Girls. Talk to me right now

[movinon05]

I am shaking. I just left work to go to my car and there were roses on my car with a note that said. "Do you remember what today is? Love always and forever."

 

Today was our anniversary. I completely forgot. Imagine that!

 

I can't stop shaking. I had to come back here into the office and write right away.

 

Please stay with me here. Talk to me, please. I need you now more than ever. And I have to get home to my son. I'm going to leave now and try to calm down.

[Jessie61]

I am shaking. I just left work to go to my car and there were roses on my car with a note that said. "Do you remember what today is? Love always and forever."

 

Today was our anniversary. I completely forgot. Imagine that!

 

I can't stop shaking. I had to come back here into the office and write right away.

 

Please stay with me here. Talk to me, please. I need you now more than ever. And I have to get home to my son. I'm going to leave now and try to calm down.

 

No WONDER you are shaking!!!! Oh. MY. God!!!!! I am speechless!!!! Stay where you are for the moment, you can't drive! Don't do anything. Don't text or ring or anything. Sit tight. I have to compose my own thoughte before I respond properly!

[curly]

No contact = no new hurts!!!!!!!

 

This is only roses. They are not the GIANT gesture. Realize that you forgot what the date was. That's a huge step in your progress.

 

This is just a small step backwards in your emotional journey. You can make it through this. Remember why you ended the relationship. He only left roses, not a divorce settlement. Roses mean nothing.....

 

Good luck & my heart goes out to you.

[Jessie61]

I am shaking. I just left work to go to my car and there were roses on my car with a note that said. "Do you remember what today is? Love always and forever."

 

Today was our anniversary. I completely forgot. Imagine that!

 

I can't stop shaking. I had to come back here into the office and write right away.

 

Please stay with me here. Talk to me, please. I need you now more than ever. And I have to get home to my son. I'm going to leave now and try to calm down.

 

 

OK, I am back! I can really understand how upsetting it must be! I have received probably 30 texts/phone calls etc when I never expected to hear from MM ever again....

 

Stay strong! DON'T contact him. It is just roses, as Curly points out.

 

How are you now???

[kpin124]

o my I don't even know what to say..... sit tight and get your self together before you go and pick up your son..... You don't want him to know that something is wrong..... Take a deep breath and just breathe........... everything will be ok it is just flowers and he is probably trying to get at you.... tug on those strings that are still attached to your heart!

 

 

Just Breathe

[Owl]

OK...I don't know your whole story Movin, but I THINK(?) that you're supposed to be in NC?

 

If so, take the flowers and the card back out and leave them on the ground right next to your car...make a point. Just my thoughts.

[RedRose3373]

hello

don't fall for it babe!!

my ex MM sent me 3 dozen roses to work & it shook me up too

 

just remember 1 thing........ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

 

he is not going to leave, they usually never do

he just wants to weaken u so u go back to him

don't do it babe, there is a life out there waiting for u after the affair

& trust me, its so much better then the pain u will feel every day by staying in the affair

 

stay strong!!! don't call or contact him , just let it go

[movinon05]

I'm home. Its not a matter of that its "just roses". A month ago it was the tables. Now this. It was well over a year since he ended it by not leaving - for those of you who don't know.

 

He's trying to work his way back into my life. Little by little. His son is graduating and there will be nothing to keep him home.

 

And I am just supposed to endure these small gestures leading up to the big one when he actually shows up face to face. I know him too well. 8 years - remember? This is like emotional blackmail.

[zarathustra]

I am shaking. I just left work to go to my car and there were roses on my car with a note that said. "Do you remember what today is? Love always and forever."

 

Today was our anniversary. I completely forgot. Imagine that!

 

I can't stop shaking. I had to come back here into the office and write right away.

 

Please stay with me here. Talk to me, please. I need you now more than ever. And I have to get home to my son. I'm going to leave now and try to calm down.

 

I'm here!

 

1. be proud of yourself that you FORGOT your anniversary. Says alot about you moving on!! Good for you and CONGRATs.

 

2. I would hate to destroy something as beautiful as roses, but if it makes you feel better to stomp on them and take your anger out on the fact that won't let you life your life in peace, do so... better the roses than to hurt something that REALLY matters.

 

3. Take pleasure if you will in ripping that nasty note to shreds... Send it to his house addressed to his wife and tell her to tell him to leave you alone.

 

I know some of these things sound childish and immature, but we ALL have those moments!

 

I'll PM you with my digits if you want to call me.

[movinon05]

OK...I don't know your whole story Movin, but I THINK(?) that you're supposed to be in NC?

 

If so, take the flowers and the card back out and leave them on the ground right next to your car...make a point. Just my thoughts.

 

He would never know if I left them on the ground at work. And yes, I have been in NC for 16 months.

[movinon05]

I'm here!

