blue16 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 How do you tell a girl you've been seeingn for a couple weeks that you're just looking for something casual, when you suspect that they are after something more? Is there a subtle way to hint the situation without hurting feelings, or do you just bluntly bring the subject up to let them know you want to keep it casual for now?
MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I don't think you should hint. Just have an honest discussion of what you two are looking for. Tell her straight up that you're not looking for a serious relationship. There's a chance she won't want to continue seeing you if she wants a serious relationship but at least you'll have done the right thing and not deceived her/strung her along.
My_Other_I Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 You need to tell her what you are looking for. If she is looking for something different than you are, give her the chance to decided for herself if she wants to wait for you to change your mind. Communication!
luvtoto Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Tell her right away. Don't wait till she gets too emotionally invested in you. Just tell her you are not ready for a relationship right now. Don't mislead her, Mr. Heartbreaker.
Author blue16 Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 Well I asked her like "so do you want a relationship out of this?" and she said "Yes actually i do." So then I told her I'm not sure if I want a relationship right now and she said like "Ok thas cool i understand" I said I still love hanging out with her and we always have fun so i'd love to keep doin that and that seemed fine with her. So I guess we still get together and have fun but there aren't any strings attached yet ty for the replies!
Lishy Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 No she does not sound like a cool chick ... SHe sounds like a chick heading for heartache! She is willing to acceot the crumbs he is offering as she thinks deep down that more will come of it! You are gonna hurt this girl!
Adunaphel Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 No she does not sound like a cool chick ... SHe sounds like a chick heading for heartache! She is willing to acceot the crumbs he is offering as she thinks deep down that more will come of it! You are gonna hurt this girl! I agree with Lishy. I think she heard "I don't want a relationship right now" while you meant "I don't want a relationship". She is probably heading for heartbreak because she thinks that you only need 1) time 2)to get to know her better. Please be blunter than that. There is no way to be honest without hurting her feelings, but it's better than misleading her and hurting her *much* more later on.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Please be blunter than that. I agree. Look at all the threads here where a girl asks how she can turn her fwb into something more.
Lishy Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I agree. Look at all the threads here where a girl asks how she can turn her fwb into something more. Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author blue16 Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 She is probably heading for heartbreak because she thinks that you only need 1) time 2)to get to know her better. I agree with this quote and the above posters, I am worried that this is going to end bad. It's not so much that I am totally against having a relationship with her, it's just that right now I'm not sure. I don't get those 'love butterflies'. I find her attractive, we have good chemistry and a lot in common and all that but I just don't know if I want a full-on relationship. I'm still hanging out with her trying to decide what's best. Meanwhile, I feel all this pressure from her to be in a relationship/be exclusive. She hasn't come right out and said "I don't want you dating other girls" or "I want you to be my BF" but she has mentioned specific stories where she has blown off other guys just because of us - almost like she isn't single anymore and we're in a relationship. I don't want that kind of pressure to commit yet, and I feel almost guilty if I'm seeing other girls while she is there waiting, so to speak. I reiterated to her like like "Are you cool with just hanging out? I get the impression you are looking for a full-on bf, and I'm not sure if I want that" And she said like "oh i don't want a BF right now, that takes time." Almost like she is just waiting for me to get to know her better and some more time to pass before we're in a committed relationship - when the truth is I don't know if I'll ever want that with her. I almost want her to see other guys so she doesn't put all her marbles in one basket. I just don't know what to do anymore...
Lishy Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 As long as you are blatantly honest with her honey then you have nothing to worry about! Dont sugar coat it or give her false hope as she will blame you! Also, have a good think wbout what you want, when you say you want her to see other guys then think how it would affect you if she met a guy and walked away from you! Sometimes there is no going back! Have a think!
littlekitty Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I second Lishy and RR. Women tend to need to hear VERY bluntly if you feel you do not want a relationship with them. The 'I'm not looking for a relationship now...' line only leaves a big question mark and an gives us an open ended comment. We can presume from that then, that later on, you may well want a relationship with us?!! Be clearer, blunter, and more honest. But ya did good for making the first step to being honest with her. It's only fair, and it's good to do so.
Lishy Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Also, saying that you do not want a relationship makes you more of a challenge. We all like a bit of something we cant have!
catgirl1927 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 If you know you don't want any kind of relationship with her, and you have some idea that she DOES, why are you staying with her at all? Why don't you just move on? I'm not flaming, I'm asking. I genuinely don't understand why you would use someone who wasn't cool with it, you're setting her up for heartbreak and you up for a lot of annoyance...
Author blue16 Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 If you know you don't want any kind of relationship with her, and you have some idea that she DOES, why are you staying with her at all? Why don't you just move on? I'm not flaming, I'm asking. I genuinely don't understand why you would use someone who wasn't cool with it, you're setting her up for heartbreak and you up for a lot of annoyance... It's not so much that I am totally against having a relationship with her, it's just that right now I'm not sure. I care about her a lot and enjoy spending time with her. I never said "I know I don't want any kind of relationship with her," I'm not just sure yet whereas I feel like if she could, she would make it official bf/gf relationship right now. I feel it's a little imbalanced, in that sense.
catgirl1927 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I care about her a lot and enjoy spending time with her. I never said "I know I don't want any kind of relationship with her," I'm not just sure yet whereas I feel like if she could, she would make it official bf/gf relationship right now. I feel it's a little imbalanced, in that sense. Ah. Well that makes sense. So when she thinks it's just a matter of time, it possibly could be? I mean, any relationship is a risk. There's always a chance it won't work out, and there's an equal chance that in a while you'll want to have a relationship. Right?
Author blue16 Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 Ah. Well that makes sense. So when she thinks it's just a matter of time, it possibly could be? I mean, any relationship is a risk. There's always a chance it won't work out, and there's an equal chance that in a while you'll want to have a relationship. Right? lol why do I feel like this is an interrogation? There's a real possibility that I could want a relationship, yes. But it's far from 100%, so that's why I want to keep things casual so in case there isn't a relationship, there isn't too much disappointment on either end.
catgirl1927 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Well, you've been honest with her. As cold as it may sound, if you're telling her the truth and she's just hearing what she wants to hear, then that's her deal, not yours.
riobikini Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 How to tell her that it's casual when you ***know*** she's looking for more? Politely, kindly, and firmly. But I'd suggest, that if you already know she's looking for more, to mark her off your dance card, -it'll prevent anyone falling....and getting hurt. -Rio
Author blue16 Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Well I went on another 'date' with her, and I had a good time and everything but I decided that we should just be friends. I told her I'd rather just be friends, and she's like "yea thas cool" which kinda surprised me. I urged her to see other guys tho since I think she's looking for a bf. But anyways, it looks like we can still hook up (i got that impression from her) and everything cept no official relationship. Should be interesting.
Adunaphel Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Well I went on another 'date' with her, and I had a good time and everything but I decided that we should just be friends. I told her I'd rather just be friends, and she's like "yea thas cool" which kinda surprised me. I urged her to see other guys tho since I think she's looking for a bf. But anyways, it looks like we can still hook up (i got that impression from her) and everything cept no official relationship. Should be interesting. It's great that you were so honest with her and that once you realized that you should just be friends you said it clearly, not wasting her time or yours. Perhaps a good friendship could develop.
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