crashandburnoox Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Why does my boyfriend want to stay a virgin?! Is it me?..I don't know if he knows i'm not a virgin, so maybe he is intimidated? He knows i have more experience, because he's never had a serious girlfriend before. He was the ultimate prude-virgin before i whipped him into shape! We've done eveything except sex and i want to, but he told me strait up that hes not ready for sex. WHY?! i thought every guy was up for sex!!!
westernxer Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Maybe he wants it to be special. I can't say this without laughing my ass off.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Maybe hes using that as an excuse because he just doesn't want to have sex with YOU no jp! haha It really is hard to take this thread serious just because I can't talk about a guy in a sympathetic way, I am just not used to it but don't push him if he doesn't want to, take it slow!!! gradually lol
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 If he wanted to be a virgin before he met you and now you two are together and he still wants to remain a virgin, it's NOT you. This is HIS choice. Reverse the situation, k. YOU are the virgin and he isn't. You want to stay a virgin and your boyfriend is abit upset about it as you two have done everything but the big deed... So, wouldn't you want your bf to respect your decision? To wait for the right time? With that being said, apply that same logic into your situation now. Hope this makes sense to you.
Author crashandburnoox Posted April 24, 2006 Author Posted April 24, 2006 PLEASEEEE give me good advice! this is affecting MY self esteem because i dont know if im just not "good" or "special" enough for him. before we we were dating he said he wanted his first blowjob to be special and he let me give do that, so why am i not special enough for sex? he's a shy guy, and im kind of scared to ask him becasue i dont know what his reaction will be. this sounds funny, and obviously amusing as the previous repliers have expressed, but its a matter thats really important to me and i need some answers!
emmaUK Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 maybe you blew him away so badly with your BJ skills that he's scared he might not blow you away with his d**k action. he prob just worried and wants to wait till he feels really comfortbale with you just in case something does mess up on his first time. maybe he wants to know that things are serious for real b4 he gives it up for you. have you asked him what he is waiting for b4 he does the deed & when will he know when the right time is?
KittenMoon Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 PLEASEEEE give me good advice! this is affecting MY self esteem because i dont know if im just not "good" or "special" enough for him. before we we were dating he said he wanted his first blowjob to be special and he let me give do that, so why am i not special enough for sex? he's a shy guy, and im kind of scared to ask him becasue i dont know what his reaction will be. this sounds funny, and obviously amusing as the previous repliers have expressed, but its a matter thats really important to me and i need some answers! Chill sweetie. My ex wasn't comfortable with sex for a long time- we waited a year and a half into our relationship before we decided to do it, first because of his discomfort, then because of mine. (although, this was simply intercourse, everything else was fair game) And I'm guessing from your posts we were older than you too. But I have to say, that almost as soon as I accepted it and told him I would wait until he was ready, he was ready pretty quick (within a few months). If you love him, accept his decision, he'll come around.
catgirl1927 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Maybe it isn't all about you. Maybe he's made a decision on his own. I think reversing the situation (girl hestitant to have sex for the first time) is a good idea.
kitten chick Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I was in a similar situation when I was a late teen, except we were both virgins. I was ready and he wasn't, an incredibly shy and anxious guy, but we didn't really openly discuss it. Everyone says to turn it around as if it was the girl that didn't want to have sex and while there is some merit to that it doesn't really work that way. Because we are taught by society that guys are supposed to want sex, it becomes a reflection on ourselves. It's much more widely accepted for a female to need to wait to have sex. I wasn't very smart or mature at that time and I just dumped him. Not one of my finest moments I'll admit. I never really had an open discussion with him about it. I didn't have the maturity or depth at that age to understand what I was feeling or how to express it properly much less understand what he was feeling. If I could do it all over again knowing then what I know now I would have a cool and calm conversation and just try to ask him questions to understand what was going through his head better. Understand that it's not you. That relationship was pretty damaging to me, I thought all of the same things that you did, that it must have been me or my fault. It took me a really long time to realize that it wasn't. It was him and the dynamic of the relationship. He sounds like a very sensitive guy and you're just going to have to respect that. I hear over and over again how socially anxious and/or shy guys feel awful about how they make their girlfriends feel. I'm sure he doesn't want his actions to make you feel bad about yourself but I think you should be discussing these things with him. Open the lines of communication and let him know how you're feeling about these things.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I've been that guy and I agree with the advice given by WWIU and the assortment of feline women Taking it slowly is an indicator that he looks before he leaps. I'd say he probably respects you more, not less, and is likely to take commitment seriously. Or would you prefer a jerk who slept around and didn't care? Talk to him in a calm setting. Clear the air. No guarantees, but I suspect you'll like what you hear.
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 PLEASEEEE give me good advice! this is affecting MY self esteem because i dont know if im just not "good" or "special" enough for him. before we we were dating he said he wanted his first blowjob to be special and he let me give do that, so why am i not special enough for sex? he's a shy guy, and im kind of scared to ask him becasue i dont know what his reaction will be. this sounds funny, and obviously amusing as the previous repliers have expressed, but its a matter thats really important to me and i need some answers! Here is my reply again, incase you missed it... If he wanted to be a virgin before he met you and now you two are together and he still wants to remain a virgin, it's NOT you. This is HIS choice. Reverse the situation, k. YOU are the virgin and he isn't. You want to stay a virgin and your boyfriend is abit upset about it as you two have done everything but the big deed... So, wouldn't you want your bf to respect your decision? To wait for the right time? With that being said, apply that same logic into your situation now. Hope this makes sense to you. And I will add this, you freaking out isn't helping you or him. Relax. Enjoy eachothers company. Fool around, and have fun for a while like that. If he hasn't had sex yet and he is shy, let him get comfortable first. I'm sure you wanted to be ready when you lost your virginity, right? SO, allow him this time to be 'ready'. This isn't about you, this is about him and his comfort level sexually. The more you push it, the more he'll clam up and NOT want to have sex. Just relax! Respect him for his choice. And, honestly, you also need to work your self esteem. He is your boyfriend and is with you, so that says something. Trust him, and just know when the time is right, YOU will be the one he'll be having sex with. Oh, and just ignore SuperMonk's advice. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Once again, another reply that isn't helpful at all...
ms_jnj Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 The dude is gay. This is a possibility, as much as no one wants to think about it...stranger things have happened, trust me. Honey, you need to talk to HIM about it, hard as that is, because no one here can tell you what's going on inside his head. Good luck.
mental_traveller Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 Maybe he believes in waiting until he's sure before having sex with you?? Just a thought. The double standard here is hilarious, if this was a woman holding out on her virgiity, the women here would be all over the guy calling him a pig. But because its a guy, oh he must be gay, or some other silly reason.
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