UT_longhorn Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 i can't accept that the relationship is over. i keep on holding on to hope. she hasn't ever really tried to contact me in the 4 months that we've been apart. last contat was 2 months ago...initiated by me on chat. it was friendly but a little awkward. is it natural for me to still be feeling this way after 4 months? Somedays are ok, some days like today are completely horrible. Someone please talk to me in common sense language.
KittenMoon Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 she hasn't ever really tried to contact me in the 4 months that we've been apart. I know how lousy you feel- heck, most of us do here, but look what you said. This should say it all. Sorry to be blunt.
tikigods Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I think thats its okay to still feel this way after a time, but you will have to accept that it is over. She hasn't contacted you, or made any effort in doing so, you need to really finally let yourself know that she has move on and its time that you do the same thing, till then you are going to keep driving yourself crazy.
NTB Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 dude your going to feel like this for a while. just hang in there go out try and have some fun and sooner or later you'll start feeling better. i know easier said then done but it will happen for you, and don't contact her it will just be harder to move on
witabix Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Hang in there UT, its just another wobble on the road. You kept my chin up in the past, remember your own advice man. Be strong, you will come through this. You know you will. Its ok to feel weak sometimes, just don't give in to it. Strength my friend.
KittenMoon Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I feel bad for being so blunt... Hang on man and be strong. I'll be where you are in, oh, about 6 weeks.
Author UT_longhorn Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 thanks for all your replies. its been an incredibly hard few days and i can't believe i feel so hurt and sad even after 4 months. i guess i have a long way to go. it's still so very tempting to pick up the phone and call her. i miss her so deeply. what kinds of timeframes of healing have you guys experienced?
sick of it Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 im going on a year after a 5.5 yr relationship. i still get tempted despite her moving completely on. i still have some bad days. dont dwell, dont wait...and dont give in. 2 months of NC is great keep it going.
NTB Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 what kinds of timeframes of healing have you guys experienced? it all depends on you and how much of yourself you invested in the relationship. move on and don't look back keep yourself busy, it's hard and it will get harder but just keep looking forward. oh and when she calls to see how are you doing don't even flinch don't call back or listen to voicemails delete delete delete. freakin X's always wanna resurface just when you have it all back together
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 If it makes you feel better, which I'm sure It wont, It's been 8 months for me and I'm still feeling pretty lousy every now and than I meen not much changes in that span of time, It takes so much time man, were all different but If you really loved some one, to truly get over that person could take over two years, I think you stop loving them when someone else comes along, not rebound but your next love hang in there
riobikini Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 UT, re: " i can't accept that the relationship is over." A lot of folks still cling to the hope, UT. I think those who choose to keep the fire burning for their ex's 'just in case', tho, are the ones who stay mired much, much longer. The "I can't accept it's over" statement is one that is heard all over this board, but I've read it here more frequently, with those who keep the door cracked just a little, waiting, hoping for the return of the ex....and who actually pray for it, seek it through active direct or indirect means, and who can almost envision their ex back where he/she 'belongs'. I believe posters are right, though, who say there is no time-table written in stone, except, of course- when you reach an obvious point where it is clear for anyone to see that the overall quality of your life has deteriorated. Here are some things you might look for to help figure out if some things aren't looking/feeling so 'normal': you cannot function productively/coherently in your workplace and miss more work than usual, you cannot carry out basic, routine tasks of daily living (or just don't want to, nor feel like it), you've lost/gained alot of weight, you avoid every opportunity for 'people contact', you cannot seem to 'shake' the acute 'dark' and lonely feeling, and/or you become depressed to such a state you want to harm yourself, you are caught up in constant and more emphatic, seemingly realistic delusions regarding the ex's return. UT, if any of those things I've named above, came and *stayed*, you might want to get professional help, especially with the self-violent depression. Sidebar: I remember you asking months back on the board something about whether or not anyone had any religious or spiritual experiences or had sought God during his/her breakup. I recently had a convo with someone where this subject came up. As for my thinking on it, - spirituality/religion is as much an individual thing as who you choose as your spouse, but I doubt that with the emotions still being so unreliable during breakup whether a spiritual experience in the wake of that would carry as much weight as the relationship that had just been broken, considering they came from the same hormone-driven, emotionally-vulnerable person. Though I'm doubtful of the reliability of those experiences, who am I (or anyone) to say they absolutely can't/don't happen? (-nor would I.) Back on track: Four months may just not be enough for you on your own individual timetable (also considering things going on with you that we aren't privy to).... Take care. -Rio
Author UT_longhorn Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 rio, thanks for your post. i guess i've just never experienced this type of heart break before in my life so im just confused on what to expect. reading other people's posts have helped some but its just been pretty difficult. i am able to function decently normally in terms of sleep/eating/working/socializing, but its just the crazy up and down feelings that i get that are really hurting. that letting go part...it really is damn difficult. im trying to get to the point where even if she asked me back, i wouldn't have it. i know its a combination of mental as well as time. im just trying very hard to let go.
