people. His own children. They didn't deserve that. If you're going to be angry and nasty, then be angry and nasty to me. His behavior was so outrageous at times that other people were appalled because he embarrassed his children, hurt them terribly and does so to this day so that even his own family is angry with him. I do really believe he has a mental illness and I don't say that lightly.

 

Yes, it was a betrayal. But my other thought is - he found someone else. I know this sounds odd, but you would think that if he fell in love with someone else (only 8 months later) and has started a new life with her, they should both be thanking me that they found each other. Now don't anybody go on a rant about that for the way I am phrasing that. I'm hoping you know what I mean by that. I think what I'm trying to say is that things happen for a reason. I'm assuming he's very happy now! Yes it was a hard way to get there, but at least he has someone who loves him the way he wants to be loved. Which goes to what I was saying earlier about living your life with someone you love and someone who can give you what you need. I was unhappy in our M. And it would have ultimately destroyed any kind of happiness for him because I was checking out of the M day by day before all this happened.

 

My BF has forgiven his ex because he doesn't believe in carrying around that baggage. He has released it in order to be happy. And I think that's the only way you truly can be happy. I think by carrying around this anger, he's only defeating himself. And my children as well. There will never be a good enough excuse for what he has done to my children. Which is why I have to believe he has mental issues. (There are other reasons, but again, too much to go into here).

 

I do appreciate where you are coming from though.

[movinon05]

The old saying "people change in marriage". Well, ironically my EX became himself after the honeymoon was over!

 

And that's what happened to me as well, RC.

 

I agree with everything you said.

[Guest]

Movin-

 

As I said...no judgements from me. I recognize that there are differences in circumstances and people.

 

I can understand that you don't believe you can place conditions on forgiveness...that's likely a point where we aren't likely to agree. I could forgive someone for punching me in the eye if I understood their reasoning and what led up to it...but if they continue to punch me in the eye whenever they feel like they have to...why would I continue to forgive them?

 

I feel the same about 'unconditional love'...I may very well love someone with all of my heart...but is it realistic to expect that I'll feel the same way about them after they've tied me to the bed and set fire to the sheets? Things that make ya say 'hmmmmmm'.......

 

And just so I'm getting my point across clearly...I'm NOT defending him taking his anger out on your kids. I don't know specifics (nor do I need to), but simply wanted to see if what he was doing was something along the lines of what I'd told my wife was likely to be in our future based on her affair. We've got four older kids, and they suspected that there was something wrong for several weeks prior to our 'd-day' (when I found the 'proof'). When I confronted my wife and she was set to leave, I let her know that SHE was going to have to be the one to break it to the kids...her choice, she should be the one to handle it.

 

If your ex is truly being abusive (emotionally, physically, whatever) then you have the moral obligation as their mom (that won't ever go away) to do something about it. Report it, take it to CPS, whatever it takes.

 

I had to laugh at the comment about your MM being a big guy and your H not being able to put a dent in him...my wife's OM thought the same thing about me too. My wife was worried sick on d-day that I would do something to OM...she repeatedly warned OM that he needed to be careful. He thought it was cute that she was worried about him...she knew that while I'm fully capable of handling myself in a one on one situation, she knew full well I wouldn't walk up and start a fight. Had I went after him, it would have been a completely different thing...but I decided almost immediately that there was no point in doing so.

 

I do hope that things work out well for everyone in your situation. Good luck to you my friend!

[movinon05]

I appreciate that we can agree to disagree at times. And I find it refreshing that being a BS you can come on a forum like this and be civilized to all, and give constructive criticism, POVs and advice. I think your W is very lucky.

 

As far as forgiveness, I agree with some of what you said, but when love dies, how do you put a condition on forgiveness for that? People cannot help how they feel, and it was because of him in our M that my love was dying. He could not rectify that situation no matter how hard he tried. Again - too much detail for here. But he takes no responsibility for why that happened. And I spent the entire marriage and the divorce and to this day, putting out fires that he started and starts with my children. It was and is exhausting.

 

As far as the kids, its not something that you can call the cops over now. I have 3 sons, 20, 19 and 14. The older ones are bigger than him and can kick his butt if they want to. (and have wanted to!) What he did in the beginning was put them right in the middle - for years - where they didn't want to be. When I told him I wanted a separation before he even knew about MM, on a Friday morning before the kids went to school, he insisted they know NOW, and just threw it at them as they prepared to walk out the door, though I insisted this could wait til after school. Of course, they didn't get to school that day. After the A was out, he did make those threats about the kids, etc. Unfortunately, they didn't like what he was doing and how he was acting, which is why they ran to me. I talked to them all the time. They told me exactly how they felt and I told them exactly how I felt. It was hard times. But I think the fact that I was honest with them and talked to them and encouraged them to talk to me and feel how they were feeling, is what helped them in the end. They didn't like his behavior at all.

 

As far as the size of MM and H. It really didn't matter anyway. Because my H always talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk. His brothers are small too but that never stopped them from kicking some a$$ when they had to. He can't even have a normal argument without changing the subject because he can never justify the stupid s*** he says. He drives my kids crazy. They can't talk to him at all about anything.

