Got myself into a pickle... maybe?

[scared shy]

Have not been on here in awhile. How's it going everyone? I have been on here reading old posts, new posts... all posts regarding how long one should wait until they sleep with a guy.

So... I haven't had sex in almost two and half years. I met a guy almost three weeks ago at a bar. We actually talked for like six hours that night/morning. Then went out to dinner that following Monday. Went out same week Thursday, and hung out on Friday. So that is like three dates after meeting and talking on the phone everyday for hours. I can talk to this guy so easily and tell him things I have never told a male before.

So then we went to dinner the following Tuesday, this is date four, that is when I kissed him and some petting. Then he met up with me and some friends of mine this last Friday, so like date number five. Well I was trashed and we went back to his house and I gave it up that easy. After 2 1/2 years of celibacy, I cannot even wait a month with this guy. Granted we have talked more than I have talked in a whole year with my ex, but do you guys think I ruined my chances of this working out for a while by being too "easy". We never had the conversation of me not having sex, so as far as he is concerned, I could be this way with every guy I meet. Should I tell him this bothered me, or just go with the flow? What to do?

[blind_otter]

You should definately talk to him about it. If I hadn't had sex in 2 1/2 years I would be jumping all over the place with I had someone to lay me. He'll probably understand if you've talked that much.

[scared shy]

blind_otter You should definately talk to him about it. If I hadn't had sex in 2 1/2 years I would be jumping all over the place with I had someone to lay me. He'll probably understand if you've talked that much.

 

Well that's basically what happened, couldn't contain myself

I am thinking though, maybe he will think something is wrong with me to go that long. In the back of his head wondering, ok what gives? I mean I chalk it up to being very picky and needing to connect, and we did. Any advice on how to bring it up, and what I should say? Obviously, I am not very good at the physical part of relationships... or talking about the physical part.

[scared shy]

Sorry for last post, I messed it up bad...

[riobikini]

Scared Shy,

 

First, forgive yourself. It happens.

 

Tell him it bothered you. Tell him that you're actually interested in him for more than sex. Tell him what you think the reason(s) were that made you sleep with him so easily.

 

And wait to see if he 'gets it'....give it time to sink in.

 

Then, as difficult as it might be, back up and try getting to know him again.

 

Look, that kind of mistake happens often, but it doesn't mean it has to destroy your chances of forming a good relationship. Besides, he was 'easy', too. There are no double standards, here. He was responsible, too.

 

Give it another try. See if it works.

 

Anything's possible.

 

And, P.S.....really do get to know him...you both will be 're-proving' yourselves to each other....meaning, you also want to be sure that this is not "par for the course" for him, as well. In other: I don't think I have to mention how dangerous this was, so....I won't.

 

Good Luck!!!

 

-Rio

[scared shy]

Thanks riobikini.

 

I agree with you completely. He seems to be interested in more than just sex, I talked with him yesterday as usual, and he made references to being exclusive. I don't know if I am ready for being in a "labeled" relationship. I like him; he seems like a truly nice guy, which I have not met for a long time. I was beginning to think they didn't exist anymore.

At the same time though, I would like to get to know someone before I partake in the "do you wanna go steady?" talk. I would love to get some male perspective on this... please, I am neurotic and need soooooo much help.

[MadDog]

You two have only been seeing each other for three weeks. Why don't you just enjoy each other's company for a while and see if it makes sense to start thinking about an exclusive relationship. He knows you're not down with a fling so he should understand if you slow down on the physical stuff.

[aleatoryd]

It all sounds like you were both caught up in the moment and so I don't see anything wrong on your part. It takes two to tango and it doesn't look like you've put him off. Far from it if he wants to be exclusive. The only problem I can see is if you don't want to "go steady" he might wonder does that mean you are seeing/or inted to see other guys and are you likely to sleep with them.

 

If you explain how you feel and that you don't want to rush ito things I'm sure he'll understand. If he's into you then he'll wait and enjoy talking and getting to know you. I think that above sex is the best sign that a relationship will work. People engaging in a non-physical intimacy is a very good thing. So all in all be straight about where you stand and I'm sure it'll work out okay. good luck!

[scared shy]

MadDog

 

Oh absolutely, I am not even considering the exclusive talk, that's why I pretty much just avoided acknowledging his comment about being mine, I think is what he said exactly. I just want to know if guys out there would even continue to get to know a gal after they slept with her so soon, and if I do bring it up, that I don't do this and he is the first person I have been with in a long time, would you run for the hills. Would you appreciate the honesty and maybe look at her in a better light, or is this doomed and should I just not even continue to get to know him because his view of me is jaded. I know he was pretty "easy" too, but guys get away with it, I imagine if allowed over 60% would sleep with the girl on the first date no matter what.

[MadDog]

It just depends on how much of a connection I feel with the girl. If the connection is strong, regardless of whether I slept with her early on or not, I'd still be interested in her. I wouldn't run away unless she shows some red flags or something.