about to have an affair

[miho]

i am married for 7 years, the passion is gone but i still love my husband and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i don't define love as passion, i define true love as "you still want to spend the rest of your life with that person even if the passion was long gone".

 

how do i define my passion was gone? i don't feel like kissing my husband any more, or to make love. everything is just going through motion. 4 years ago i discovered this, i thought my sexual need was dead, then i realised the problem was not my body, but having the same partner over and over again can never arouse me anymore.

 

yes, i am sad about this, there is nothing i or he can do to help. of course, he doesn't know all this, i wouldn't want to hurt him, it is not his fault at all. is my own makeup.

 

so, 4 years ago, i have the craving to have another man. the craving grew stronger and stronger. i did my best to curb it, but the cravings would manifest into regular dreams to tempt me, to remind me of my underlying strong passion.

 

i do not fall for any man easily, so 4 years passed tastlessly but peacefully. finally, i met this guy. He stirred up all the passion in me,

we flirted lightly, i can tell from his eyes he likes me too.

 

i think if he is willing, i don't think i can stop myself from starting this affair. it's been so long i have tasted passion, it has become a biological need. some married women don't have this problem or this need, but i do, fiercely. i am writing here to see if anyone could understand my feelings.

[Blind Illusion]

I can understand..some of it anyhow. Mostly, I can understand the awakening of passion part. Along with filling my deep friendship needs, I have always said that too about the MM I was involved with.

 

Yet, you still love your husband and want to spend the rest of your life with him. What will happen if you start to love this other man and it isn't just about awakening passions? That's what happens in so many situations like this.

 

Then what?

[Craig]

Understand your feelings? What about commitment??

 

Divorce your husband before beginning any new relationship. Otherwise both relationships are doomed to failure.

 

Your husband will sense something is not right and will eventually find out. Your possibly soon to be OM will not trust you because if you can do it to your husband, you can do it to him. So a long term relationship is out of the question with the OM.

 

Oh and don't forget the turmoil, double life, lying, sneaking and other crap that comes with having an affair.

 

When it all goes to hell just remember that Craig told you it would before you even started the affair.

[whichwayisup]

i am married for 7 years, the passion is gone but i still love my husband and want to be with him the rest of my life. i don't define love as passion, i define true love as "you still want to spend the rest of your life with that person even if the passion is gone".

 

If you want to be with him for the rest of your life, please do not go and have an affair. Talk to him, tell him that you feel something is missing. Maybe you both need to spice up the sex life. Introduce porn, toys or play out fantasies...(Not involving other people, but act out desires, fetishes etc.)

 

how do i define my passion is gone? i don't feel like kissing my husband any more, or to make love. everything is just going through motion. 4 years ago i discovered this, i thought my sexual need was dead, then i realised the problem is not my body, but have the same partner over and over again can never arouse me anymore.

 

I can tell you, in my 13 years with my hubby, we DO go through droughts. Not just me, but him as well. There are times I don't want him nor want to have sex, but that feeling always comes back and our sex life is absolutely amazing when it comes back.

 

Are you saying in the past 4 years sex has not been enjoyable at all?

 

Sometimes life just gets in the way, or the weather sucks, (winter time and stuff), may feel down and out, less sexy...BUT, as long as you know you love him deeply, the rest will just fall into place again.

yes, i am sad about this, there is nothing i or he can do to help. of course, he doesn't know all this, i wouldn't want to hurt him, it is not his fault at all.

 

You don't know because you have not tried. Talk to him and let him in! Let him decide what to do. You can't just decide this, knowing you'll kill his heart and be so selfish!! Come on!! If the sitaution was reversed, wouldn't you want him to talk to you, so you can try to make things GOOD again???

 

so, 4 years ago, i have the craving to have another man. the craving grew stronger and stronger. i did my best to curb it, but the cravings would manifest into regular dreams to tempt me.

 

i do not fall for any man easily, so 4 years passed tastlessly but peacefully. finally, i met this guy. He stirred up all the passion in me,

we flirted lightly, i can tell from his eyes he likes me too.

 

It seems that you allowed the passion for your husband to be transferred onto the other man. That new crushy feeling, intense sexual heat...The feelings we all get at the beginning of a relationship. The thing is, it seems you have a case of the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. IS the sex worth it? Hot passionate sex...A marriage, with a man you've built a life with, gotten to know inside and out, said vows to and possibly have a family with...Is hot sex with someone else worth giving it all up?

