AJS Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Do you call MM's phone in the middle of the night knowing he is sleeping? ok, you have had too many and you don't care, would you call to leave a VM for him thinking W is alseep? My friend just did this and his W answered!!! She asked for his friend! BAD MOVE! Now she is scared he is busted, any advice?
Adunaphel Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Do you call MM's phone in the middle of the night knowing he is sleeping? ok, you have had too many and you don't care, would you call to leave a VM for him thinking W is alseep? My friend just did this and his W answered!!! She asked for his friend! BAD MOVE! Now she is scared he is busted, any advice? I would not if I was in my right mind. (not that I was in my right mind when I had a short affair with a MM, but I wouldn't even have replied to a text message unless he had just sent it or I wasn't sure his W was not with him, let alone call him). Any chances she *wanted*him to get busted, because she secretly wishes to end the affair but has not the strenght to? Well, I'd advise her to think whether she had "hidden" reasons. You said she has had too many... this could be the very right occasion to get rid of someone who clearly can't make her happy.
Author AJS Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 That is a very good point. I would ask her, but she is passed out now. I have a feeling she is really going to regret this one! She loves him and doesn't want to be his OW anymore. I'm thinking she was trying to get him busted even though she swears she wasn't. I never thought it was a way to run him off.....VERY good point.
Adunaphel Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 That is a very good point. I would ask her, but she is passed out now. I have a feeling she is really going to regret this one! She loves him and doesn't want to be his OW anymore. I'm thinking she was trying to get him busted even though she swears she wasn't. I never thought it was a way to run him off.....VERY good point. The classic scenario is OM getting mad at the OW (proportional to how clearly W got the message that something is going on) and possibly ending the affair if busted (to, perhaps, reappear days/weeks/months later and start things all over again, making a mess of OW's feelings until her self esteem is as solid as strawberry jelly). I'm sorry about your friend, I hope you can stay close to her now that the sh*t has hit the fan. Again, I think it was her unconscious taking over and trying to do (in a not so wise way) what is best for her.
Sami_D Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Would I? I have. Far too much alcohol, and I've called his mobile late at night. Luckily for me, he ALWAYS has it turned off at home. And I have no idea (never want to because I know what an ass I can be!) what his home number is. I did go through a phase in our first year when I WANTED him to get busted. But that was before I started reading about affairs, about D-days, about the carnage that would have resulted IF we'd been discovered. THANKFULLY it never did happen.
Blind Illusion Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 No, I never have. Nor would I expect him to call my home phone. The only time that I ever called his old home phone number is when he said it was safe to do so. (I don't have his new home line now that he moved) Sometimes I will call his cell, but never at strange times. Usually, in those drunken stupid moments, I might send him an email..
Torn Up Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Do you call MM's phone in the middle of the night knowing he is sleeping?/QUOTE] Absolutely not. But then, I wouldn't call ANYBODY that late at night unless it was an absolute emergency. I wouldn't want it done to me, so I won't do it to others. I agree with the others...she either WANTS (even if unconsciously) out of the affair, or she's trying to piss the wife off enough to leave him. In any event, it's a no-winner. Maybe you should hide the bottle from her??? ~Torn~
Jessie61 Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Do you call MM's phone in the middle of the night knowing he is sleeping? Absolutely not!
xxrubyredxx Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Stupid thing to do IMO! It's a sure fire way to get him busted! I've been on both sides. I've been the betrayed wife (more recently) and the OW in the past. My H's OW, would call and send text messages in the middle of the night (stupid cow, lol) and I clicked immediately that something was going on. He would say that it was his male friend on the other end...I however wasn't stoopid! Infact these late night calls were the first signs for me, that he was having an affair. Any woman who calls a MM in the middle of the night, is wanting the wife to find out IMO....perhaps looking to piss the wife off, so that she leaves him. Shje got her way anyhow. We did seperate and he ran off to her. As an OW, (tho not a current OW BTW).....I NEVER called MM thru the night. I know it would raise suspicion for the wife.
Sami_D Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Stupid thing to do IMO! ... Shje got her way anyhow. We did seperate and he ran off to her. Hmmm... not sure you're giving out the message you want to give out here
movinon05 Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 In the beginning he had a pager. I was always careful though. But he got caught a few times when he left it sitting out after work or something. When he got his cell, I was ALWAYS careful. Unfortunately, he called at very bad times, even when I was separated and divorced because "he needed" to talk to me and it could never wait, so I would have to go off with the phone and speak quietly in a corner. I didn't like it because of my kids. And it was never something so important that it couldn't wait. But he still took chances. It was very selfish of him. And it kept me in a nervous state all the time. I never did that to him.
lovernotafighter Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 No, I never have. Nor would I expect him to call my home phone. The only time that I ever called his old home phone number is when he said it was safe to do so. (I don't have his new home line now that he moved) Sometimes I will call his cell, but never at strange times. Usually, in those drunken stupid moments, I might send him an email..yep me to...I've sent him a drunken slurring e-mail..and once drunk called his cell while I knew he was in class..but that was it. he only called me once on the weekend at a odd ball time because he was worried I was mad at him over some imagined slight but that was it.
