deblueyes10 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Okay, so here goes... I met this guy from an internet dating service 2 and a half weeks ago. This is the first guy for me to date after a 21 year marriage. Anyway, he came on very fast but very respectful too. We just connected right away. We have seen each other 5 times now. On the 5th time I spent the night with him. I kind of freaked out afterwards. Also, another mistake I have made is that I am honest to a fault. I probably talked about the ex too much too. Anyway, everything went well I thought and he said so. Then I leave his house on Saturday about noon. I never heard from him that day so I emailed him and told him I hope I didn't blow it with him and all. We have been in contact with each other by email or phone every day since we started talking about 3-4 weeks ago. So he finally called me Sunday night. He said he had just got my email and figured he better call me so I didn't think he had bailed on me. So then I sent him an email thanking him for calling me and that it made me feel better about things. I haven't heard from him since. I am having surgery on Thursday and we talked about maybe seeing each other before as I will be out of comission for a week or so. He never mentioned seeing me when he called on Sunday night. Every time he has called he talks about the next time he is going to see me. I am so new to this whole thing I don't know if this is normal or not. I mean he doesn't seem the type of guy to sleep with me and then dump me but then again how do I know? Like I said he came on strong with flowers and wanted to see me all the time and now nothing. What do you all think about this? Am I being paranoid? Naive?
SmoochieFace Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I mean he doesn't seem the type of guy to sleep with me and then dump me but then again how do I know? Like I said he came on strong with flowers and wanted to see me all the time and now nothing. What do you all think about this? Am I being paranoid? Naive? I don't think you are being *paranoid* or even *naive*. He, OTOH, is being a real ass. Unfortunately, this seems to happen all too often. I'm sorry to have to say this but it's possible you have been used by what is commonly known as a *typical jerk*. Notice how strongly he came on to you with the flowers and then once he got what he REALLY wanted from you (yes, sex) he just *disappeared*. It is no reflection on you as a person but it is a huge reflection on the type of guy he is. He was in it only for the sex - and many guys seem to view this as a *conquering* thing. Once they have *conquered* the prey, so to speak, they quickly lose interest. Personally, I don't *get it* myself - and I am a guy. Go figure.
tinktronik Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I don't think your being paronoid or nieve. Perhaps he got what he was after ( sex) and it seems you havn't seen him since. I personally would just wait it out , give it another week or so and see before moving along. 21 years is a long time to not date , but you'll get the swing of things. After a week or so I'd move on to greener pastures.
Sleeps w/Butterflies Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 You are not being paranoid at all. Generally speaking your gut instinct is usually on point. I'm sorry you had to meet a jerk and get swept off your feet only to have him disappear. But just think of it from this perspective it is better to have him do this now than to drag yourself into a relationship with someone that will end up hurting you in the end. I would not contact him at all. Good luck with your surgery.
aleatoryd Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I think a problem with some online dating (Not all online dating before I offend anyone!) is that easily found easily lost. Let me explain that. It doesn't take much effort to find someone online. Initially it can be fun and exciting. You "connect" with a new person. Maybe you meet. Maybe you don't. Sometimes however when the whole thing has run it's course you lose interest and move on to the next person. I don't know if this is the case here but he may have lots of women who he romances and/or he is secretly afraid of commitment. Perhaps he enjoys being free and single to meet different women. I don't know the answer because next thing you know he might call and it'll all be fine. The problem is that if it is easy to get what you want (not even the sex but the intimacy, fun, fliting etc) then it could become addictive. To some people it's just a thrill and they go off seeking it again. You don't know how serious he is. Sadly even the worst people have some good characteristics and so a stranger can charm you before you get to know them and then they are gone leaving a trail of broken hearts. I hope it's just a case of bad communication and the guy figuring he'd give you space. Keep perservering and remember if he doesn't make an effort there's better out there for you. Good luck! [Oh yeah I'm a guy as well and I don't like behaviour like this guy. I'm in a different online situation - I came across too strongly and scared the woman off. She feels I have high expectations of our relationship i.e. Because we met on a dating website I'm unrealistic in thinking/wanting it to (maybe) end in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Now I'm left waiting to see if she will reply to my last e-mail or not. I'll wait a few weeks if I have to. If she doesn't reply then I'll stop trying because it seems too one sided. There's no point chasing someone who doesn't return the same level of interest - I'd just seem desperate, she'll think I have emotional problems and I'd invest too much emotion. Life is complicated!]
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