 

i think if he is willing, i don't think i can stop myself from starting this affair. is been so long i have tasted passion, it has become a biological need. some married women don't have this problem or this need, but i do, fiercely. i am writing here to see if anyone could understand my feelings.

 

Please go read some posts in the OW/OM forum. You will be not only hurting your husband, losing all his love, respect and trust for you - You'll be hurting yourself too.

 

Talk to your husband. Lay it all out on the line for him. Tell him that passion is missing and you want it from him. You owe to him, to yourself and to your marriage to get that passion back. Go away somewhere together. Get away from daily stresses and life, work etc...Just pick up and GO be together!

 

Give your husband a chance, give yourself a chance to see if the marriage is worth saving...Because the minute you walk out the door and into another man's arms your whole marriage is going to change forever and it won't be the same ever again. Really think about your actions and all the consquences...Please.

[tinktronik]

Understand your feelings? What about commitment??

 

Divorce your husband before beginning any new relationship. Otherwise both relationships are doomed to failure.

 

Your husband will sense something is not right and will eventually find out. Your possibly soon to be OM will not trust you because if you can do it to your husband, you can do it to him. So a long term relationship is out of the question with the OM.

 

Oh and don't forget the turmoil, double life, lying, sneaking and other crap that comes with having an affair.

 

When it all goes to hell just remember that Craig told you it would before you even started the affair.

If scratching an itch is more important than your marrige , you need a divorce not an affair. buy a vibrator instead.

[miho]

firstly, i want to thank sincerely all the advices all of you gave, i really appreciate them.

 

i dare say there is no sexual heights at all for me through these 4 whole years, no porno or techniques could ever ever arouse me again from my husband. i am not using this as an excuse to have an affair, i know this is wrong. please believe me, i know all these.

 

i was a virgin when i first married my husband. i write this just to let u know a bit more about me, that i am not someone who jump into men's bed easily.

 

my husband came everytime we made love, he is so satisfied. but i am not at all, i live with it. i know the problem is with me. i can live an empty sex live for the rest for my life and know that i will die with regret. i even thought of having kids (i am not fond of kids), make myself fat and ugly, and i won't have fantasy anymore.

 

i do love my husband, we click so well in everything, except i have no more passion for him. so i will not leave him for any gorgeous guy. i love him, that's why i have spent 4 sexually tastless years with him, because i believe an empty sex life is not an enough reason to leave him. plus, it is not his fault at all.

 

i even know that with my makeup, any man i am going to be with, no matter how handsome he is, after two years my passion will still die and i will be back to square one.

 

i condemn myself, i ignore my needs, but as i said, they manifest in dreams to remind me. i keep dreaming of have sweet moments with guys, upon waking up feeling so empty, so sad.... i asked my girlfriends, none of them have this problem at all. even if they are not satisfied sexually, at least they don't crave like me.

 

this afternoon i had the best sex ever with my husband, you know why? because i imagine him to be that guy. sad, isn't it?

[Blind Illusion]

Because the minute you walk out the door and into another man's arms your whole marriage is going to change forever and it won't be the same ever again.

Yes, this is really true.

 

Even from a practical standpoint, if you feel a bit unsatisfied now with making love, there will be an even bigger void afterwards.

 

Now, you say that this afternoon you had the best sex ever with my husband, because you imagined him to be someone else. Could you do something with that maybe? Perhaps verbalize fantasies, etc with your husband, let him be more vocal and different somehow. I'm thinking not based on what you wrote so far but figured I'd ask anyhow

[miho]

no, please believe me, there is absolutely nothing he can do to help.

 

i asked him before why does he not feel bored with doing with the same person (ie me)? well, that's becos the makeup of man and woman is different. man's sexual needs is so high and "animal" that they don't have to care who they are doing with.

 

well, actually i know my problem cannot be solved, so i'll just ignore it and no big deal! just empty sex life! and then focus on what i have.

 

just one question, if you are a woman, do you mean you can feel high doing it with the same guy after so many years?

[whichwayisup]

just one question, if you are a woman, do you mean you can feel high doing it with the same guy after so many years?

 

Ofcourse not every time. That passion comes and goes...Not meaning "goes" in a bad way, but is the love that keeps it coming back. Most of the time for us sex is great! Sometimes it's pure lust and f***ing, sometimes it's tender and slow, very loving and caring...And other times it's just do it, roll over and go to sleep. For both of us.

