SHortyAnGel Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 ill be very honest... i love my MM... it has been about around 2 years now & well still no change. Fair enough him leaving his wife has not been discussed to a great extent. however me & MM have this stupid game of "what if" & basically you have 5 sec to answer a question of any nature.. so that its the first response, first thought ( can be very dangerous)... Anyways ONe of the questions asked that stuck to my mind was from MM " what would your parents say if they found out that you were in love w/ a guy that had a kid & D ?" My quick response was " they will be fine w/ it.. it wouldnt matter to me" I dont think that he knew that even b4 this EA started that i have already thought of that. i knew that ILL be fine w/ a child( he has a 5yr old child), as i am now helping my brother raise his son since the age of 10mnth. let just call it a motherly trait... ( heh!) I was reluctant to even to get to know MM before anything as i know that i would fall... as i have always been attracted to him BUT 1. I never knew he was married until i saw him w/ his wife & was told by a friend. 2.we never talked until we HAD to work together 3.I have always thought he was vain which a trait i do not find appealing.. ANyways fate stepped in & made us work together & which case oviously got to know each other alittle better. Just like other post here MM was the one doing everything.. i was too scared as i was an innocent girl ( in all aspects) & didnt know basically what love was... or what it was like to get hurt. After talking & joking around at work he asked for my number... saying that he was gonna send me a "logo" thing on my phone. i refused. MM inturn got my number frm a mutal friend. he called me that night. he than proceeded to call me every couple of nights OUTSIDE of work hours, basically when the W is not around. it got to the extent i told him i felt bad & it came to fact that i was crying @ night not knowing what my emotions were & if he was for real. He than did all he can to prove it... 1. buying me things for valentines w/ a copy of my fav movie & song lyrics of OUR song 2.brought me another number as i refused to change my number ( i still kept my number BUT only uused the one he gave on free time) 3.took days off @ the time i got days off so we can spend the day together 4. calling me wen i was o/s 5.meeting up w/ me for 5mins just to tell me he loves me 6. calling me to reassure me on his anniversary when W planned a weekend away w/ his cuzzin & him. ( not very romantic) I remember while i was o/s i was thinking about our situation.. i was happy w/ him BUT not the situation... after not hearing from him for abt a couple of days.. i wanted to test him. I txt him saying" I feel that things are changing & that its getting hard.. i dont feel like i am of any imprtance to him & is only used for his sparetime. i need to know what you want from me .. or if you want everything to remain the same upon my return ill give until 5pm to get back to me" ( let say i was in pins & needles the whole day) he replied EXACTLY @ 5pm saying " please dont think like that, I miss u heaps, i cant wait to see you.. be careful & i do want something from there & that is you.. love you" ( i didnt reply.. i was too annoyed w/ him) late that night i get another txt from MM " Hi, Miss you... just letting you know im going to sleep now... i cant waiting to see you... im counting the days.. mwah mwah.." ( i didnt reply) In the morning like 5am i get ANOTHER txt msg " Hi, Miss U please call me...." I finally did... later on.... MM & I have been caught by W & confronted by phone bills..I didnt say anything... the scary thing is that all three of us were facing eachother MM looking like a little boy & W telling him off in front of me... after all the crap i went through i would NEVER down grade anyone like that... considering that ONE of the main reason they got together in the first place was that she got preggy. & yes he did stick up for me when she start attacking me... i was just sitting there basically thinking... I SO DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!... but thats life... i didnt hear from him for the next 3 mnths ( well i did get a call on bday, but that doesnt count)... within this time i have moved jobs & changed phone number... he called me on the work fone..( to date i dont know how he got it) Not once have i told him to leave his W, even after he was talking abt it he would say " even if he does something. how does he know it would work b/w us".. i just looked @ him & said you dont... What i need to know.. IF a MM got caught, what reason would they come back?... & how can i test him to ensure that he back for the right reasons? Will NC let me know?
