MadDog Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 So I'm dating this new girl and she's pretty damn awesome. I know she likes to take the physical aspects slowly and I don't mind. In fact, I'm glad we're holding off because it'll give us a chance to develop a real relationship before closing the deal. For those of you who held out for a while before having sex, I want to ask you, how did you keep yourself distracted so you didn't keep thinking about having sex? It's especially hard when we're lying there all alone, just the two of us. I'm holding her but I'm thinking of how it'd be to undress her. I have a feeling it's going to be at least a couple months before we have lift-off and I'd like to make it as easy on myself as possible. Any good tips would be appreciated.
Vertex Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Imagine that she's *really* wrinkly underneath to discourage you in the present. Then one day when you actually take off the clothes, and you'll say "Oh. You're not wrinkly!" and you'll both have a good laugh and do your thing. Yep.
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Sometimes, just makin' out like kids can be fun too...my current and i waited 2 months (til this past weekend haha) to have sex for the first time. Before that we did a loooooooooot of kissing and a few weeks into went into some more hands on things (if you catch my drift) but not intercourse. There are definitely things you can do that aren't sex, at first. Just take things slow, she'll stop you if she's not ready for something, just be accepting of that and don't make her feel bad for pushing back, and everything will be a-ok. :-) Jennifer
Author MadDog Posted April 25, 2006 Author Posted April 25, 2006 I definately wouldn't pressure her or make her feel badly for not wanting to do more. I've got nothing but respect for her and am willing to wait until she's ready. Hell, we haven't even kissed yet and it's going to be date #3 this week. When I was dancing with her close though, I couldn't help but sneak a few kisses on her neck. That got me turned on.
Pendawn Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I definately wouldn't pressure her or make her feel badly for not wanting to do more. I've got nothing but respect for her and am willing to wait until she's ready. Hell, we haven't even kissed yet and it's going to be date #3 this week. When I was dancing with her close though, I couldn't help but sneak a few kisses on her neck. That got me turned on. I tihnk that's why you are thinking about sex so much, is because you've had no outlet for your physical feelings at all. Once you start kissing, making out and holding each other IMO it won't be so hard (so to speak!).
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 I tihnk that's why you are thinking about sex so much, is because you've had no outlet for your physical feelings at all. Once you start kissing, making out and holding each other IMO it won't be so hard (so to speak!). Or will it? I think you're right. If we at least make out, I'll be able to release some of the sexual tension/feelings that's reaching a pretty high level. I guess I really prefer expressing affection physically. It's kinda like having something to say but having duct tape over your mouth. The anticipation, although sometimes painful, is somewhat fun at the same time. I keep thinking about what it'll be like to those pretty lips.
Pendawn Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Or will it? I think you're right. If we at least make out, I'll be able to release some of the sexual tension/feelings that's reaching a pretty high level. I guess I really prefer expressing affection physically. It's kinda like having something to say but having duct tape over your mouth. The anticipation, although sometimes painful, is somewhat fun at the same time. I keep thinking about what it'll be like to those pretty lips. I tihnk you'll be surprised how satisfying you can find non-sex acts when you're not getting nay. In a way you have e great situation because hodling back on sex forces you to find other ways to convey your emotions and physically bring pleasure to the other person. I'm currently in a no sex relationship (my guy has medical issues right now) and while I miss it a lot, I get similar satisfied feelings from spending time holding each other and stroking face, giving massages etc. I'm sure as your girl gets more relaxed and confident you'll be able to explore ways to relieve your tensions even if it's not actual sex.
RecordProducer Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 So I'm dating this new girl and she's pretty damn awesome. I know she likes to take the physical aspects slowly ... or she has an STD that she needs to cure first!
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 ... or she has an STD that she needs to cure first! You mean bitch.