 

No sex life is perfect, intense and full of passion everytime. What I'm trying to say to you is, you seem so convinced that your husband WILL NOT even try to please you...Or you won't let him try. In your mind (which is powerful and can take over) you have it set forever that he can't do it for you anymore. Have you talked to him, asked him, showed him what you like in bed?

 

well, that's becos the makeup of man and woman is different. man's sexual needs is so high and "animal" that they don't have to care who they are doing with.

 

Did he tell you this or are you just thinking this? Maybe some men don't care who they have sex with, but many DO only want to have sex with their wives.

[TheDiva]

no, please believe me, there is absolutely nothing he can do to help.

 

i asked him before why does he not feel bored with doing with the same person (ie me)? well, that's becos the makeup of man and woman is different. man's sexual needs is so high and "animal" that they don't have to care who they are doing with.

 

well, actually i know my problem cannot be solved, so i'll just ignore it and no big deal! just empty sex life! and then focus on what i have.

 

just one question, if you are a woman, do you mean you can feel high doing it with the same guy after so many years?

 

 

 

I won't even try to convince you that there is something BOTH of you can do to help this. Nothing I can say will convince you even though there is plenty that can be done.

 

What I am here to do is answer your question. YES (as a woman) I have spent the last (almost) 7 years with the same man. Five of those years married and gosh my husband still melts my butter! :bunny:

 

i was a virgin when i first married my husband. i write this just to let u know a bit more about me, that i am not someone who jump into men's bed easily.

 

I suspect this may have a lot to do with your disinterest in sex with your husband. But experiencing sex other men will not give you passion. Just different sex.

 

 

Please reread through these posts, particularly whichwayisup's post. She gave you the answer C-O-M-M-U-N-A-C-A-T-I-O-N. He can't help you to fix anything if he don't even know it's broken.

 

 

I hope someone here can help you find the answer you need.

 

Good Luck

[miho]

TheDiva, thanks for your post!

 

well, i am envious your hubby can still melt you! i still think it is due to different madeup of individual, is not about techniques.

 

he can aroused me no problem at the beginning of the relationship, with a simple kiss. just like this afternoon, "he" aroused me too without much technique, why? because i am taking him as someone else! maybe i am wrong, but i don't think technique or communication is the problem here.

 

he asked me before why i don't like to kiss with him anymore, i told him frankly the feeling is lost, the chemistry is dead. i can't kiss you like the way as in the beginning. he accepted it with grace. many times he detected i wasn't aroused at all, he offered to do anything i like, but i absolutely have no interest of him touching me. i tried to give it a try before, when he touched my intimate parts i HATED it!! i want to die! i have to ask him to stop trying to arouse me, but i'll let him finish the business and make him happy, because i know my wifely duty, and i defintely would not agree if someone says i am plain selfish and know nothing about commitment.

 

for those out there who are enjoying great sex with the same guy after a long time, you are very blessed! but not everyone is so fortunate like you.

[AManWithTroubles]

You're too funny. Sitting her telling everyone that you have to have an affair because your body tells you to. You're so full of it. I'm sorry, but I'm not even going to be nice enough to accept what you have to say. You are being selfish and inconsiderate of other's feelings. You care only about yourself and what is on your mind. You aren't even listening to what others are saying here. People are telling you to maybe use this interest in others to set up role playing or some other fantasies with your husband, but have him involved.

 

However, you want one thing. You want to experience another man, and are willing to give everything up for that. At least be mature enough to tell your husband and ask him if he'd like to divorce you before or after the affair. Or maybe he might even be open enough to allow you to experience the other man. Just be honest, and talk to him, then work it from there.

[miho]

you are the funny one. i listened to what others say, and i try to explain my situation here. you are the one not listening to what i have to say.

would you not even complain a little if you wife refuses to make love with you for 4 years, or fail to satisfy you? most guys would start to complain if the wife refuses to satify him for 2 weeks! and if any woman starts to speak her mind about not being satisfied, she will get lots of bashing!

 

this is just a forum for the self righteous.

[Trimmer]

Hey, you say you're thinking of having an affair, and you ask if anyone could understand your feelings - you've got to expect some strong opinions.

 

I'm having trouble understanding you, myself, so let me ask some questions (I hope, not too self-righteously...)