 

So, I do appreciate your candor. And I can understand a lot of what you said about his feelings towards me.

[RealityCheck]

Mmmm....

I believe the whole idea of "Who can take Who" is pure NON-sense. What's the point! If someone didn't want me, he sure as hell isn't worth fighting over! Dont' get me wrong, I'd be hurting something BAD!! However, its not that time heals wounds, it is what I do in that time and knowing me, I would be getting my groove on pretty quick!

 

As far as putting the kids in the middle...Grrrrrrrrrrr

That upsets me! My EX pulls this crap off and it infuriates me to see my children hurting, because his "Ego" really believes he is getting back at me when the reality is.....he's hurting his own children! All I can do is rise above his emotional blackmail and consistantly bring love back into their hearts without bashing him! Literally choking every word lovingly is the toughest task! In the end, the kids do form their own opinion and see the truth in all its form.

[RealityCheck]

Well, Well, Well.......

 

Okay, so I'm keeping ya all posted! You guessed it! Heeeeee's back!!

Well, not in a physical sense, but I received two emails the other day from the MM. One saying "I'm thinking about you" and the other saying "I'm still sorting out things, when my head is clear, can I call you"? WTF!!!

I must admit, I did feel a rush of excitement when I opened my email. Truth is, my feelings were of both of WOW! and YUCKY! The "WOW" being the memory of when we were together, and the "YUCKY" being the immediate turmoil of emotion of why I ended it in the first place!

Not liking this at all! Did I respond? Yes! Mostly out of curiosity for the questions he is wanting to ask me.

 

My initial thought was he probably is having some bad days with his W and it moves his feelings to his times spent with me where everything felt soooo damn good! I'm really beginning to believe, this is why these affairs become so complex. On both parts, it is all the "Love" and "Lack Of" that the affair continues.

 

Now here's my question:

Why don't these MM or MW move on to someone else rather than remain in contact with the OW or OM who has let it go? Because I really don't believe for a second it is real love that's for damn sure! It is something, but not "Real Love".

[movinon05]

Now here's my question:

Why don't these MM or MW move on to someone else rather than remain in contact with the OW or OM who has let it go? Because I really don't believe for a second it is real love that's for damn sure! It is something, but not "Real Love".

 

You know what? I have no idea. You got ME cookin'. The only thing I can think of is "they" think its "real love" or are finding it easier to go back to you because there's more of a chance that you will be there. Who knows?

[RealityCheck]

Movinon....

 

"Who Knows"...is the kicker that's for sure!

 

If the MM thinks it's "real love" with the OW then get out of the darn M.

If the MM feels "comfort" with the OW then get out the the darn M.

If the MM feels "complete" with the OW then get out the darn M.

If the MM feels "fulfilled" with the OW then get out the darn M.

*shakes head* I have got to quit analyizing this to death!

Because for me, this makes no sense! This is so "YUCKY".

 

No matter how I try to shape it, twist it, turn it or shake it!

It all comes down to a "Coward". Having said this, does not even come close to my definition of "Knight In Shining Armor"....

[movinon05]

Movinon....

 

"Who Knows"...is the kicker that's for sure!

 

If the MM thinks it's "real love" with the OW then get out of the darn M.

If the MM feels "comfort" with the OW then get out the the darn M.

If the MM feels "complete" with the OW then get out the darn M.

If the MM feels "fulfilled" with the OW then get out the darn M.

*shakes head* I have got to quit analyizing this to death!

Because for me, this makes no sense! This is so "YUCKY".

 

No matter how I try to shape it, twist it, turn it or shake it!

It all comes down to a "Coward". Having said this, does not even come close to my definition of "Knight In Shining Armor"....

 

Yeah that's how I feel about myMM. He was a "coward" in the end to be able to deal with what he would have to deal with in order to be with me. That's why I need him to leave me alone.

 

"Knight in shining armor" went out with the bathwater a long time ago.

[lovernotafighter]

Now here's my question:

Why don't these MM or MW move on to someone else rather than remain in contact with the OW or OM who has let it go? Because I really don't believe for a second it is real love that's for damn sure! It is something, but not "Real Love".

 

You know what? I have no idea. You got ME cookin'. The only thing I can think of is "they" think its "real love" or are finding it easier to go back to you because there's more of a chance that you will be there. Who knows?

their feelings could be genuine..they probably do believe it's real love as much as the OW/OM.

 

in these relationships we are getting the best of each other. no bills or kids..rarely no fighting..many intimate and passionate moments...no house work or other responsibilities..if you take all things in normal relationship that ruin things that is what is left in a affair.

 

I always seem to see my MM with rose colored glasses..but when I think of his and my home life and how it could be with him..I have to wonder "how long would we last" chances are not long at all.

 

but like movin said..it could also be it easier to go back to the OW/OM because they know they have at least a small chance to reconcile because they at least had genuine feelings for them

[movinon05]

I always seem to see my MM with rose colored glasses..but when I think of his and my home life and how it could be with him..I have to wonder "how long would we last" chances are not long at all.

 

At that's what I have to think about now too. Because I've seen all his sides over all these years. I was always jumping through hoops trying to please him. I know now I don't want to be jumping through hoops for the rest of my life.