jhurtinct Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 I came home on sun. after a dem at a friends house and he was mad at me because I was 45 min later than I had expected (mind you we broke up on tues, I think and he did buy the bike) he had our son all day. He yelled over the phone we need to talk I'm not going to play your games, so I said when you come home we will talk. He came in as cocky as could be and was done talking didn't want to bother told me to move I didn't so he pushed me then again so I lost it I did drink at the dem and I pushed back and so on and so on all the way down the hall, our son was there but only saw part of the down the hall thing and his two friends were there. I was crying and I picked up and called the police, Dumbest thing I ever did, I wish someone had stopped me. Court mon. morning was great, We both have to cooperate with DCF because our son was there, we both have to go to anger management and because I was drunk in the police report and he told them he thinks I may have a drinking problem I need to go to a substance abuse eval. He won't talk to me he still hasn't called to see how his son is handling this or discuss support or visitation. We moved back to my mothers again (me my son and our 3 animals) It hurts so bad and I'm so scared and so lost and alone right now. This s*cks. Anyone else go through something simuliar?
tinktronik Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Stay at your mom's home.Do whatever DCF tells you to (any counciling or classes) don't sign any waivers they give you though. And for now take a break from your R and figure out what you want to do.
Author jhurtinct Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 Thank you What waivers to sign and do you know what they do when they investigate. The women at court said this doesn't sound like dimestic violence it sounds more like we were angry so does that matter? and I heard from a mutual friend that DCF called him today why wouldn't they have called me also? Thanks again to anyone that can help
tinktronik Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Thank you What waivers to sign and do you know what they do when they investigate. The women at court said this doesn't sound like dimestic violence it sounds more like we were angry so does that matter? and I heard from a mutual friend that DCF called him today why wouldn't they have called me also? Thanks again to anyone that can help Many times DCF will take their time in talking to parties involved .Waivers , they are often used to get you to sign over court dates or rights , if you are asked to sign one of these make sure to have an attorney look them over first.
Author jhurtinct Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 thank you again. I just wish I could see what the future holds for my son and I it would be so much easier right now if I wasn't scared
Author jhurtinct Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 going to bed for the night be back for responses in the morning
Walk Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Just wanted to say I hope things get better for you soon. Sorry to hear how horrible things have been going for you. *hug*
Craig Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Frankly, it sounds good to me. You both have to go to anger management (nearly everyone could use this), you get to be evaluated for substance abuse, also a good thing because denial is one of the main symptoms. I'm not saying that you abuse substances. So now you have to both show some responsibility and care regarding your son now that DCF is involved. Fighting in front of your son in a manner that involves pushing is not being a good role model. You'll make it through this fine if you want to.
Author jhurtinct Posted April 28, 2006 Author Posted April 28, 2006 Thank you all so much, and craig I know that it is not a good role model, trust me the most horrible thing that could have ever happened and and truly something I never in my wildest dreams imagened ever happening. I am looking at it in as positive of a way as possible because living there in a relationship with out true love, honesty, and affection and appreciation and the list goes on and on and on....is not the best role model either and had this not happened I probably would have stayed in it because I wanted so hard to make it work so we wouldn't lose that "family" but I have since realized that none of it was healthy and now at least there is a possibilty to let our son see what 2 seperate relationships hopefully the right ones are truly supposed to be like. Instead of how I grew up watching my parents live together just for us and both be unhappy and divorce as soon as the 1st one of us moved out. I'm scared of whats to come and really wish it didn't happen this way and hope all works out best for our son, but as far as being out of it I'm almost ok with that........
aleatoryd Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 I wish you all the best jhurtinct I hope some good will come out of this. Sometimes situations need a big shake up - there's no going back but hopefully going forward will lead to sonething better. Just be safe and strong and keep your son as your number 1 priority and you'll do fine. All the best.
