shanequa_420 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I am having some issues of my own. In my situation I have been with my fiance for about five years now three of which we have been engaged. He just started a my space and he invited his all of his yahoo friends to view it. Well it just so happens that one of his yahoo friends is his first love. Now she is on there. He had her as one of his top ten friends I got really jelous seeing her on his front page everytime I looked at his my space. I asked him repeatedly to take her off the top ten and finally after nagging him he did it. It brought up mixed feelings that I have had throughout our relationship. He has always kept his email log in info a secret from me and after seeing this I started to wonder why. Therefore I confronted him. After confronting him several times he finally showed me what the big secret was. About 4 or 5 months into our relationship which was long distant at the time he was emailing her and she was emailing him. There were probably 10 emails from her in 2002. I am almost more then sure these were intimate emails but she is on the other side of the us. I was about to read them, but I decided not read them because it would probably cause more pain than it is worth. Should I be worried about this? Should I read them? He is my first love so I am having a hard time understanding how he could still care about her and wonder what she is up to or so he says? What should I do can someone give me some helpful advice.
MadDog Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Well it just so happens that one of his yahoo friends is his first love. Now she is on there. He had her as one of his top ten friends I got really jelous seeing her on his front page everytime I looked at his my space. I asked him repeatedly to take her off the top ten and finally after nagging him he did it. Getting an early start on married life are we? You're only supposed to turn into a nagging old lady after you get married, not before. You really need to stop being a jealous, controlling girlfriend. I'm sure you knew about your boyfriend's ex for a while, right? If you had a problem with her, you should have addressed it before you got into a serious relationship and definately well before you got engaged. I think it's ridiculous when girlfriends ask for their boyfriend's e-mail password. Why not go the whole nine yards and install security cameras in his apartment or a GPS on his car so you always know where he is? I know what people will say. "If he has nothing to hide, he shouldn't have a problem with it." This is utter crap. I don't have anything to hide but I wouldn't want to give my e-mail password to a girlfriend. It's about the right to some privacy and trust. My advice would be to stop making ridiculous demands on your boyfriend and learn to stop being so jealous. If you really don't want to deal with him being in contact with his ex, break up with him and find a guy who either has no exes or doesn't talk to any of them. Nagging him to make him do things he doesn't want to do is the highway to relationship hell.
sungrl Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 If you were exclusive at the time when he was writing those e-mails and they were intimate e-mails such as talking about the past and if they miss each other--how was that respectful for you at the time? Writing an e-mail once in a blue moon to see how are you and how is life is fine but certain lines should not be crossed. I also think that marriage is completely different than being in a relationship. I personally believe a guy or girl who are married should not be in contact with an ex. I do not feel that after that type of committment made to their husband or wife--it is no longer necessary to keep such constant contact with them. For example, I would think it was completely weird if my father stayed in contact with an ex and e-mailed her or talked with her on the phone. He is married--there is no longer a need to speak to someone he was once intimate with. His wife is the one he should be in contact with. Work is not involved or anything of the sort so there is no need to speak to her. I think it would be completely disrespectful to my mother. Rules definitely change when married. When in a relationship--i guess people can get away with it.
tikigods Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Honestly I would be more worried as to why you have been "engaged" for 3 years and still not married yet then year old emails. Anyway you are dating a guy with a past, funny thing is that most people have one, he isn't hiding anything frmo you though, so I am not quite sure what your problem is. If you want to be a persons one and only you are going to need to braek up with him, or stop obessing about year old emails from a pesron that he seems to want nothing more then a myspace casual friendship with. Jealousy is not becoming of anyone in a relationship, and nagging about who he can and can't be friends with will only start to push him away. Also if you go seeking reasons to be jealous and upset about his past don't be surprised (and pretty much beg for them) when he shows or tells you about them. Why not just enjoy him the way he is now with you?
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