 

1. be proud of yourself that you FORGOT your anniversary. Says alot about you moving on!! Good for you and CONGRATs.

 

2. I would hate to destroy something as beautiful as roses, but if it makes you feel better to stomp on them and take your anger out on the fact that won't let you life your life in peace, do so... better the roses than to hurt something that REALLY matters.

 

3. Take pleasure if you will in ripping that nasty note to shreds... Send it to his house addressed to his wife and tell her to tell him to leave you alone.

 

I know some of these things sound childish and immature, but we ALL have those moments!

 

I'll PM you with my digits if you want to call me.

 

It was just two roses and I have no problem destroying them like I destroyed everything else. I just left them on my desk at work and came home. I have no intentions of contacting him, I just have to weigh what i will do, if anything. I always take time to ingest what happens and not make rash decisions about whether to contact his W or whatever.

 

I just feel like he is working his moves. And I am not in control of when and where he chooses to do this. I do not like not being in control, when I took my control back over a year ago.

[Jessie61]

 

I know him too well. 8 years - remember? This is like emotional blackmail.

 

It IS emotional blackmail of the highest order! But don't do anything. If you contact him now - I assume he'd come out and tell you IF he had left the W, so can we conclude that he hasn't??? - you could easily end up in the same old situation again. Don't waste this last year! Stay focused. Keep doing what you're doing and remind yourself that you are doing so well!!!! Just DON'T contact him!

 

My heart is bleeding for you right now.

[OneSadArtist]

A very wise and insightful woman shared these words with me this morning, change the 'she' to a 'he' and maybe they will apply to your situation and give you the same strength that they gave me.

 

"She has nothing to give you and expects you to have nothing but her. She is now showing her true colors.

 

Don't you want to be happy with someone who wants to share their life with you? She obviously doesn't. You are much better off. The hurt will subside, I promise you."

 

Congrats on 16 months of NC, what a tremendous accomplishment!

 

OSA

[zarathustra]

I'm home. Its not a matter of that its "just roses". A month ago it was the tables. Now this. It was well over a year since he ended it by not leaving - for those of you who don't know.

 

He's trying to work his way back into my life. Little by little. His son is graduating and there will be nothing to keep him home.

 

And I am just supposed to endure these small gestures leading up to the big one when he actually shows up face to face. I know him too well. 8 years - remember? This is like emotional blackmail.

 

Given all he's done to you in the past 8 years, do you really want him to be in your life at all? Where was he when the whole town turned against you in the beginning? Where was he when his wife assaulted you? Where was he when you needed him? Oh, yeah, he was home playing dutiful hubby to the woman who assaulted you. HE let her place the blame of a broken marriage on you without taking responsibility for the role he played in its demise. He is still living a facade... a charade to his wife and for what? He made you watch him work things out with his wife all these years. Then he had the gall to play this kind of game? He's a sick nasty bastard. He's pond scum.

 

I know that you would say no to many of the questions above given what you've posted in the past.

 

MO, you have gone so far in life. You are worth so much more than what he can offer you. You are with someone who is willing to give you what you want in a relationship. Relish that. Revenge is living life well without him. Remember that.

 

Many hugs to you in your time of need.

[movinon05]

It IS emotional blackmail of the highest order! But don't do anything. If you contact him now - I assume he'd come out and tell you IF he had left the W, so can we conclude that he hasn't??? - you could easily end up in the same old situation again. Don't waste this last year! Stay focused. Keep doing what you're doing and remind yourself that you are doing so well!!!! Just DON'T contact him!

 

My heart is bleeding for you right now.

 

I'm not going to contact him. I have no doubt he has not left yet. He's prepping me. And I hate him for this. I have to run and pick my son up. I'll be back and share what else is going on in my mind.

 

Thank you all.

[Owl]

How about sending them and the card to his wife?

 

THAT should get the response you'd like to see!

[movinon05]

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your posts. I wish I had had this forum before when I was going through all those years of this, but I am so thankful that I have this forum to go through now.

 

As usual, I had to take care of my sons first. I had to calm myself down, drive them here or there, make dinner, etc. I have to keep a sense of normalcy no matter what I am going through.

 

I have been weighing all my options and trying to work everything through my mind about what I am feeling and what I need to do. The best thing I have found after all these years is to allow yourself to feel and not do anything rash.

 

Personally, I am angry with myself for having allowed him to have this affect on me. He knows how to push my buttons and although I will never take him back, I have to admit, I started wondering if there was any chance down the road. At the same time, I remind myself of how selfish he is being by putting me through this. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about the fact that maybe there was a chance we could have what we'd always dreamed of, but it just takes me time to work through reminding myself of the lies, deception, jealousy, manipulation, etc.

