lobsterbabe Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 So what are your thoughts on cohabiting with your significant other before getting married? Good idea, or bad idea?
MadDog Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I used to think I would need to live with someone before I decided to marry them. Now I'm thinking it doesn't matter either way as long as you really know the person you're going to marry. The girl I'm currently seeing doesn't believe in living together before getting married. She said if you already live together, then there's nothing to look forward to once you get married. I never saw it that way but I agree with her. Other couples might see it differently though and say it absolutely made sense for them to move in before they got married. This is probably one of those things that differ for each couple.
Art_Critic Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I'm of the opinion that it doesn't matter. I didn't live with my exwife before marriage and that didn't make things not happen.. in fact there are a few things that I would've found out about if we had lived together. But I have also lived with women before from 1-4 years and we didn't break up over something that was found out because we lived together.. I do think that living together can help if you do get married in the fact that you will already have established patterns that don't have to be learned once married and you can spend your time on the marriage instead of the breakin time
tikigods Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I think its a great way to get to know the person you are going to marry and a way the find out all the little habits that they have before you are suddenly thrown into a world with them that is harder to get out of ;D
luvtoto Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I think living together before marriage reduces the commitment to marry. Convenience is running the show. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
1Gravity Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I didn't live with my wife before marriage. Had I been exposed to her in that environment, I might have not married her and vice versa.
catgirl1927 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 It's always an adjustment to live with someone. I prefer to do that BEFORE. I think it's very personal, though. It works for some and not for others. I think it should be a personal decision based on your feelings. I question the motives of anyone refusing to live together because they want a ring or some financial security, I'd want a pre-nup for those folks. But if her moral code is such that living together is wrong to her, then she shouldn't do it. I know happy marriages that have started both ways, and failed ones too. The success of the marriage depends on the people and their willingness to compromise more than whether or not you lived together first.
Sleeps w/Butterflies Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Different strokes for different folks. I personally prefer to be married before living with the person I am with. Although not everyone's situation is the same, some people I know have lived together for many years and are now getting married while others have had to break it off with their partner because they felt that the realtionship was going nowhere.
bab Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I could go either way. There are advantages to both. We are somewhere inbetween, and I think it's the best of both worlds, for us. We got engaged and started living together shortly there after. It wasn't one of those engagements that lasts forever, we were activley planning the wedding from the time of the engagement. I like this arrangement for 4 reasons: 1. No why buy the milk problem since we are planning. 2. I know he isn't marrying me just so that we can live together. 3. We get to figure out how to live together so we can focus on the marriage part after the wedding. 4. If we were really really incompatible, we could've still bailed. But, mostly, each to his own. It's going to be different for everyone. I also agree with MadDog. After our wedding ceremony nothing is going to change drastically, so it will probably be anti-climatic. No choice is perfect, and we'll start looking for a house to buy almost immediately, so there is still alot to look forward too.
catgirl1927 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I disagree that if you live together first there's nothing to look forward to. How sad is that? If sharing a bathroom is the highlight of your married life?
bab Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I don't think it's the sharing of the bathroom, but that the marriage won't actually change how you live your life that you miss when living together before marriage. This is what happened that made me not want to live together before marriage (although clearly I've changed my tune): A couple of years ago, my now fiance and I were talking about all the couples that we knew that were getting married. I said we knew 5 couples that were getting married that year, and he could only think of 3. When I told him who the other 2 couples were, his reaction was (literally): "Oh, well they don't count, they've been living together forever." Mind you they'd only been living together for about 2 years. I flipped, because I didn't want our marriage to "not count". Of course that was a few years ago, and I've calmed down and thought about it more rationally since then. But I can understand where people come from with the "not having anything to look forward too" idea.
MadDog Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I disagree that if you live together first there's nothing to look forward to. How sad is that? If sharing a bathroom is the highlight of your married life? I think the point is that if you're already living together before you get married, nothing will change after you get married except maybe the bride's name. If you wait until you're married to live together, however, then you can look forward to sleeping in the same bed every night, etc. The excitement of living together will be part of the fun of getting married. Again, I don't think there's any right answer to this. It just depends on the kind of person you are. I used to think it was a great idea to live with the person first before getting married but I've only recently changed my mind about it.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Different strokes for different folks. I personally prefer to be married before living with the person I am with. Although not everyone's situation is the same, some people I know have lived together for many years and are now getting married while others have had to break it off with their partner because they felt that the realtionship was going nowhere. Isn't it lucky that they weren't married when they figured that out and didn't have to go through divorces? I'm never getting married again. Because I don't want to get divorced again. And you never really know nowadays.
catgirl1927 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 You guys, I wasn't serious. I was trying to be funny.
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I lived with a guy for about 2.5 years of a nearly 4 year relationship. However, I don't plan on doing it again. Why? Because now I'm a homeowner, and I don't want to give up my place, only to possibly have the partnership end, and me end up "homeless" like i did after the 4 year relationship. It's hard enough to deal with the breakup, let alone deal with finding a place to live. In my area, finding a decent place, for a decent price, is next to impossible (NJ). The man i'm currently seeing is of the same camp as well. He lived with his last ltr they even co-owned the house together. He said while it was nice to live together, he doesn't want to go through that again unless it's for marriage. I think there are definitely pros and cons to it, it just depends on where you are in life, really, and what you want to get out of it. Jennifer
radiation7740 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I not only think it's not a good idea to live together before marriage. It's also not a good idea to get married at all. I think one gets the best of both worlds by dating exclusively while still living in separate residencies. At least that's how I feel about living together or marriage. Don't live together at all whether you plan to marry or not. I like having my personal space & freedom to breathe. So for me I just like to date exclusively with a woman without any intentions of living together. I don't understand why anyone would want to see their significant other every single day let alone sleep with them every night.