 

well, actually i know my problem cannot be solved

 

How do you know this? Or do you just not want to try to solve it with your husband? That's a very different thing.

 

would you not even complain a little if you wife refuses to make love with you for 4 years, or fail to satisfy you? most guys would start to complain if the wife refuses to satify him for 2 weeks! and if any woman starts to speak her mind about not being satisfied, she will get lots of bashing!

 

So wait a minute - I'm having trouble understanding... Is your husband refusing to satisfy you? From your earlier post, it sounded like you had basically internalized this problem and pretty much hidden it from him:

 

of course, he doesn't know all this, i wouldn't want to hurt him, it is not his fault at all.

 

Then the other thing I don't understand about what you are saying comes from this:

 

this afternoon i had the best sex ever with my husband, you know why? because i imagine him to be that guy. sad, isn't it?

 

(... actually, not as sad as if you had actually gone and started the affair...) but then, after having what you yourself call the best sex ever with your husband, possibly catching a glimpse of what could be, you still think:

 

no, please believe me, there is absolutely nothing he can do to help.

 

What is it that makes you so confident that there is no possibility, absolutely nothing that can be done within your relationship? Is there something important you haven't told us about yourself or your husband or your relationship?

 

And if the "best sex ever" didn't fill what you call your "biological need", are you really confident that an affair with an outsider will? Are you willing to risk your marriage on that? You do understand very clearly that having this affair would put your marriage at risk, don't you?

 

You define true love in terms of what you would do if all else fails:

 

i define true love as "you still want to spend the rest of your life with that person even if the passion was long gone".

 

My definition is a little broader, and a little more optimistic, and would include: "it's the last person from whom you would hide a problem that is deeply affecting your life and your future with that person."

 

You seem to have decided that your relationship with your husband is just an unchangeable fact of life, and your current problem is limited to your desire to have an affair. I think you need to open your mind to see that the fundamental problem is still this one between you and your husband, and unless there's more that you haven't shared here, you have given up on it - and on yourself, and on your husband - too easily.

 

I'm certainly no expert, but you seem like a prime candidate for seeing a sex therapist. Is there any possibility you would try that? If not, why not? And is there anything else significant that you haven't shared with us about you or your husband or your relationship that is making you so absolutely confident that this can't be solved ?

[lovelorcet]

I am sorry but I also am getting the feeling that you are a bit on the selfish side. You are hiding behind this poor me attitude and claim to be acting as a diligent wife. Why don’t you sit your husband down and explain yourself exactly as you are trying to here. I think the problem is not your husband but your mindset. If you have decided that he will never make you feel the way you want to then he needs to hear that and act accordingly. To be honest I kind of feel bad for the poor guy maybe you should let him find go so he can find someone who is excited to be with him.

[MrDarcy]

How can you say you love your husband, if you are willing to humiliate and disrespect him in the worst way possible? In a way you already do this by hiding these feelings from him. You don't treat someone you love like that. I daresay that you do not love your husband at all.

[Ladyjane14]

If you were a virgin when you married, and you've only been intimate with this one guy, your husband......this might not have anything at all to do with 'a passion for other men'.

 

I think maybe you're making an assumption here that there's only one solution to your problem. But you know, I've been with the same guy for a quarter century and I assure you...great sex is still possible even if you're limited to just the one partner.

 

You guys just ain't doin' it right.

 

The answer, as always, is education. You'd be surprised what you can learn in BOOKS.

 

The fact that you believe 'having sex with other men' is the solution to your problems, suggests to me that you are a bit more passive in your sexuality than you might otherwise think. I'm not a sex therapist, so I can't tell you for sure what the problem is....but I think it's most likely to be with YOU. If that's the case, it would only just follow you into other relationships anyway.

 

Like everything else in life, you have to take control of your own destiny. Your sexuality is no different. You have a responsibility to yourself and to your own experience. If you are waiting around for someone else to "ignite your passion", you will always be ultimately disappointed after a time. At that point you're passive....waiting for someone else to shape your sexual experience.

 

So, why not explore the possibilities with your husband BEFORE you throw away your marriage. Get some books and learn some new ways of approaching sexual intimacy. If you're bashful, order the books off the internet. It's possible for you to ignite your own passion, and it's possible for you to teach your husband to be a better lover.

