Bryanp Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 On another message board today I found this story. It was about a married man who found out that in the 10 years he has been married - his wife has had 17 thats right 17 separate sexual affairs on him. He also found out that one of his two children comes from one of her past lovers. He says how he still loves her and is begging for her to continue counseling with him. She says she does not love him or want to be with him and he is crazy for loving her. Today he was so happy because she allowed him to hug her for a few seconds which is the maximum of intimacy he has been allowed. I just found this so sad. This is one of the destructiveness of affairs. It has totally destroyed this poor man's self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. Here this woman put him at risk for so many STD's and he still wants to be with her. I think he is one of the walking wounded. I just feel so sad that he is willing to accept such humiliation in his life. He deserves better. Does anyone have any thoughts. His letter just broke my heart.
climbergirl Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 This is just his initial response to having his ego blown out of the water. If she has any heart, she won't give him any hope of a reconcilliation and totally cut him loose. He will then grieve, accept and heal-eventually finding a woman who loves him like he deserves to be loved. Something similar happened to my dad a few years back. My mom had a long standing affair and my younger sister (she's 32) is a result of that affair. No one knew, no one had a clue. My dad was obviously devastated and it broke my heart to see him so lost. 3 years later he is so happy, so in love and now engaged to a woman who treats him very, very well. There can be happy endings.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Been there, done that. Almost exactly the same, but maybe not quite that many OMs. And yes, for the first while, I DID want to try again with her -- with the same person who'd completely betrayed my trust, taken several years of my life and emotionally wasted them, and shown me more disrespect than anybody else on earth. And that from the one person in my life who'd stood up in front of friends and family and pledged loyalty. In retrospect, it's completely sick, wanting to be with that person in spite of everything. But in the betrayed's weakened state post-D-Day, we just want the immediate agony to stop. We're flailing about, trying to find something solid and stable from the now-revealed-as-fantasy past life to hang on to. And there's nothing to hang on to. To an outside observer, it must look pretty pathetic. In my case, XW strung me along for several months -- we separated because she didn't want to reconcile anymore, and then within weeks she asked me back, twice. I declined, but then asked her again a week later. This time SHE declined. And asked me back a month later! It's been two and a half years since we split and we're now divorced. And I'm still working on overcoming the burning anger and hate I feel towards her from time to time.
Trimmer Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Yep, sounds like me, too. I would have done anything to make it work, and then I eventually got my self-respect back. My W was cold enough/kind enough not to give me any false hope... must remember to thank her for that some day.
Jessie61 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 On another message board today I found this story. It was about a married man who found out that in the 10 years he has been married - his wife has had 17 thats right 17 separate sexual affairs on him. He also found out that one of his two children comes from one of her past lovers. He says how he still loves her and is begging for her to continue counseling with him. She says she does not love him or want to be with him and he is crazy for loving her. Today he was so happy because she allowed him to hug her for a few seconds which is the maximum of intimacy he has been allowed. I just found this so sad. This is one of the destructiveness of affairs. It has totally destroyed this poor man's self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. Here this woman put him at risk for so many STD's and he still wants to be with her. I think he is one of the walking wounded. I just feel so sad that he is willing to accept such humiliation in his life. He deserves better. Does anyone have any thoughts. His letter just broke my heart. Yes, of course this story is incredibly sad! It is hard to even imagine what it would be like to be the H. But it would be even worse if it continued like that! If she really doesn't want to be with him - and 17 lovers tend to suggest it - then they should just split. Yes, it would be devastating for him initially, but probably much much kinder in the long run? Staying married seems on the face of it to be a complete waste of time and emotion. If divorced, he would have a chance to move on, regain his self respect etc AND find happiness with someone else who treats him with respect and love, something that was seriously lacking in the marriage. Nobody should have to live like that!
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