golden Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Close to 1 month of NC (after realising that we couldn't actually be "friends" so soon after breaking up) and everything's going pretty well - stopped counselling because I felt there was nothing more it could do for me, studying 12 hours a day because I'm one exam away from graduating. Some days, I feel the loss of the ex acutely and wonder why in the world such pain exists. Some days, I'm angry. Some days, the whole experience is just there, like a memory of any other big event in your life that's just happened. But every day, I feel that I'm living and will live so much more because of it. So - yesterday was exactly a year since I last saw him and we began a LDR. I was feeling a little melancholic and was contemplating breaking NC. I logged onto my old messenger account, saw him online, but ultimately decided that it wouldn't be very comfortable to say anything and logged off. Then I get a message saying that he knows he shouldn't be contacting me, but he's been thinking of me and misses me. And to ignore the message if I don't want to talk, he'll understand. Part of me is gratified that I didn't just vanish from his world, since we were so comfortable and genuinely liked each other as people. I definitely don't wish rocks and/or itchy scratchy syphilis on him I'd love to have him in my life if it weren't for me still wanting a little more. On the other hand, I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I'm not beating myself up because of it, it's not debilitating, and it's not taking my attention away from other things I have to do. But I'd really like to know what exactly is going on in my brain and heart, because they can't seem to decide what to think or feel. Do I want to talk to him? - Well, yes, of course. Do I think it's a good idea? - Definitely leaning towards no. Will I start talking to him regularly? - At this point, no. How do I feel about this message? - Hmm. Hmmmm....... Should I reply and just say "Not right now." - Hmmmmmmmmmmm... Any thoughts? TIA!
BBetsy Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 That's a tough one. I'd be so happy he still thought of me and I would probably try to start a friendship with the hope that it would go further...whether it's the "right" thing to do or not...
UT_longhorn Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I'd say he's opening the doors for friendship. i would write him a short note saying that you appreciate the gesture but you don't think its a good time to talk yet, but would be open to being friends in the future. 1 month of NC is not much. I think you have many months to go before youare completely healed.
In Sync Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Close to 1 month of NC (after realising that we couldn't actually be "friends" so soon after breaking up) and everything's going pretty well - stopped counselling because I felt there was nothing more it could do for me, studying 12 hours a day because I'm one exam away from graduating. Some days, I feel the loss of the ex acutely and wonder why in the world such pain exists. Some days, I'm angry. Some days, the whole experience is just there, like a memory of any other big event in your life that's just happened. But every day, I feel that I'm living and will live so much more because of it. So - yesterday was exactly a year since I last saw him and we began a LDR. I was feeling a little melancholic and was contemplating breaking NC. I logged onto my old messenger account, saw him online, but ultimately decided that it wouldn't be very comfortable to say anything and logged off. Then I get a message saying that he knows he shouldn't be contacting me, but he's been thinking of me and misses me. And to ignore the message if I don't want to talk, he'll understand. Part of me is gratified that I didn't just vanish from his world, since we were so comfortable and genuinely liked each other as people. I definitely don't wish rocks and/or itchy scratchy syphilis on him I'd love to have him in my life if it weren't for me still wanting a little more. On the other hand, I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I'm not beating myself up because of it, it's not debilitating, and it's not taking my attention away from other things I have to do. But I'd really like to know what exactly is going on in my brain and heart, because they can't seem to decide what to think or feel. Do I want to talk to him? - Well, yes, of course. Do I think it's a good idea? - Definitely leaning towards no. Will I start talking to him regularly? - At this point, no. How do I feel about this message? - Hmm. Hmmmm....... Should I reply and just say "Not right now." - Hmmmmmmmmmmm... Any thoughts? TIA! I suppose you could get more varied advice if there were more details. (i.e. who broke up with whom) I personally am a big supporter of NC, as a healing tool. BUT if the relationship ended in a mutual understanding that it wasn''t working out, I don't see a problem in rsvping...Yet somewhere in your post I had the feeling you did want more. SO, I ask is breaking NC are you sure you want to do this? If you truly aren't over someone being pulled back into anywhere near what could potentially be another disappointment with this ex is not worth it. Ok, he misses you. People do miss each other and it's flattering that he acknowledges this but what level of missing are we talking about? Are you prepared to find out what "missing you" means? It could be from a nice casual hook up to the full marriage monty. What do you want? Of course you are curious and it feels nice but don't let your heart be lead astray..if you decide to break NC be prepared that an innocent contact with him can set you back if you don't hear what you were hoping for.
BBetsy Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 UT... that was good advice. VERY good advice. I change my answer to agree with yours....
UT_longhorn Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 UT... that was good advice. VERY good advice. I change my answer to agree with yours.... you flatter me.
HokeyReligions Posted April 26, 2006 Posted April 26, 2006 What do you do when your heart goes "Hmmmmmm...."? See a doctor and have the batteries in my pacemaker checked!
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