Sami_D Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Hmmm... what would 'the right reasons' be? In my mind, only that he has left his W and wants a future with you. I don't like the sound of this man... he's pursued you all the way, and he's found ways to contact you and... so WHAT if you play a game about 'what ifs'... what ifs are just that... nothing to do with reality. Are you really in love with him? You really need to walk away from this.
officespace Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Hmmm... what would 'the right reasons' be? In my mind, only that he has left his W and wants a future with you. I don't like the sound of this man... he's pursued you all the way, and he's found ways to contact you and... so WHAT if you play a game about 'what ifs'... what ifs are just that... nothing to do with reality. Are you really in love with him? You really need to walk away from this. You know, the more I read these posts, the more clear and simple it ALL really becomes. They either leave and do what it takes to be with you free and clear, or they DON't. All this crap about the kids, finances, guilt over the W, holidays, etc.....It's so redundant. It's a bunch of excuses. I mean, think about it.....if I (or you) were with someone who I no longer loved, couldn't stand being around.....nothing would stop me for making the changes necessarry to get away from that person. Nothing. Just like nothing would have stopped me for doing whatever it took to be with my ex. He just wasn't willing to do the same for me. Walk away. I swear, from what I have read on here, the chances of ever ending up with one of these MM is similar to winning the lotto. It RARELY ever happens. And that what if s***? That's so mean to lead you on. My ex did the same. What if the first time we had sex was our honeymoon? What if we have a baby together? What if we got married and we end up with the same initials? blah, blah, blah........ RUN!
movinon05 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 You know, the more I read these posts, the more clear and simple it ALL really becomes. They either leave and do what it takes to be with you free and clear, or they DON't. All this crap about the kids, finances, guilt over the W, holidays, etc.....It's so redundant. It's a bunch of excuses. I mean, think about it.....if I (or you) were with someone who I no longer loved, couldn't stand being around.....nothing would stop me for making the changes necessarry to get away from that person. Nothing. Just like nothing would have stopped me for doing whatever it took to be with my ex. He just wasn't willing to do the same for me. Walk away. I swear, from what I have read on here, the chances of ever ending up with one of these MM is similar to winning the lotto. It RARELY ever happens. And that what if s***? That's so mean to lead you on. My ex did the same. What if the first time we had sex was our honeymoon? What if we have a baby together? What if we got married and we end up with the same initials? blah, blah, blah........ RUN! I agree wholeheartedly. The posts today are really sad and have me feeling sad for them. Its so obvious the MM do not have a clue what they put us through. What man would stand for us doing this to him? I know my exMM wouldn't have. He demanded everything of me, promised me the moon, and lost nothing. Actually, I take that back. He lost me. And when he lost me, I found me. NC will tell you everything you need to know to go forward. Stop thinking about whether he will come back and focus on yourself. Damn selfish pricks. Boy is my mood turning foul!! lol
Jessie61 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 You know, the more I read these posts, the more clear and simple it ALL really becomes. They either leave and do what it takes to be with you free and clear, or they DON't. quote] Officespace, You are dead right! They do it, or they don't. End of story.
Jessie61 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 NC will tell you everything you need to know to go forward. Stop thinking about whether he will come back and focus on yourself. Damn selfish pricks. Boy is my mood turning foul!! lol Movinon05, That's EXACTLY how I feel this morning.... Mind you, your post actually did make me giggle!
movinon05 Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Movinon05, That's EXACTLY how I feel this morning.... Mind you, your post actually did make me giggle! Me too. Sort of! I'm over a year out of my A and I find myself reliving the pain you OWs are going through - the waiting, etc. Remembering what it was like. I feel the anxiety and loneliness for you guys. I'm so glad not to be living it anymore.
lovernotafighter Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 Me too. Sort of! I'm over a year out of my A and I find myself reliving the pain you OWs are going through - the waiting, etc. Remembering what it was like. I feel the anxiety and loneliness for you guys. I'm so glad not to be living it anymore.you know I just woke up reading this stuff and feel exactly the same as you gals! men really are something aren't they? makes me think there a bunch of little boys to afraid to do what makes them happy cause they might get scolded by mom..pfft I need a man not a child:sick: shortyangel: read some of our story's they are all so much a like it's creepy. I do believe you have your answer...MM's only respond to No Contact...heres the deal..they either A) s*** or B) get off the pot. I have a crappy analogy (pun intened) I know..but it's the truth..
