Phone Etiquette

[Moai]

I have a friend who loves to talk on the phone. I get calls four to five times a day sometimes. I am not a big phone guy.

 

Most times I let voice mail take the call, and then listen immediately, so if it is important I can call back pronto, but if it is a "hey, checking in" call, I don't. Everyone else who calls is asking me to do something or has a question to ask, or some pressing reason to call, or so it seems.

 

I'll sometimes wait for a few days and a few calls before I return the call, or answer. Answering is becoming a chore.

 

Am I being rude? I don't have to answer the phone unless I want to, right?

 

The worst part is, I get questions like, "where have you been? Why didn't you call me?" when I eventually do. I don't want to say the truth--i.e."Because I didn't want to talk to you"--because this person is ok otherwise and I definitely don't want to be mean.

 

The whole thing is making me hate my cell phone. And what's worse is it is my work phone, so I have to have it on me 24/7. Ugh.

[JackJack]

Thank goodness for caller ID. I have the same kind of problem with a particular buddy of mine. Not only does he bug the crap out of me on the cell but my house phone too. Usually when I see him calling either on the cell or house phone I will let the voice mail get it. He usually calls just to shoot the sh*t, not that theres anything wrong with it, and its ok sometimes, but he does it alot. I'm not luch on talking on the phone either, and personally in my buddys situation I think its because he needs to get a life. Rude of me to say maybe? But true.

[blind_otter]

You can answer the phone whenever you f***ing feel like it. And people who are calling you should just accept it. What is the point of getting pissy about someone who doesn't want to answer the phone? They should stop calling so much, or alternatively buy a clue.

 

I hate phones. I use them, but I hate them. I got rid of my cellphone, and now it's escalated to me getting rid of my answering machine. I threw it onto the ground and stomped on it a la office space.

 

You could always say, I hate using the phone this often, could you please restrict your calls to emergencies and whenever we are setting up a meeting or hanging out?

[Adunaphel]

I agree that everyone is entitled to answer the phone whenever he feels like it.

You don't have to answer phone calls, unless you already know they are calling for some important reason.

I think the way you are using voice mail is fine.

 

I suggest, though, that you inform your friend that you often do not answer the phone for various reasons, and that you generally are not much of a phone person.

 

Tell him that you usually leave voice mail on, and that while you'll call back him right away if it's something important, or if he needs anything, or if you have to make plans, you usually don't return most of "hi, just checking in" calls because you are unconfortable talking on the phone and prefer talking to people in person.

 

This way you should spare yourself some stress.

 

Oh, after telling him this, ask him if he'd like to join you for a beer or a coffe that evening or one of the following days.

It helps people to understand that "it's not they, it's the phone".

[bab]

I agree that you don't have to answer the phone. I no longer have a home phone, but when I did I only gave my cell to a couple people, and usually used it if I needed to call somone. Maybe you could do the same.

 

On the other hand, I don't think people should have to call you multiple times for you to call them back. Proper phone etiquette would be to return their call within 24 hours if at all possible. Just your chatty friends know that you aren't a phone person and you prefer in person conversations. You should tell them this while you are in person, not over the phone which could seem rude.

[Moai]

I am tempted to say this:

 

While I appreciate that you are fond enough of me to want to talk many time throughout the day, I don't feel the same way. Nothing I have to say to you seems important enough to make a phone call about. I would be content to save it all up and catch up in person.

 

I know that keeping in touch is important to you, but I chatting about nothing several times a day doesn't feel like "keeping in touch" to me. It actually makes me feel like either your brother, a gay man, or a female friend of yours, and I am none of those things [the person in question is a woman].

 

How about this: We limit our contact to major holidays and birthdays, and at those times we can chat for a few minutes and let each other know that everything is fine. Is that reasonable?

 

 

 

That isn't mean, is it?

[bab]

I am tempted to say this:

 

While I appreciate that you are fond enough of me to want to talk many time throughout the day, I don't feel the same way. Nothing I have to say to you seems important enough to make a phone call about. I would be content to save it all up and catch up in person.

 

I know that keeping in touch is important to you, but I chatting about nothing several times a day doesn't feel like "keeping in touch" to me. It actually makes me feel like either your brother, a gay man, or a female friend of yours, and I am none of those things [the person in question is a woman].

 

How about this: We limit our contact to major holidays and birthdays, and at those times we can chat for a few minutes and let each other know that everything is fine. Is that reasonable?

 

 

 

That isn't mean, is it?

 

 

I'm guessing this person isn't someone you see on a regular basis?

[ImWithHim]

I've got a good friend that does that. And always calls at the worst possible times (though I don't have the heart to be rude, so I just tell her the time is fine and yes I can talk). I've gotten to the point of hating hearing the phone ring.

 

Most people know to leave a message because I screen my calls, so if it's not important they usually don't. I do however try to call back within the day when I have a chance. I enjoy talking on the cell because I'm usually driving somewhere and have time to talk (yeah, terrible american cell phone driver!). I hate talking on the phone when I'm at home. There is so much else I'd rather be doing.

[Moai]

I'm guessing this person isn't someone you see on a regular basis?

 

You're right. Although it's funny, last week she called twice and asked me to do something. Funny how that happened after I wrote this (she doesn't have a computer so she hasn't seen this, I'm sure.) I screened the calls like always, so I didn't know that until way later when I listened to the messages, which made me feel a little bad. But oh well, she isn't my girlfriend and never will be, so big whup.