Spitkicker Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive, but with her not trying to contact you could actually be a great thing. If she doesn't try to contact you, it should hopefully make things easier for you to move on. A couple of us, including myself, want to be able to move on, but can't because the ex tries to stay in the picture, but not get back together type of thing. give it some time... you'll feel a lot better. The best advice I can give you is... better yourself and become a success. I used that for motivation and my ex can't believe how good i'm doing. I hope you feel better.
TravelLight Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Speaking from recent experience... I contacted my ex after about 7 months. I think I really I did know it was over but the possibility always entertained me that 'No Contact' may have given her time to rethink. This is why NC comes with the manufacturers warning "It is a tool to let you heal, not to get back with your ex". The outcome was that she was uttlerly cold with me again and said that she would not reply if I tried to contact her. For me, this bought about a weekend of utter turmoil. I was so low I was dysfunctional. It was interesting because it made me realise a huge contrast in the way I had been feeling. In a way I was glad I contacted her because it did two things for me. One, it made me realise that any notion I had of NC as some form of influence over her was dispelled. I was no longer counting off the days till I contacted her again. Two, I realised anyone who couldn't formulate any kind of decency towards me after that amount of time is not worth knowing. Screw her. It is something else to come to terms with in the sense that I will probably not see that person ever again in my life. But that women doesn't exist for me anymore. The focus is with me now. And I will be writing some personal thanks to some people on this board for getting me through it (though I'm not sure if I am totally over it so stick with me if I lapse ).
riobikini Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 UT re: " i am able to function decently normally in terms of sleep/eating/working/socializing, but its just the crazy up and down feelings that i get that are really hurting." UT, those "up and down" feelings need to be looked at...it may not be anything, -but then, too, -it may be that you need help with that. See a doctor. -Rio
trone Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 UT, For me it has been 7 months, I had ups and downs and I still do. There were several days which I thought I am getting over her but there are times where I can't think anything else but her. But I started to believe that what I am missing is not actually her. I am missing being with someone. I believe ,there are two main factors which are making our exs invaluable in our thoughts: 1. Loneliness 2. Not be able to have the last say on our relationships (they ended it without us being able to do much) Couple weeks ag, I was so far away from even thinking about a new relationship but now I think that loneliness is making me thinking about her. I am sure I will have ups and downs in coming days but I also seeing a progress which is making me happy. We will all move on, just think about your previous painful beakup. Nothing is unforgettable
In Sync Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Hang in ther UT, breaking NC won't accomplish anything other than what you already know deep down. Trust me. If 4 months have past by you've both moved in different directions. Even if you did call her, what would you say? What would you expect her to say now? All this pain in refusiing to accept that our relationships are over are lessons. We are meant to learn to fight to get past it. And not succumb to what we think we can't handle. You'll always have our support on LS.
lovelorcet Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 I can only speak for my self but I have really learned that making contact is like standing there with your legs wide open and saying Ok, you can kick me in the nuts now... I'd like to have kids someday so I have decided to protect them
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