Author SHortyAnGel Posted April 27, 2006 Author Posted April 27, 2006 MM just called me... He natually asked me what i was up to tonite.. being Friday nite & all... ( btw his is @ home w/ the W using the cordless)...i started to plant a little seed that an old flame of mine return.. MM knows that me & this SG were VERY close in doing all aspects in a R. & was abit scared that i was gonna leave him. AS MM knows that IF i sleep w/ someone.. it means i love them... MM was my first in all departments.. Anyways.. i just told him this morning that i was seeing SG again ( although its not true).. MM started to question what i have done in the sexual departments which body parts i have allowed him to touch.. i simply said that i was that kind of girl....MM knows that the reason that me & SG broke it off b4 was that i refused to take the R to the next level & i started feeling pressured... i just stayed quiet... letting him think of the answers himself... wasnt in the mood to comfort him... we talk for abt another 15 mins & he ended the convo w/ " DONT DO WHAT I DONT DO"... i didnt say anything.. do you guys think i have made a bad choice by lying to my MM?
movinon05 Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 MM just called me... He natually asked me what i was up to tonite.. being Friday nite & all... ( btw his is @ home w/ the W using the cordless)...i started to plant a little seed that an old flame of mine return.. MM knows that me & this SG were VERY close in doing all aspects in a R. & was abit scared that i was gonna leave him. AS MM knows that IF i sleep w/ someone.. it means i love them... MM was my first in all departments.. Anyways.. i just told him this morning that i was seeing SG again ( although its not true).. MM started to question what i have done in the sexual departments which body parts i have allowed him to touch.. i simply said that i was that kind of girl....MM knows that the reason that me & SG broke it off b4 was that i refused to take the R to the next level & i started feeling pressured... i just stayed quiet... letting him think of the answers himself... wasnt in the mood to comfort him... we talk for abt another 15 mins & he ended the convo w/ " DONT DO WHAT I DONT DO"... i didnt say anything.. do you guys think i have made a bad choice by lying to my MM? First of all, I had to go back and read through your post. It doesn't sound like he has any intention of leaving his W. It sounds like he's stringing you along. You have not said that he has made any "decision" FWIW that he will leave. Then you have that last conversation? "Don't do what I don't do"???? Is he trying to say he's not done anything with his wife? Has he ever told you that? Does he have the right to tell you what to do when he is married and you are not? Who is running the show? Obviously him. What if you said to him - "I am not married. You need to not be married to be with me." Do you really think he's going to say, "Ok, this is your show." NO. It's his show. He's running the plays. The long and the short of it, you went into NC whether reluctantly or not. What you do with whomever you do it with (whether its true or not) is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!! He is married, you are not. If he is not making any efforts to even say that somewhere down the line he plans on being with you forever, then he has no right to expect you to live in limbo for the rest of your life just to please him. However, I cannot tell from your posts if you want to walk away or not. Or if you are in NC. Or what has really transpired between the two of you for the last few years. Bottom line - don't let him push you around. He's not thinking about you. He's thinking about his own ego.
Jessie61 Posted April 28, 2006 Posted April 28, 2006 The long and the short of it, you went into NC whether reluctantly or not. What you do with whomever you do it with (whether its true or not) is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!! He is married, you are not. If he is not making any efforts to even say that somewhere down the line he plans on being with you forever, then he has no right to expect you to live in limbo for the rest of your life just to please him. However, I cannot tell from your posts if you want to walk away or not. Or if you are in NC. Or what has really transpired between the two of you for the last few years. Bottom line - don't let him push you around. He's not thinking about you. He's thinking about his own ego. I agree here. Instead of lying to MM about seeing someone else, I think you should ACTUALLY do it! So what if MM doesn't like it??? His problem!
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