malcontent Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 While I've been attempting to go no contact since my ex-gf and I split two months ago, it's much easier in theory than in practice. She got a new man (23 years her senior and the father of a friend of mine) about a week after we split, and we'd been together for about two years. That stung, to say the least. Anyway, we live in a small town so there's no chance we're not going to run into each other occassionally. It's already happened and I behaved somewhat less maturely than I would have in a perfect world...oh well. Anyway, I've been trying in earnest for the past two and a half weeks to do absolute no contact, and she calls me just about every day. I have neither answered nor returned any of her calls, but the messages have run the full range of emotions: "I don't know why you're not answering, I'm driving right behind you. I really wanted to talk to you today" "Oh, I get it, you're not taking my calls. I'll try you again next week, I guess" (she called again that day, the next day, the day after, etc. "I can't believe you don't even have the decency to call to check on my child!" (clearly an angry tone) "I just need to talk to you, only for a few minutes. I can't take this anymore, it's like you're dead or something" (sobbing during the message). In addition there have been about a dozen or more hang-ups in which she didn't leave a message. Now, initially following the break up I tried to go NC, but she woke me from a Xanax induced slumber to cry to me about how much she is still "totally in love with me and would take me back in a second if things could be different", to which I said "they won't be". Can I get some advice, opinions, suggesstions, or anything else from some peeps about exactly how I should deal with this? Every time my phone rings and it's her I feel like I take a tiny step backwards in my healing. I will absolutely not go proactive and call her to tell her not to call me. Should I answer one and tell her to cease and desist, or should I just wait until she gets the hint on her own? Also, how do I handle it when we go out and I see her and the new man? I have basically been giving him a hard time because he was working her for about three months when he knew we were still together. A large part of me (my foot) wants to kick his teeth in, but I know I won't do that. Thanks for any replies.
saiga Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Considering the fact she found a new man so soon says alot. #1 she was considering this change long before you realized it. #2 She started walking away....looking elsewhere long before the actual breakup. #3 If it was me, I am not second best and I am not gonna wait around to be proved wrong. #4 Clearly if what you say is true she has some issues. #5 Just walk away and find someone else. What you thought she was....she is not. #6 Long term - its not that hard.....your relationship based on what you have said is one sided. Remember, when both individuals love each other mountains can be moved. Find yourself a lady which respects and loves you for you. Who you are as a person is far more important than who you are in a relationship. It sounds like you became very attached to this person and lost your own identity in the relationship (to a degree). Concerning no contact...over time you will have less of a problem with this. You will realize who she is and what she is not. Remember it is in your mind...and does not represent the actual events which have taken place. When you see her and the new man out. #1 pay no attention. Yes this will be hard. #2 Stay away from places where you know they will show up for the first few months of the breakup. Find something else to do, or atleast find a different location. Once you know your over her, attend that same location and have a good time (ie you will actually be over her by this time). Go find someone else. Saiga
Author malcontent Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 I agree that she was looking long before we ended it. In all honesty, I had tried to end it several times in the past, but she would become so hysterical saying things like "I can't live without you!" that I would instead reconcile. We were two very different people and I should not have let myself get this involved with someone I never trusted. Looking back, I really don't know how it happened. It's like trying to describe a car accident that caught you completely off guard; you know you're hurting but you can't clearly remember all the details of what went wrong. She has an established history of infidelity; her sleeping with the contractor while her husband was at work saw to that. She also has a history of pulling this same stuff with me, working on building her "escape" plan while she and I were still together. Don't get me wrong, I was never head-over-heels in love with this woman, she was the clingy, needy woman who wouldn't go away. This is part of what makes it so confusing why I'm angry and jealous now. It doesn't jibe with my understanding of how I felt about her. Weird.
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