vampress1 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Except for the last paragraph, you fears of living together don't seem to have anything to do with being married or not. Why do you think you will be less likely to have these fears if you are married first? my sentiments exactly!! If you really do intend to marry, he'll have to witness or at least be aware of the things you listed. My husband and i lived together before marriage and i wouldn't have changed a thing! They say the first year of marriage is the toughest... I'm not convinced that's true, but if it is, why not alleviate some of the stress of getting used to one anothers living habits prior to tying the knot? Just a thought... In reference to the comments made about "being up each others a$$ 24/7/365"... my husband and i often talk/dream about the day we will start our own company so we can spend more time together. Maybe that's not usual, but what a nice feeling!! I can't wait for the weekends when we don't have work, meetings, and other obligations eating away at the time we spend together.
Kengne Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Ok I heard about the study Alphamale referred to about marriages with prior co-habitation more likely to end in divorce, than marriages that did NOT have prior cohabitation. And I'd like to say for the record that I 100% agree with the idea of NO COHABITATION. Now I'm not advocating people should live their lives based on valid statistical figures (as opposed to a 1-subject study like someone suggested here about sleeping naked & being happier which clearly - has no statistical validity, sorry ) ... BUT I am saying - the figures speak for themselves. I'm not sure whether that study controlled for differences in religiousity and/or culture among the couples surveyed... but we cannot just assume that they did not control for those interfering variables. However - I DO remember reading that an important factor that influenced the divorce rate in couples who cohabitated prior to marriage, was the couples' mindset/attitude about & prior to cohabitating i.e. whether couples moved in together with the CLEAR KNOWLEDGE/UNDERSTANDING that they were going to get married (thus, the cohabitation was a sort of dry run/pre-quel to marriage) ... or whether they just moved in together with no immediate or clear intention of marriage e.g. for financial reasons, to save on rent etc.. And of course, the latter couples were more likely to get divorced than the former. But regardless - even if my bf was to suggest us moving in together as a pre-quel to marriage... I STILL wouldn't cohabitate because I personally believe that marriage is a leap of faith and there shouldn't be any dry-run. Sorry. I also believe that cohabitating prior to marriage, FOR ME, would take out all the fun & discovery of being married, and living with / getting to know my future husband. If I truly loved someone & vice versa ... I think I could learn to deal with the fact that they leave their shoes by the door, or wake up early in the morning or brush their teeth 20 times before going to bed or any other annoying little habits /idiosyncrasies that some people seem to feel you just MUST know all about BEFORE getting married. Because if you haven't realized yet - there will ALWAYS be habits / idiosyncrasies about another person that just drive you crazy! Always! If it's not A, it'll be B! So there's no reason to live together to try to find out these things because guess what - you never will! Something will ALWAYS bother you. So that's why I feel you should just get married, live with the person, find out their idiosyncrasies and if THAT'S horrible jeez you turn around and get a divorce! Now if you are of the belief that marriage is till death do you part - then I seriously doubt that you'll be running to divorce court JUST because you suddenly discovered you absolutely HATE the way your husband/wife chews his food. Jeez people - you just learn to live/deal with it! Don't you love the person? So then learn to live/deal with their idiosyncrasies just like how you learned to live/deal with the annoying habits your family displayed while growing up. And LAST... like another poster said... I intend to OWN a home/condo in the next few years. So NO WAY IN HELL am I going to give up my OWN place, to move into someone else's place & pay rent. Or even worse - move into my bf's house and pay rent to HIM. HELL NO. And no one is moving into MY crib either. So that means the only way I would give up my own home ... is if my future fiance and I were to buy a home - TOGETHER. I'd be leaving my home to move into OUR home. Can't imagine it any other way. K.
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