riobikini Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 What do you think happens in cases where you just can't shut the door in the aftermath of breakup? What happens when you are months and months down the road and he/she is dating/living with someone else and you still feel just the same about him/her as you did to begin with? What if you've given 'NC' all you can give it, (yet 'fudged here and there often) and you are still clinging to the hope that he/she still feels 'something' for you...that, perhaps, the love is still there, hidden somewhere, and all you have to do is be 'avaliable'? What if it's an almost spiritual-sounding belief that you have that 'it was meant to be'? And what if you just can't move on until you know you've given it that heroic, almighty, do-or die effort? Even if it takes a year or two from now. Or indefinitely to 'work' the chance? The miracle. Do you take up that cross? Or do you turn your back on that wisp of a chance that -against all the odds and all the 'good' advice you're being given- he/she can still be 'won' back, if you just 'go that extra mile'? Call it 'closure', call it 'knowing for sure', do it to 'unconvince' yourself that he/she was 'the one', and -once and for all- know you gave it everything you had, right down to your own possible humiliation. You're even willing to wait for new partners to become history so your chance can happen. You 'hover', watching and waiting. Telling yourself that, if you don't do this, you'll 'regret it' for the rest of your life. Telling yourself that, if it doesn't work, with *this* amount of effort, *this time* that you'll finally be able to turn your back on it, saying you gave it the best you had in you. Doggedly hang on. No matter what. Hellbent, if you must. And damn all the torpedoes. Your posts are welcome on this subject. Please. -Rio *Re-Posted here from 'Second Chances'
sunshinegirl Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I try to reconcile my 'spiritual' feelings or fantasies with reality. That is, it's been 15 months for me since my breakup and despite the fact that I really believed my ex was the one for me, he has not once reached out to contact me since we broke up. So, every time that wisp of hope rears its head (and it still does, sadly enough), I try to remind myself that he finished with me long ago. I know that any kind of "do-or-die" effort would only end in my total humiliation. So my job now is to work on really accepting that it's over and we weren't meant to be.
skeptik224 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I go back and forth as to what I'd do in any attempts to get my ex back. I haven't stalked her. I haven't begged her to come back. In fact, for the reasons she gave me for the break-up, I've let her go. We ddin't break up because we didn't love each other...we broke up because the timing sucked. I still love her, and as I said in the "saw my ex" thread I just posted, I was the bigger person. I think that when relationships end, we start becoming the exact opposite of what we were when our exes fell in love with us. That's why I made it a point to be me...the fun, easy going, joking around person that I was and have worked so hard to become again. Do I think we are meant to be together? Absolutely. I've come to the realization that in her eyes, I'm the type of person to settle down with...not the type to just mess around on. Would I be "the other man" should she try? I'd like to say no...I've worked too hard not to repeat old patterns. I have regrets but I don't think they're justifiable. For the first time in my life, I put myself first and made a decision based on what I could and/or couldn't do. If it's true love, I don't think someone should have to humiliate themselves to achieve it. It'll just come. Spiritually,I believe in that if it's meant to be, it'll be. That doesn't mean that it's meant to be right now....
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