Blind Illusion Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 he only called me once on the weekend at a odd ball time because he was worried I was mad at him over some imagined slight but that was it. Actually, there was one time when I was ignoring his calls to my cell that he rang my home phone one time near midnight (our old signal for me to call him back in the day) He was away and could talk. That's a big pet peeve of mine.....it always seems to be on THEIR timetable.
lovernotafighter Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Actually, there was one time when I was ignoring his calls to my cell that he rang my home phone one time near midnight (our old signal for me to call him back in the day) He was away and could talk. That's a big pet peeve of mine.....it always seems to be on THEIR timetable. yeah! mine to! I asked my MM recently if he had forgotten that I to am married..he said well you seem to have more freedom than me..Grrr
Blind Illusion Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 yep me to...I've sent him a drunken slurring e-mail.. I know...so many times I thought i would be strong and not contact him for awhile and let him wonder for a change-----and then, drinks later, I send a stupid email. Then you read what you wrote (and sent) the next day and want to hit yourself.
Blind Illusion Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 yeah! mine to! I asked my MM recently if he had forgotten that I to am married..he said well you seem to have more freedom than me..Grrr Mine was probably horny and wanted phone sex initially, and then when I let 3 calls go into voicemail, he started to worry. Don't you just love that. They so easily think you'll always be there and they'll call at their convenience. But the minute, you take one baby step backwards, away from them, all of a sudden there are emails and texts and multiple calls like you are their sole purpose for living. Then they could pull all the punches until you are back safely again. It drives me crazy. Just do all this to begin with!!!! LOL.
lovernotafighter Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Mine was probably horny and wanted phone sex initially, and then when I let 3 calls go into voicemail, he started to worry. Don't you just love that. They so easily think you'll always be there and they'll call at their convenience. But the minute, you take one baby step backwards, away from them, all of a sudden there are emails and texts and multiple calls like you are their sole purpose for living. Then they could pull all the punches until you are back safely again. It drives me crazy. Just do all this to begin with!!!! LOL. no contact is when my MM will wig out...seems like me to any more as well..*sigh* you right..if they just kept up with what made us crazy about them we wouldn't have go on avoidance jag..I think I need to stay just out of his reach to make him happy or something
Author AJS Posted April 28, 2006 Author Posted April 28, 2006 Well, the wife DID suspect, but he smoothed her over. He did however get really pissed at my gf and it's making her see him in a different light. She thinks if there is a d-day, he will pick wife and cut her off. I believe she really thought he was going to end up with her. I'm so sad for her, but I know her and she will only learn from this and move on. I hope so anyway......
Jessie61 Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Well, the wife DID suspect, but he smoothed her over. He did however get really pissed at my gf and it's making her see him in a different light. She thinks if there is a d-day, he will pick wife and cut her off. I believe she really thought he was going to end up with her. I'm so sad for her, but I know her and she will only learn from this and move on. I hope so anyway...... Whatever the outcome, surely it is better to know than to dangle in uncertainty indefinitively...? I hope that she is not too disappointed and that she'll bounce back in no time!
xxrubyredxx Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Hmmm... not sure you're giving out the message you want to give out here I'm not sure what you mean. I'm merely pointing out what I reckon the OW was up to in my situation. What message do you suppose I was giving out and unwittingly.
Sami_D Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 I'm not sure what you mean. I'm merely pointing out what I reckon the OW was up to in my situation. What message do you suppose I was giving out and unwittingly. Oh ruby, I'm sorry. What I meant was... that usually people say telling the wife (or her finding out some way) ends in disaster... and you were saying that OW did this daft thing and she actually ended up with him! Was just me being a bit flippant.
Sami_D Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Whatever the outcome, surely it is better to know than to dangle in uncertainty indefinitively...? I hope that she is not too disappointed and that she'll bounce back in no time! You'd think that was the case wouldn't you..? Doesn't FEEL like it at the moment tho!
Jessie61 Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 You'd think that was the case wouldn't you..? Doesn't FEEL like it at the moment tho! Yes, I doubt that there are any immediate benefits knowing, but in the long term it is better to know now than to waste 10 years and find out later... Sami, it could well be MY turn very soon!!!!
Sami_D Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Sami, it could well be MY turn very soon!!!! Jessie... maybe try not to look at NC as a desperate last-ditch terrible thing. I've been reading about affairs for far too long now... and one thing is certain... the majority of times the MM left, the OW had given up and gone away and ignored him for a while. Anyway, what MM said to me was that this (NC) is just 'another phase'... part of the 'plan' he called it (I said... there's a plan..??) and that doing what we're doing is a process... and NC is part of that. That's how I'm viewing it, anyway. I'm not giving up hope yet.
xxrubyredxx Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 Oh ruby, I'm sorry. What I meant was... that usually people say telling the wife (or her finding out some way) ends in disaster... and you were saying that OW did this daft thing and she actually ended up with him! Was just me being a bit flippant. LOL, ok I'm with you now. It's very likely that my ex H would've ran off with his OW and whether she'd called in the early hours or not. Their affair had gone too far, had been going on for quite some time and he fell in love and was in love with her I guess, hence running of with her.
Recommended Posts