Agent M Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 The guy I'm dating won't have sex with me!!!!!!!! It's been about 8 or 9 months. He has genital warts, which were treated. After they disappeared, we talked about how we could have safe sex, then came up with a plan. At the beginnning he said he didn't want to jump into anything, then later told me that he gets carried away and the sex becomes an overriding interest, and that having sex would change the dynamics of the relationship (but can't explain exactly how besides the above mentioned). Then, the warts came back and he won't go back to the doctor but is trying garlic instead. I feel like he's really not interested in getting rid of them....He seems to really like me and we have done other fun sexual things together, although I can't give him bj's and I'm tired of the endless handjobs..... So, naturally I'm getting impatient. We're both in our late 30's. It could be that we never have sex! He's probably not the "one" for me although I like and enjoy him very much. What to do??
Art_Critic Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Stop the handjobs.. You are getting him off and he is satisfied with that.. Personally I would think twice about someone who won't have sex with someone after 8-9 months.. What other areas are they going to be lacking in in the relationship if sex ranks so low after 8-9 months
Author Agent M Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 Thanks Art Critic. I will try stopping the handjobs....I hope he will care. He and his last girlfriend didn't have much sex. (although he has expressed some dissatisfaction with that)
littlekitty Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 8 or 9 months?! WTF?? Personally 8 or 9 weeks would be long enough for me to wait!! There must be something more to this I imagine. Try was A_C recommends. Stop the hand jobs. If he still isn't interested, since he isn't 'the one', I'd probably move on.
Author Agent M Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 Should I explain, or should I just stop and let him figure it out??
Author Agent M Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 Oh, and, he doesn't masturbate much either.
littlekitty Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 I'd probably just stop the hand jobs and wait until he questions it. I'm very concerned about his lack of sex drive though. Is there anything else going on that you can think of? Are you his first g/f? He doesn't have a Shirley Temple collection or anything? ( ) Hmmmm... I'm pretty sure there is something more to it than this. Whether you'll ever find out what it is or not I'm not sure.
Author Agent M Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 No...he's really good looking, has had a ton of girlfriends and a ton of sex. He's 38. He's very masculine. He even has books on Tantra. It seems like he's afraid of losing control, as though if he has sex with me he will be focusing on it too much. I can't really understand that, especially since we already have an established relationship. Thanks for all your help!
nicki Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 If he's had "tons of sex" in the past, then what's changed? Has he had genital warts for years, or just recently been diagnosed? He might be feeling some shame over the STD, which is a normal reaction. He might feel sex is bad because he contracted the STD...and has rejected the whole idea of sex...his refusal to go to the doctor makes me think he doesn't want to deal with the issue.. Again, normal reactions, but ones that need to be worked through... You both need to have a big talk. Reassure him that you find him sexy and want to be intimate with him. Tell him that sex is an important part of any relationship, and that you love him as he is. Tell him that you want to be as physically and emotionally close to him as you can be. Oh yeah, good advice form the poster who said stop the handjobs. He has no incentive to make things better... Good luck!
Author Agent M Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 He just contracted the STD (last g/f cheated on him). He wasn't having that much sex with her though. He told me that he's stayed together with girls in the past just because the sex was good. Thanks for your help!
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