 

I called my best friend of 39 years who knows everything about me since we were 7. After discussing the whole thing, she made such an obvious solution that didn't even occur to me in the state I was in. She said, just do what you did with the tables. Put the flowers on his windwhield early in the morning the same way I left the tables on his lawn early in the morning, leave the note with them, but add something to the note to make sure HE got the point, and also to make sure that if his W saw it, she would see that I was rejecting him and not being the one to lure him back, like she always liked to blame me for. I think this is the best way. Its another way of saying - NO - without having to be in contact with him or hear his voice or see him.

 

So that is what I have decided to do. I just have to figure out - now - what to write on the paper.

 

His note said. "Do you remember what today is?"

 

My first thought is to write:

 

"Sorry. This day is no different than any other for me. Perhaps it is the day you first made love to your wife. But you gave the flowers to the wrong person."

 

If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear them because as I get stronger, I need to do this overnight tonight (which means I have to drive back to the office tonight to get them - oh well) or it will be tomorrow night.

 

Thank you all for your support. I'm sorry that I get so nutsy when this happens. I need to be back on track.

 

And I'll tell you another thing. I am feeling so guilty that I get these feelings because of my BF. I don't have the strength to discuss this with him. He doesn't know any of this. But I feel the need to take care of this myself. And be back to my normal self to enjoy what I have with him.

 

You guys are wonderful. So please, throw me some input for my return of the flowers.

[kenny]

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your posts. I wish I had had this forum before when I was going through all those years of this, but I am so thankful that I have this forum to go through now.

 

As usual, I had to take care of my sons first. I had to calm myself down, drive them here or there, make dinner, etc. I have to keep a sense of normalcy no matter what I am going through.

 

I have been weighing all my options and trying to work everything through my mind about what I am feeling and what I need to do. The best thing I have found after all these years is to allow yourself to feel and not do anything rash.

 

Personally, I am angry with myself for having allowed him to have this affect on me. He knows how to push my buttons and although I will never take him back, I have to admit, I started wondering if there was any chance down the road. At the same time, I remind myself of how selfish he is being by putting me through this. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about the fact that maybe there was a chance we could have what we'd always dreamed of, but it just takes me time to work through reminding myself of the lies, deception, jealousy, manipulation, etc.

 

I called my best friend of 39 years who knows everything about me since we were 7. After discussing the whole thing, she made such an obvious solution that didn't even occur to me in the state I was in. She said, just do what you did with the tables. Put the flowers on his windwhield early in the morning the same way I left the tables on his lawn early in the morning, leave the note with them, but add something to the note to make sure HE got the point, and also to make sure that if his W saw it, she would see that I was rejecting him and not being the one to lure him back, like she always liked to blame me for. I think this is the best way. Its another way of saying - NO - without having to be in contact with him or hear his voice or see him.

 

So that is what I have decided to do. I just have to figure out - now - what to write on the paper.

 

His note said. "Do you remember what today is?"

 

My first thought is to write:

 

"Sorry. This day is no different than any other for me. Perhaps it is the day you first made love to your wife. But you gave the flowers to the wrong person."

 

If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear them because as I get stronger, I need to do this overnight tonight (which means I have to drive back to the office tonight to get them - oh well) or it will be tomorrow night.

 

Thank you all for your support. I'm sorry that I get so nutsy when this happens. I need to be back on track.

 

And I'll tell you another thing. I am feeling so guilty that I get these feelings because of my BF. I don't have the strength to discuss this with him. He doesn't know any of this. But I feel the need to take care of this myself. And be back to my normal self to enjoy what I have with him.

 

You guys are wonderful. So please, throw me some input for my return of the flowers.

 

If it was me I wouldn't respond to the guy. I'd either toss the roses or give them to someone else to brighten up there day/office. Like you said, he is baiting you and pushing your buttons. Apathy is the best revenge. You've come to far to go down that road again. HTH:bunny:

[OzGirl]

I like your friend's suggestion and note.

 

Alternatively, throw them out and forget about it... but we all know that could just "up the anti" as they say, and it will be something grander next time.

 

What's also come to my mind is - do you think this is what he wants? For his wife to find out again he's cheating? That's a rather bold move, isn't it... to just assume you will fall into secret-squirrels with him again, and for him to not be fearful of you doing the same thing again by making it obvious to all and sundry he's done this to you?

 

Fair enough - I still think leaving the roses makes your point, and if you're going to do that, I think your option above is a good way to do it.

 

BUT, it's rolling that ball along none the less, AND, maybe it's what he wants you to do?

 

You always have the option to lock your car in future, and do your best to just ignore him and his gestures.

 

I know it's hard, but I think that's what my head would be telling me to do.

 

Best of luck - am interested to see how this all pans out for you. Take care of YOU.

[movinon05]

I like your friend's suggestion and note.

