chopr Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 ok, ive come here because bascially my life has turned upside down again.. i am 19 years old and the couple involved are 20 i need some guidence here..please.. the story goes like this. i met this couple who have a child together (not married) through another friend. me and a few friends started going around there quite often because they didnt really get any company because their old mates stopped coming around after they had a child. so we would go over their and have some drinks and play darts/cards and generally, we had a great time. all of my mates became best mates with the guy, they were all like brothers, however, i found myself becoming very good friends with the girl. she was crazy like me, and she was an ex-drug addict, i am currently an addict so we had much in common to talk about. she would sit there and talk about her bad days, and shed sit there and talk to me for hours and hours trying to help me/make me feel better and give me direction. this went on for 6 months or so, us just being good mates. she would always try and make me eat, tell me i could stay whenever i wanted, she was basically, being there form me like no one ever really had before. i listneed to her and she listened to me. slowly and slowly things started coming out about how miserable she was with her relationship. she told me it had been doomed from the start, he was angry, occassionally abusive and restricting. she told me how she left him multiple times while she was pregnant and how they fight very badly when we are not around. i was shocked because they seemed happy. she told me things shed never told anyone before, the deepest saddest hardest things to talk about. and i told her the same things. so we were great friends. the friend i always needed. we played darts, we drank together i beat her at cards we laughed we cried...and then, one night we just stopped in the middle of laughter and looked at each other in the eyes..it was extremely scary, just that one 5 second look, the small smile on her face, the look in her eyes. we sent electric shocks through each other. i never used a drug once in her company, not once. i didnt need anything when i was around her. nothing more then that happened but our being around each other was getting a lot more close with each day. we would often just sit there and look at each other in the eyes. not saying anything, we talked with our eyes. we never said anything to each other, but we both knew what we were saying. one night a few weeks later her boyfriend went completely psycho. screaming nonsense, abusing her with words, running out the front of the house screaming. we werent sure what to do so we stuck around (about 5 or 6 of us) to make sure nothing bad happened. he came into the room and through a beer bottle across the room at the girls head. she ducked it smashed on the wall and glass went all over her. she was in a ball crying. i could do anything. he went through the house out the front again and we followed. he was screaming like a maniac punching and kicking anything around him. she came out with us crying and yelling at him to calm down, she went to grab him to calm him down, he just threw her hard onto the floor. he ran onto the road screaming and she went after him again after we pulled her up off the floor, i stayed down at the house at looked across and he grabbed her and through her hard onto the road with a car coming down the road. i ran and dragged her off the road. he ran away somewhere at this point. i took her inside. i held her. she cried. she cried. she cried more. she doesnt deserve this. shes been abused constantly her entire life. i left after a few hours to go home because she told me i should. a few days later i went over to the house again. he was very embarrassed and avoided eye contact with me. i shook his hand and said, whatever happened, you cant let it happen again. i went outside and she was standing there having a smoke. with that look on her face she gets when shes been broken. i asked her how she was doing after that night, she turned to me, she had bruised face, and bruises all around her neck. she told me not one person had asked her how she was, everyone only asked her boyfriend how he was. this eventually was forgotton about, but obviously not by her. she felt broken and very betrayed. we stayed amazing friends, i practically ended up living there, both he and her said they want to help me get clean and that they will do their best to do so. i felt good. someone gives a s*** about me. we went on a small roadtrip for her grannies 50th wedding anniversary, i met all her family and had a great time with them. he sat inside watching tv whinging and groaning at everything. we danced to the music, we laughed, we drank, i danced with her we smiled at each other we laughed we danced it was great. she hadnt been out of the house to have fun in about 8 months. he just sits there doing nothing and wont let her do anything either. at one point in the night, her mum came up to me and said..."i dont know whats going on with you two, and even though i feel wrong saying it, it looks really damn good, for both you" she smiled, winked at me and walked off. we left about 1 am to go home and he went absolutely crazy at her for no reason, mainly i think because she was having fun. they fought and fought until the baby screamed, she told him she hated him, he stopped the car, threw her out and drove off. this was in the middle of the woods basically. i said you cant do that go back and get her. he kept driving. basically what happened is he said to me, get out go find her, ill pick you up. i walked for a while looking for her, i came to a petrol station and asked two motorbike riders if theyd seen a girl upset, dark hair etc etc. they said yes shes in the shop on the phone. i looked through the glass and she was on the payphone to someone crying, she told me to go away. i said no, come with me, im not leaving you here. eventually she hung up the phone, snuggled her head under my chin and cried. he came to pick us up and they fought the whole way home. my hand was sitting down the side of the chair in the car. she grabbed it and held it tight, i held her foot, i touched her toes, i held her hand. for the frist time wed made intimate contact. simple things like touching her hand like that, made us both feel electric and euphoric. we got home, he stormed inside. i parked the car in the garage for him and she was still in the car. i said to her. "i love you". she cried. she said it back. we sat outside for a few hours talking. about what we're going to do. she told me nothing can happen at all form this point forward. we just have to see what happens. she said that she loves me but that she needs to work things out with her partner for the sake of the child. i disagreed but went along with her decision because it was hers. we hugged and said goodnight. i went into my room, she came and sat on the bed, i sat up. the chemistry was too strong. we kissed. like no other kiss on this planet. ever. we were both out of breathe, clammy and rushing