Author jhurtinct Posted April 28, 2006 Author Posted April 28, 2006 thank you very much I hope so he is doing almost too well with the situation right now his father hasnt; even called to see how he is hows he is holding up and he hasn't asked for him more than once. He lived here the majority of his life and his uncle(my brother)and him are very close so they do alot together. I ho[e he'll be ok
aleatoryd Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Good to hear! My sister went through a messy divorce with her ex husband and my niece grew up for a number of years at my parents. Kids can be very strong and are much more aware of what is going on then we think. If he has your brother as a father figure/example he'll be just fine. IMHO while I don't like the fact any child sees their parents argue/fight in a good sense he'll know it's not your fault and understand that his father and you won't be getting back together. Kids are smart.
Silas25 Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 He lived here the majority of his life and his uncle(my brother)and him are very close so they do alot together. Good that your brother is very close with him! No matter what he will have a good male role model in his life until you find someone to take care of the both of you the way they should. My closest female friend went through a similar situation and she has found the most wonderful man that loves her and her son more then she could have ever imagined, so there is a wonderful future possible for the both of you! But I still (after couseling and this situation is thru) his father will still be in his life, because that is the most responsible thing to do on his part... Keep strong and stay safe!
Author jhurtinct Posted April 28, 2006 Author Posted April 28, 2006 thank you, everyone again it really helps to sign on and see that people are willing to listen (sort of speak). Today is 5 full days since he has seen or talked to his father because of coarse he still hasn't called. Today is one of the first times our son has asked to see him and I changed the subject and he dropped it. Thats what is breaking my heart right now, but he still seems ok and DCF called they are coming on Mon to talk to us (my son and I) so now I will be nervous all weekend, although I think he is very well taking care of and in a better situation here.
tinktronik Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Thatt good JC .Relax thats the best thing you can do.It's probably better that your ex isn't calling right now anyway , you all would probably argue. Give it some time , don't stress .
Author jhurtinct Posted April 28, 2006 Author Posted April 28, 2006 I know its probably better but I wondering about how my son feels it's almost scaring me because his is so emotionless, I didn't expect him to take this so well.
blueberry Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I was crying and I picked up and called the police, Dumbest thing I ever did, I wish someone had stopped me. Anyone else go through something simuliar? ****************** Hey there, First up, my heart goes out to you at this time. I know exactly what you are going through. About 6 weeks ago I came home drunk, something my husband hates. I don't do it often, its just the usual "drinks out with the girls after work". Anyway, I came home this night and he exploded and slapped me. I don't remember much after that, just snippets, but basically he went on to kick me and slap me a few times. I got hysterical and called the police. He ran, they came, he came back and they arrested him. I didn't want them to do that but the law states that they must (in UK) - I only wanted to frighten him. I went on to get more hysterical at the police, got myself arrested too and we both spent the night in seperate cells. Worst thing is, that was the eve of our appointment at the Home Office to get his Settlement visa. We had to postpone it, which meant he missed out on his holiday with his best mate, he has nearly lost his job with an airline company over it (his manager found out), and basically since then its been a whole host of problems since then...a downward spiral. In this one moment of hysteria I blew away the love of my life. I have jeopardised his chances here and even though I know how it sounds, he really was just exasperated with my drinking and given his culture he didnt know which other way to respond - he had tried everything else. He really is a good man but now I see the hate in his eyes. He won't sleep in the same bed as me and he wont touch me. He has told all of his firends what I did and they no longer want to talk to me either. I feel so ostracised. He is cold and withdrawn and very hurt and angry. We are in the same house still as we have no other option at this time. My family are coming over to London for a holiday this month - neither families know any of this and we are pretending to be carrying on as normal. I love him so much but this relationship is so destructive. I love him with my heart and soul though and only want another chance. I find myself acting pathetic, grovelling and pleading with him to give us another chance. It is worth fighting for I believe as we have overcome so much in our 2.5 years of marriage. However, he says he can never ever forgive me - so how can I work with that? He left this morning to go to his home country for 4 days work training and to see his mother. He just rang to say "I am here, goodbye" and hung up. I just feel like utter utter s*** and feel like the most evil bitch. I hate myself for doing this to the man I love. Do I think we will be OK again? No, its too far gone and I will regret this for the rest of my life. Sorry for rambling but your story was quite similar to mine (how could anyone call the police on their own spouse everyone seems to think). I hear ya pain and reach out to you across the cyber waves. Kia kaha - stand strong Mx
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