 

You have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain by making a full study of human sexuality within your current relationship dynamic. Heck, you've got a willing partner to practice on right there in the home! You can always leave the marriage later to search of other lovers if all else fails. But you owe it to yourself and to your husband to do the best job you can in solving a problem that is essentially YOURS.

[AManWithTroubles]

would you not even complain a little if you wife refuses to make love with you for 4 years, or fail to satisfy you? most guys would start to complain if the wife refuses to satify him for 2 weeks! and if any woman starts to speak her mind about not being satisfied, she will get lots of bashing!

 

this is just a forum for the self righteous.

I haven't had good sex in over five years, thank you. But that doesn't make me go out and cheat on my wife one bit. Maybe you can even try swinging, if he's game for that. If you really need to find out if sex is better with other people. But more than anything, you need to be honest with your husband, and don't go sleeping around behind his back.

 

I'm not being self righteous. I'm just trying to tell you how to do the right thing.

[prfrogkisser]

 

You seem to have decided that your relationship with your husband is just an unchangeable fact of life, and your current problem is limited to your desire to have an affair. I think you need to open your mind to see that the fundamental problem is still this one between you and your husband, and unless there's more that you haven't shared here, you have given up on it - and on yourself, and on your husband - too easily.

 

I'm certainly no expert, but you seem like a prime candidate for seeing a sex therapist. Is there any possibility you would try that? If not, why not? And is there anything else significant that you haven't shared with us about you or your husband or your relationship that is making you so absolutely confident that this can't be solved ?

 

Great Point!! There must be something else besides sex going on.Sex isnt just an aspect of love; Sex begets love and is a vital key to its reinforcement. It seams you want to experience if the grass is greener in the other side but believe you might loose the best thing you have.

I have friends who had affairs and they regret them to this day. They wanted to let free of their sexual inhibitions and experience the dating single scene. They found out its just not what they imagined to be.I'm single and yes its tough being alone.I will give anything to have a secure caring man who will love to spend the rest of his life with me. If sex becomes boring hey... just spice it up.

Dont give up on your marriage if you love him.There is more to life than sex. Get information,go get answers to your problems and be honest to yourself and your heart. Good men are hard to find believe me Im tired of kissing frogs:(

[Mz. Pixie]

You know, I can understand a bit where you are coming from. However I thought I'd give you a perspective from another side of the fence.

 

I was in a long term marriage where my husband refused to meet my emotional needs- even though I communicated them to him. I eventually was weak and ended up having an affair.

 

Let me tell you- I would give anything to take back that moment, anything to be able to get back my integrity that I lost by doing that. No matter what he had done to me, it wasn't right for me to do that to him.

 

You haven't even gone as far as to communicate to him what the problem is exactly.

 

What you want, is your traditional loving relationship with your husband AND exciting sex with other men. What you're desiring in reality is the newness of a relationship and the feeling of being high and sexually attracted to someone new. You can give yourself a climax easy so this is really not about that. I can understand it but it's not reality.

 

Here is reality for you- I hurt someone who was my best friend for 18 years. I hurt my children, my extended family. I lost all of my friends and things about me ended up in the local newspaper. You think you have problems now? They are nothing compared to what you'll have when you get caught. And you WILL get caught, sooner or later.

 

All cheaters think their situation is unique, that their situation can't possibly be fixed- and in truth, some marriages can't be fixed. Mine couldn't- but it sounds like you still love your husband. You can fix your marriage if you try.

 

If you don't want to put forth the effort to try, please obtain a divorce first. Your husband deserves the right to be married to someone who wants to have sex with HIM. Let him move on and find someone else. Then you do whatever you want to do. But before you do that, you need to do the work. I would suggest a good individual counselor for you because if you're that apt to go from man to man perhaps it's an internal issue with you rather than your husband. You do deserve to have a fufilling sexual relationship but it's not worth ruining your life and someone elses over it. Why not try to get him into marriage counseling with you and the two of you learn to meet each other's needs again.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh. But I've been there and done it and I've got the T shirt, and I promise you will be sorry- and it could perhaps change the rest of your life.

[whichwayisup]

At the end of the day the CHOICE is yours.

 

If having a wonderful, intense, sex life (which will eventually fade again with the other man) is more important to you than a happy, healthy, secure marriage with a man who loves you, treats you well and is your life - Then go for it. But, divorce your husband first and then go and be with the OM.

 

Are you willing to give up the life you know and have become comfortable with, for a hot sex life with someone else? This is what it comes down to.