MadDog Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I not only think it's not a good idea to live together before marriage. It's also not a good idea to get married at all. I think one gets the best of both worlds by dating exclusively while still living in separate residencies. At least that's how I feel about living together or marriage. Don't live together at all whether you plan to marry or not. I like having my personal space & freedom to breathe. So for me I just like to date exclusively with a woman without any intentions of living together. I don't understand why anyone would want to see their significant other every single day let alone sleep with them every night. That only works though if you don't want to have kids and a family one day. I still dream of having the whole white picket fences and family trips to Disneyland type deal. It's kinda hard to do if mom and dad are living in different places.
radiation7740 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I agree that if you want to have kids then you should get married. I don't want to have kids. So yes the only reason I would ever get married is if I ever changed my mind about not wanting kids. But I doubt that's going to happen since I'm enjoying my freedom. There's alot less to worry about while living the single life. Sure I spend the night sometimes with the girls I've dated but that was like every other weekend.
glittergurl Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I honestly can't think of any good reason not to live together before marriage. I not only think it's not a good idea to live together before marriage. It's also not a good idea to get married at all. I think one gets the best of both worlds by dating exclusively while still living in separate residencies. At least that's how I feel about living together or marriage. Don't live together at all whether you plan to marry or not. I like having my personal space & freedom to breathe. So for me I just like to date exclusively with a woman without any intentions of living together. I don't understand why anyone would want to see their significant other every single day let alone sleep with them every night. Yes, but that's the way you want your life to be. It's your personal choice. The original question was whether or not it would be a good idea to move in together before marriage. You may not believe this, but some people actually do enjoy each other's company 24/7 lol And living apart would be torture for them. I think there are definitely pros and cons to it, it just depends on where you are in life, really, and what you want to get out of it. That's a great point, Jennifer! Although there is an age difference between me and my husband; we were definitely at the same point in our lives when we met and moved in together. I guess it does need to be something that happens at the right time.
nicki Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 For me, I would wait to live with someone until I married them. Then you are so excited to move in together, sleep every night together, shop, etc. Everything is new, memorable...special. I think that's a great way to start a marriage.
honeybunch2k5 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 No cohabitation for me. I'm more on the traditional side. Something just doesn't seem right. If I'm gonna marry a guy, then there is no need to rush to live with him. After all, we'd hopefully be together the rest of our lives. I don't think you can practice a marriage. A married person once told me after marriage things are still going to change. And someone told me that if you learn too much about a person too soon, you will not marry them.
glittergurl Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I don't understand the difference between living together before or after marriage. I mean; you don't become different people after you're married. Technically speaking, whether you live together before or after you sign those papers, make absolutely no difference. So I just don't understand people who say they'd rather wait. No matter when you move in, it's definitely gonna be fun and new in the beginning; so, does it really matter if that beginning matches your wedding day?
littlekitty Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I'm very pro, and in a similar position to Babs. I'm living with my SO after a year of dating, and we intend on getting engaged in Dec, married next year. For us as a couple we had both lived with people previously and found ourselves to be with someone incompatible with our life styles etc. The lesson those times was learnt though the co-habitation. Living with someone full time and dating are poles apart. For us it was important to feel we were 100% happy with living with each other and spending that time together, before moving onto marriage.
catgirl1927 Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 I don't understand the difference between living together before or after marriage. I mean; you don't become different people after you're married. Technically speaking, whether you live together before or after you sign those papers, make absolutely no difference. So I just don't understand people who say they'd rather wait. No matter when you move in, it's definitely gonna be fun and new in the beginning; so, does it really matter if that beginning matches your wedding day? See, I agree with this. To me, marriage is an emotional commitment. The "ceremony" really isn't what is significant to me. I'm not looking to elevate my social status, transfer tracts of land or obtain half of anyone's paycheck, so the legal status of married or unmarried really isn't what's important to me. I want to be married before I get pregnant, because I don't want to be pregnant at my wedding. I won't be able to drink and I'll look fat in the pictures. I don't see living together as "practicing" for marriage. If you've ever lived with someone and broken up, it's really not all that simple because you always have stuff you have to divide anyway. To me the marriage is an emotional commitment, so if you're living together and planning to spend the rest of your life together, then you're married. Not everyone believes that, and that's fine. That's just what I believe. However, if someone's religious beliefs dictate that living together prior to marriage is wrong, I think everyone should respect that. Everyone has to do what's right for them and what will make them happy. Because the ceremony isn't what is significant to me, why would I care if they DO wait until after?
alphamale Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 So what are your thoughts on cohabiting with your significant other before getting married? Good idea, or bad idea? people who live together before getting married have a higher divorce rate than people who don't live togehter before marriage.
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