Dagny Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I posted a version of what happened on the Dating thing about boundaries. But I'll summarize it. I met someone, we went through alot of stressful periods together. He was obviously not ready for a relationship, and was still trying to find himself. So we became just "friends", but I started getting antsy about it, I could'nt place my finger on what was bothering me. And I realized this was not I wanted, but I decided to try to be the best friend I could be. And for some reason he just started getting ruder to me. It was very weird behavior. We would go to a movie and he ignored me totally to talk to people next to him as though I did'nt existed. It came to hilt last monday when he showed up: I said we needed to talk and explained to him that rudeness was not something I expected from a friend. He gave me a whole spill on how we did'nt communicate well, that when I told him something was wrong he felt that he had to take on the whole responsibility to make it right. I was surprised at what he said and agreed. However, I then asked him for a hug and he yelled what do you want from me before leaving. It was very hurtful. What I wish I did not do: I wish I did not blow up. I wish I set boundaries in a firm way. I wish I could have explained diplomatically to him how I should not be yelled at and to come back and talk to me when he was willing to be reasonable. Instead I shut off and ignored him. He popped up on Thursday and said: ignoring me hurts you more than it will hurt me. I wish I did'nt say, You are ill behaved and rude to me, you then threaten me. You are kidding if you think I will be more hurt, you have done less for me than any other guy ive ever dated. We are graduating in 3 weeks and Ill never see you again, so sod off. Yes, it takes two hands to clap. But I hate blowing up. I hate saying hurtful things.There must have been a better way of resolving this. He has not called since. And guess what? I probably do hurt more than he does.
BBetsy Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 He is a jackass. Just keep telling yourself that, because it's the truth.
MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 He's a tool. So you told off a tool. I wouldn't feel too badly about that.
Author Dagny Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 I suspect that many people go through the same thing, trying to reconcile good images of one with a new s***ty image of them. Thats what makes me sad. Wondering whether you were wrong about a person all along. Wondering where was the good you saw in he or her Wanting to help them change but understanding that change has to come from within oneself. Its hard to walk away, but even if you care for someone, you care for youself even more. It sucks
In Sync Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 I posted a version of what happened on the Dating thing about boundaries. But I'll summarize it. I met someone, we went through alot of stressful periods together. He was obviously not ready for a relationship, and was still trying to find himself. So we became just "friends", but I started getting antsy about it, I could'nt place my finger on what was bothering me. And I realized this was not I wanted, but I decided to try to be the best friend I could be. And for some reason he just started getting ruder to me. It was very weird behavior. We would go to a movie and he ignored me totally to talk to people next to him as though I did'nt existed. It came to hilt last monday when he showed up: I said we needed to talk and explained to him that rudeness was not something I expected from a friend. He gave me a whole spill on how we did'nt communicate well, that when I told him something was wrong he felt that he had to take on the whole responsibility to make it right. I was surprised at what he said and agreed. However, I then asked him for a hug and he yelled what do you want from me before leaving. It was very hurtful. What I wish I did not do: I wish I did not blow up. I wish I set boundaries in a firm way. I wish I could have explained diplomatically to him how I should not be yelled at and to come back and talk to me when he was willing to be reasonable. Instead I shut off and ignored him. He popped up on Thursday and said: ignoring me hurts you more than it will hurt me. I wish I did'nt say, You are ill behaved and rude to me, you then threaten me. You are kidding if you think I will be more hurt, you have done less for me than any other guy ive ever dated. We are graduating in 3 weeks and Ill never see you again, so sod off. Yes, it takes two hands to clap. But I hate blowing up. I hate saying hurtful things.There must have been a better way of resolving this. He has not called since. And guess what? I probably do hurt more than he does. The reason you hurt more is because you are sensitive and are empathetic. Beautiful qualities in a person with feelings. A narcisstic jerk ahs none and has no problem mistreating those who dare display those sensitive traits. They think the world revolves around them and when you dare to speak up that lash outwith some mean spirited verbal nonsense. Really if he's been rude he is not worth your time...friends treat each other with respect.
Recommended Posts