 

Please listen to the advice being given to you.

[mental_traveller]

i define true love as "you still want to spend the rest of your life with that person even if the passion was long gone".

 

Well, all I can say is don't try to make a living writing romance novels.

[mental_traveller]

i am married for 7 years, the passion is gone but i still love my husband and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i don't define love as passion, i define true love as "you still want to spend the rest of your life with that person even if the passion was long gone".

 

how do i define my passion was gone? i don't feel like kissing my husband any more, or to make love. everything is just going through motion. 4 years ago i discovered this, i thought my sexual need was dead, then i realised the problem was not my body, but having the same partner over and over again can never arouse me anymore.

 

yes, i am sad about this, there is nothing i or he can do to help. of course, he doesn't know all this, i wouldn't want to hurt him, it is not his fault at all. is my own makeup.

 

so, 4 years ago, i have the craving to have another man. the craving grew stronger and stronger. i did my best to curb it, but the cravings would manifest into regular dreams to tempt me, to remind me of my underlying strong passion.

 

i do not fall for any man easily, so 4 years passed tastlessly but peacefully. finally, i met this guy. He stirred up all the passion in me,

we flirted lightly, i can tell from his eyes he likes me too.

 

i think if he is willing, i don't think i can stop myself from starting this affair. it's been so long i have tasted passion, it has become a biological need. some married women don't have this problem or this need, but i do, fiercely. i am writing here to see if anyone could understand my feelings.

 

 

Well obviously the only thing to do is tell your husband the passion has gone and you want a divorce or an open marriage. Then if he wants a divorce, never marry or enter a faithful relationship ever again. Loads of men would love to get no strings sex with a woman, so you'll never be short of partners. There's no excuse to stay married if you realise you're not suited to it. And your husband might go for an open marriage if he can go round screwing hot 21 year olds without you bitching about it.

[2sunny]

firstly, i want to thank sincerely all the advices all of you gave, i really appreciate them.

 

i dare say there is no sexual heights at all for me through these 4 whole years, no porno or techniques could ever ever arouse me again from my husband. i am not using this as an excuse to have an affair, i know this is wrong. please believe me, i know all these.

 

i was a virgin when i first married my husband. i write this just to let u know a bit more about me, that i am not someone who jump into men's bed easily.

 

my husband came everytime we made love, he is so satisfied. but i am not at all, i live with it. i know the problem is with me. i can live an empty sex live for the rest for my life and know that i will die with regret. i even thought of having kids (i am not fond of kids), make myself fat and ugly, and i won't have fantasy anymore.

 

i do love my husband, we click so well in everything, except i have no more passion for him. so i will not leave him for any gorgeous guy. i love him, that's why i have spent 4 sexually tastless years with him, because i believe an empty sex life is not an enough reason to leave him. plus, it is not his fault at all.

 

i even know that with my makeup, any man i am going to be with, no matter how handsome he is, after two years my passion will still die and i will be back to square one.

 

i condemn myself, i ignore my needs, but as i said, they manifest in dreams to remind me. i keep dreaming of have sweet moments with guys, upon waking up feeling so empty, so sad.... i asked my girlfriends, none of them have this problem at all. even if they are not satisfied sexually, at least they don't crave like me.

 

this afternoon i had the best sex ever with my husband, you know why? because i imagine him to be that guy. sad, isn't it?

 

I think most women use fantasy at times to spice up sex in their marriage.

 

Just keep using your imagination and DO NOT have an affair unless you divorce your hubby first!

 

Buy a vibrator and learn how to acheive a very good orgasm, either with or without hubby!

 

Start kissing hubby again, that can get a gal turned on in a heartbeat. You need to put forth a good effort to spice things up!

 

What if he said he was bored with you? How would you feel?

[Blind Illusion]

[quote name=2sunny

 

What if he said he was bored with you? How would you feel?[/quote]

 

Here's the thing: While she would probably feel bad if I had to answer your question for her, you cannot help how you feel in life. You can control what you do and hopefully that will change the way you feel but sometimes reality doesn't deal the cards this way.

 

I'm not really sure how this question helps. Sure, she can put herself in his place but even so, how does that change the fact that she feels sexually unstimulated? It really doesn't. It almost makes it appear that she should hide her lack of sexual pleasure since she would feel bad if the husband told her that. Perhaps I am misunderstanding the point.