with adrenaline from one small kiss. it just blew us away, it was like an explosion. we kissed for a short while. i held her hand and looked in her eyes for about five minutes. told her to go to bed. it was a shock to both of us, we knew there was something there. but not THAT strong. it was intense. we woke up the next morning, it wasnt awrkward or weird, we just tlaked about the situation. she told me she wont let anything else happen from this point forward, unless it was possible for it too happen. this idea lasted about 24 hours, he left somwhere in anger. we spent a whole two days together. no sex, i just couldnt do it. but everything else, was like wed been together for years. we hugged, we laughed, we kissed we shared a plate of food and we played with her son. when it was just me and her, i was happy, content, i was smiling, and most of all, i was whole. complete. for the first time in my life, that gaping hole in my life was filled. the feeling was better then any drug. i was happy to sit there, doing nothing, with her close by my side, with not one care or thouht about drugs. i just didnt care. basically, a week ago, he told me i had to move out because he said that wherever i am she is, and wherever she is i am. he told me sensed that there was pretty strong feelings between us two, and that it hurt him because he could see it was real. he told me to leave so he could try and make her happy and sort things out for his child. i respected this and left. i cant handle this. ive used drugs every day since. i saw her once two days ago at my mates 21st party, we just saw each and talked with our eyes again. this time instead of saying, i like you, you're awesome, our eyes were saying, why cant i just have you forever, i miss you so much. its been so hard mainly because for a short time there, i felt as though i may finally feel good and be content and whole. having to accept the fact i can take the chance with it, is killing me. a chance at happiness and drug free life for once in my life, of being loved, is just way too hard for me to let go of. all is said to her at the party was, i love you. she said to me.."F.I.M.U", i asked her what this meant, she said i had to figure it out myself. i couldnt, i saw her leaving on her own, he had already left, i walked to the door, i asked her again what F.I.M.U meant, she leant towards me, kissed my lips gently, she leant around and kissed my ear so gently, and whispered...f*** i miss u. i grabbed her hand kissed her forehead, and she smiled and slowly back away. our fingers, once locked, slowly slipped away from each others until all that was connected was the tips of our fingers. her dark sillohette disappeard into the distance. that sounds like crap out of a movie, but thats exactly how it is. every time i see her smile, her eyes , her body, her hair. it kills me. everytime i see her i feel stronger for her. and she feels the same for me. it just cant happen because if she left him hed know it would be because of me, he would do somehting stupid to both of us so shes scared to leave him. id probly lose all my mates for f***ing over their best mates family. what do i do. do i do my best to get over it. do i wait for her. do i try just be friends with her. this has ruined me. alone and messed up again. if you actually bothered to read that long story, i would like to say thankyou, any advice would be hugely appreciated. take care. Chop.
scarletletter Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I read the story and you are probably not going to like my advise but here it is anyway. First of all, you need to take care of yourself and your drug addiction. You cannot expect anyone else to care for you until you take care of yourself. Even if you did get this girl, the temptation of drug use would still be there when times get tough, etc. I would suggest that she do the same thing. Now here's the hard part, if she wants to leave this man, she will. Child or no child, physical abuse is not to be tolerated by any woman or man. You and several others are witnesses to this. All she would have to do is take the child and get a restraining order on this guy. She needs to press charges when he does this sort of thing. She should have taken pictures of her bruises, etc. When and if it ever went to court, no judge is going to let an abuser have custody of a child. She needs to make sure this is what she wants and just do it. If she has the support of family and friends it will make it alot easier. It is a tough thing to do, but if she stays in this relationship she could be very injured or worse. If I were you, just from what I read, I would clean up my act...make sure she has cleaned up her act...and go to the next step of getting her and her child to a safe place. Maybe not the best idea to jump right into another relationship immediately. She needs to think of herself and her child first. After she has done all of this and you have been her friend throughout it all....I think all the pieces will fall into place. Drugs are not the answer to relieve pain or a broken heart...its just going to make it worse. Straighten up your act and be there for her when and if she needs you. Be a friend first...she will need that. That is IF you can talk her into leaving this horribal man. If not, then she will need alot of luck, and you should stear clear. Good luck to you.
Craig Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 She's in a bad situation right now and frankly, so are you with your addiction(s). The worst possible thing to do would be considering any kind of a relationship while she is with him and/or you are using. Here's why. In her state of mind nearly anyone else is going to look better than the man she is with so her attraction to you may not be that strong or real and may be caused by being hungry for affection. You may or may not be a great guy but you can't tell if she is into you more than she is not into him. Because you're using it is impossible to think clearly about your future. Don't take my word for it just ask any recovering addict that has been clean for some time. My advice is tell her that you need to get yourself clean, stop using and then after you have been sober for a while and if she has made a decision not to be with her abusive boyfriend and done some healing herself, then and only then would it be ok to consider a long term relationship with her. In the meantime keep your distance romantically from her. Let her know that she needs to work out her relationship issues (separate from you) and you need to work out your drug issues (separate from her) and then maybe something can happen between the two of you. Remember if the love is real, if it's meant to be, if it's forever then this time apart will not have any effect on the outcome of the future relationship. On the other hand there is a good chance that as you become sober/clean and she heals from the abuse you both will find that you have less in common than you think. Life is like a baby's diaper. Most of the time it's too short and all to often filled with s***.
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