2sunny Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Be careful, because if you wait tooooo long to make a simple move as a kiss, then you may be put into the "friend" category before you even get started. Hopefully she's not one of those gals that has an extremely low sex drive. Dang, if I like someone alot - even if I wait a bit, at some point in time I just really want him to make out with me for hours. There are a million things you and she can do together that she may not be offended by (without pentration of course). If you clarify what her guidelines might be - you will understand her needs and desires a bit more clearly. Then you will know what she wants and how to please her. Soooo just communicate.
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 Be careful, because if you wait tooooo long to make a simple move as a kiss, then you may be put into the "friend" category before you even get started. Hopefully she's not one of those gals that has an extremely low sex drive. Dang, if I like someone alot - even if I wait a bit, at some point in time I just really want him to make out with me for hours. I actually made a move to make out with her on date #1 and she stopped me. She told me she doesn't kiss on the first date. So she knows I'm ready to take it to the next level--she's kind of the bottleneck. I can feel there's a strong mutual sexual attraction between us so I'm not too worried about getting in the friends zone. The tension is most apparent on the dance floor. I guess her hips don't lie. Haha. We do some stuff like hold hands and sleep together holding each other so it's not like we completely avoid physical contact. I suspect she's careful about moving too fast and wants to make sure I'm in it for the relationship and not a hookup.
nicki Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 hey, your new girlfriend is doing what i like to do. It's a slow, delicious burn... She probably does want to make sure that you are in it for more than sex. A lot of women can only sleep with guys they feel an emotional connection with...it's kind of like having mind/body/soul all working in concert. She will most likely be a firecracker when you do sleep together!! In the meantime, don't lie around in bed together. Don't put yourself in those kind of situations...yet...it's too, ummm, hard... In the meantime, focus on talking with her. Get to know what she thinks about things. Ask her questions. Learn what's in her heart. Share with her, laugh with her. That will be sexy foreplay for a woman like this. Create an intimacy now, that you can later build on in the bedroom.... Emotional connection before intimacy = great connection when it gets physical. Have fun! Enjoy your first kiss. Anything after that is foreplay, and it's hard to stop when things feel so darn amazing. If she's anything like me, she will want to become intimate with you pretty quickly after feeling close to you emotionally, and then kissing you.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Spend as much time OUTSIDE. If you want to 'make-out' go to the movies. I'm not joking...If you spend closed in alone time with her at her house or your place, the temptation will just be there all the time. So, the easiest way to fix that is keep busy, be active in the sense of going out, sporting events, participating in sports, (tennis, rollerblading, shooting pool etc) and just have fun.
JustWantToBeHappy Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 It's so funny that I just read this post. I just got home from a second date. We are in our 30s but I still like to wait until I'm sure that I like him enough to continue dating him. I think sex fogs reality. I hold off on it for 2 reasons. 1. Once reality is fogged, it takes a while before you realize he's "not the one". Then so much time is wasted. 2. If I slept with every guy before 3 or 4 dates, there'd be too many sex partners for my "safety liking". And the moral thing too of course. So, bare with her. If you got serious and a long term relationship formed, you wouldn't want her to be the type that gives it up so easy.
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 nicki- Yeah I think she's probably a lot like you. We've had a nice time together so far with lots of talking and all that so we're on our way to being emotionally connected. It'd be kind of hard to not lie/sleep together at this point because we've already done so. Relationships can only seem to go forwards but never backwards. It really is a slow, delicious burn like you said.
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 Spend as much time OUTSIDE. If you want to 'make-out' go to the movies. I'm not joking...If you spend closed in alone time with her at her house or your place, the temptation will just be there all the time. So, the easiest way to fix that is keep busy, be active in the sense of going out, sporting events, participating in sports, (tennis, rollerblading, shooting pool etc) and just have fun. So far, we've been going out a lot. It's fun and I think it's a good idea to keep doing active things but at the same time I really like it when we're alone. It just feels good when it's just the two of us but you're right, it increases the temptation factor. I think sex fogs reality. I hold off on it for 2 reasons. 1. Once reality is fogged, it takes a while before you realize he's "not the one". Then so much time is wasted. 2. If I slept with every guy before 3 or 4 dates, there'd be too many sex partners for my "safety liking". And the moral thing too of course. You're totally right. That's somewhat how I got involved in my last relationship. If we had held off, it's possible we would have never ended up getting together as a couple. I think I like this girl enough that I can wait quite a long time before we get seriously physical. A kiss sometime in the next few dates would be nice though.