 

Alternatively, throw them out and forget about it... but we all know that could just "up the anti" as they say, and it will be something grander next time.

 

What's also come to my mind is - do you think this is what he wants? For his wife to find out again he's cheating? That's a rather bold move, isn't it... to just assume you will fall into secret-squirrels with him again, and for him to not be fearful of you doing the same thing again by making it obvious to all and sundry he's done this to you?

 

Fair enough - I still think leaving the roses makes your point, and if you're going to do that, I think your option above is a good way to do it.

 

BUT, it's rolling that ball along none the less, AND, maybe it's what he wants you to do?

 

You always have the option to lock your car in future, and do your best to just ignore him and his gestures.

 

I know it's hard, but I think that's what my head would be telling me to do.

 

Best of luck - am interested to see how this all pans out for you. Take care of YOU.

 

If I ignore it, he will come back again and I have to put a stop to this once and for all. If you knew the whole story, you might understand. I wrote my story last week. I am sure she thinks he is not in contact with me after 8 years. That's all fine. Except when he does contact me, she comes after me. If I do it this way, it sends a message to him. And if she sees it before he does, then she knows it is not me and they can deal with it without me in the middle because I have kept NC. She just has to deal with the reality of a husband who continues to lie to her and "be in love" with another woman, without me being the one to instigate it. After all these years, I have no compassion for her. Perhaps that sounds wrong. But perhaps she needs to know what she is dealing with. But I know what she has done all these years and she took him back over and over for 7 years. If this is the kind of love she wants, then she is welcome to it. But I took the fall for 7 years. And I have no intention of doing it anymore. If you differ, feel free. I have just had it.

 

Like I said, if I don't stop this now, it will continue. And btw, he put the flowers on my windshield, not in my car. He knows where I live and where I work. If I could go to his work and confront him, I would. But he works at different sites all the time because he is a contractor. I have no idea where he is. And I'm not about to go to his home and involve his children like she did with her own and mine. Its just my feeling after all this.

 

And to your question as to whether he wants his wife to know what he is doing or what he wants.... Please. Its always been about what he wants and he has conducted this A to his conditions. He chose to stay. I moved on. I don't give squat to what he wants anymore because of the way he treated me through all of this.

[zarathustra]

If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear them because as I get stronger, I need to do this overnight tonight (which means I have to drive back to the office tonight to get them - oh well) or it will be tomorrow night.

 

Hi MO... here's my suggestion:

 

I would get the flowers from the office, run over with the car a couple of times first. Then on the note, I would say, "No, I didn't, but thanks for reminding me of the worst mistake I've ever made... with that said, why don't you f*** off and leave me alone!"?!!

 

Pardon my french and being a bit juvenile.

 

I would also make sure that his wife would see the note and the flowers left on his windshield to show her that HE"S the one with the problem of leaving you be. This way, she can keep him on a short leash.

[My_Other_I]

How about sending them and the card to his wife?

 

THAT should get the response you'd like to see!

I like this one. I'm almost sure it would stop him from blackmailing you any further.

[RecordProducer]

I am shaking. I just left work to go to my car and there were roses on my car with a note that said. "Do you remember what today is? Love always and forever."

 

Today was our anniversary. I completely forgot. Imagine that!

 

I can't stop shaking. I had to come back here into the office and write right away.

 

Please stay with me here. Talk to me, please. I need you now more than ever. And I have to get home to my son. I'm going to leave now and try to calm down.

So?

 

He's trying to get some more sex and fun from you. Hence the roses. Are you so naive?

 

It's not a big deal when you have hidden agenda.

[Blind Illusion]

My take is that he is upping the ante now, thinking that you will eventually capitulate. In hindsight, the return of the table was probably a bit of a faux pas. It would have probably drove him crazy if he didn't know if there was any reaction whatsoever..

 

If returning to the way things were back then is not what you want, you must stay strong. I even know a person that had NC, had a second child with her husband and ended up back with the MM after that. It's almost like you can never let your guard down because the roses and other things like that will wear you down if you do.

[movinon05]

Hi MO... here's my suggestion:

 

I would get the flowers from the office, run over with the car a couple of times first. Then on the note, I would say, "No, I didn't, but thanks for reminding me of the worst mistake I've ever made... with that said, why don't you f*** off and leave me alone!"?!!

 

Pardon my french and being a bit juvenile.

 

I would also make sure that his wife would see the note and the flowers left on his windshield to show her that HE"S the one with the problem of leaving you be. This way, she can keep him on a short leash.

 

Hmm. Well this is an option! I did go get the roses. That message would be totally out of character for me! Hmm. I do like it though! lol!

 

I can't guarantee his W would see it because unlike her, I still have no intention of risking involving their son. I do not want to speak to any of these people. I just want him to leave me alone. Period.