nicki Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 ohhh, then enjoy it! And good advice from the poster who said to do things outside. Go places. Make some memories. Limit time alone inside...for now. I'll never forget the first kiss from my last boyfriend. It was outside at the curb by my house, end of the fourth date. The stars were out. There was big round moon, gentle breeze...(the whole romantic scene.) And then, finally, the kiss.... After he drove away, I couldn't stop thinking about him and how his mouth felt against mine...such longing... Let her miss you like that. It will be explosive when you two get together. Which is goooood. Have fun!
aleatoryd Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Avoid any situations where there's tempting thoughts and keep up the good work. You respect her and you're waiting. She'll appreciate you for that. A relationship built on showing love and affection on a intellectual whole being sense and not just a physical thing will be worth it. You will be connecting properly and intimately. Isn't it better to know that when it happens it will be a moment when the whole thing completes itself - it is more special as she isn't the type to just sleep with a guy but she wants to know who you really are. I think it sounds great and wish you all the best MadDog kudos to you for being so considerate and understanding! (Don't listen to classic Phil Collins like I am though )
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 I'll never forget the first kiss from my last boyfriend. It was outside at the curb by my house, end of the fourth date. The stars were out. There was big round moon, gentle breeze...(the whole romantic scene.) And then, finally, the kiss.... After he drove away, I couldn't stop thinking about him and how his mouth felt against mine...such longing... Let her miss you like that. It will be explosive when you two get together. That's pretty pimpin'. Give her a kiss at the end of the night so she'll be left craving more. I'll have to remember that. Of course, sometimes these things can't be timed and when you sense the moment you just have to go for it. I might actually be learning how to romance a girl for the first time. Haha. I always thought it was pretty lame and best left for chick flicks but maybe there's something to be learned here.
nicki Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Yeah, you can't time it. You'll know when the moment is right... But you can tease her a little, in public (where she can't have you!) Lean in close to her every once in a while so she can tell how great you smell. Get your face close to hers, smile, but don't kiss her. Touch her arm. Hold her hand when you cross the street. Do anything that feels genuine. Then you'll know the right moment. You are a romantic guy. She is bringing that out in you.
Author MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 You are a romantic guy. She is bringing that out in you. I'm actually the same guy that would have gone for a threesome a few weeks ago. You're right though. She's definately having some kind of effect on me that I haven't experienced before. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what it is. Maybe I'm just getting old.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 So far, we've been going out a lot. It's fun and I think it's a good idea to keep doing active things but at the same time I really like it when we're alone. It just feels good when it's just the two of us but you're right, it increases the temptation factor. Every now and then (if you can take it and not get blueballs) spend some "alone time" with her. Get close, kiss, make out like teens...Then YOU back off and say maybe it's time to say goodnight and for you to go home... If you keep doing that about once a week or so, I'm sure some sex will be happening soon enough. Adults are not teens - If you want her and she wants you, ready and able - IT will just happen...
westernxer Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 There's no way you can hold back if you cuddle for hours, night after night. Imfreakingpossible.
aleatoryd Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 Get close, kiss, make out like teens...Then YOU back off and say maybe it's time to say goodnight and for you to go home... Hehehe does that tactic really work? The whole guy stopping things so the girl starts wanting it to carry on. I remember being told that I should always end the conversation phone or face to face and not carry it on til the girl stops it. I guess its about assertiveness but if you can shine any light into how that kind of holding back/control thing works I'd be very interested!
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