TheTallOne Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now.... The chemistry/attraction is very much there.. (so much that she and I actually have had to back down on the sexual teasing because we were becoming so frusturated). I put a mental mind set to hold off on sex (that is home base) for atleast three months.. she on the other hand has no time table and will go with how it goes. We're in somewhat of an agreement that everything up until home base is fair game... My problem is, finding an area/time that we're alone in order to push the envelope, if you will. She is generally very shy/nervous (or seems to be..) and I keep on having to take the lead on things. I mean.. I had to kiss first (and it was a peck from her, not a real kiss).. I then had to progress it to a real smooch. She started the french bit though, which I find awesome. She had a history of being "used" for sex by her last ex.. he was her first, and they went out for a few months.. as she put it "I got no emotional needs, and he got the sex he needed". She has no problem with massaging me, rubbing my arm/back/neck/head etc... sometimes she rubs my leg, but thats about it. I'd like to push it, as I feel I am missing out on a physical need that I want. I am just nervous of being led around, and she has no real intention of getting involved in any type of sexual relationship with me, as it "brings back bad memories from the past". Its frusturating (sexually/physically). I do very much like her as a person, but I'd like to get in some real "alone" time... so, we can uh, explore eachother. sigh.
MadDog Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 She is generally very shy/nervous (or seems to be..) and I keep on having to take the lead on things. I mean.. I had to kiss first (and it was a peck from her, not a real kiss).. I then had to progress it to a real smooch./QUOTE] Aren't you a guy? If so, you'd better get used to doing the initiating. Most girls still like the guy to be the initiator when it comes to the physical aspects of a relationship. You really can't be complaining about this.
electric_sheep Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Maddog, That is so true, but still a bit frustrating. My girlfriend is 20 yo and grew up in the more liberated atmosphere of the 90's, yet still I have to initiate things. She is wild as hell, and will try anything and everything, but she just doesn't seem to have the courage to state plainly and openly what she wants. I feel like I am in charge during sex. I'd love it if she would initate a "change in positions", if you will, or just tell me what to do ... this tempo, that tempo, anything really, if she would just take charge. I've tried to be very egalitarian with sex, yet I still seem to be directing things. Anyway, didn't mean to hijack the thread. Just an observation. Some of the women in these forums seem like real hell cats, yet in my own personal experience all the women I end up having sex with are a touch submissive in the sack.
Vertex Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 Yeah I mean if a man's gotta initiate, at least hope the woman is willing to really get into it! Having sex with a quadriplegic is no fun.
Walk Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I heard too many times while growing up how slutty the girls are who initiated sex, or showed any real liking for sex, so for most my life I really shied away from initiating or "directing" sex. Blame it on you guys. You call us sluts at the drop of a hat, then complain that we don't take control more often. Put us in a no-win situation. For some of us, it's not that we wouldn't LOVe to be in control of sex, and f*** the way we want to, but we're so caught in the "rules" of what a good girl can/can't do. Took a long time for me to break out of that. Men instilled the double standard, men can work to break it down. If you want a woman to take control of sex, then tell her. Communicate the why's. Make her comfortable with the idea, and never refer to another woman in your entire life as a slut.
catgirl1927 Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I heard too many times while growing up how slutty the girls are who initiated sex, or showed any real liking for sex, so for most my life I really shied away from initiating or "directing" sex. Blame it on you guys. You call us sluts at the drop of a hat, then complain that we don't take control more often. Put us in a no-win situation. For some of us, it's not that we wouldn't LOVe to be in control of sex, and f*** the way we want to, but we're so caught in the "rules" of what a good girl can/can't do. Took a long time for me to break out of that. Men instilled the double standard, men can work to break it down. If you want a woman to take control of sex, then tell her. Communicate the why's. Make her comfortable with the idea, and never refer to another woman in your entire life as a slut. Yay! You can't see me, but I'm doing a little dance because that is an awesome post.
SuperMonk Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 If you want a slutty porno whore, you should treat your gf like that (in private) - trust me on this. Infact a lot of women like to be treated like a moist piece of meat, once they know that you want to ravish them like wild animals, they totally get in the mood.
Walk Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 If you want a slutty porno whore, you should treat your gf like that (in private) - trust me on this. Infact a lot of women like to be treated like a moist piece of meat, once they know that you want to ravish them like wild animals, they totally get in the mood. This ONLY works if you already established respect for her. And highly doubt it'll help the OP. Since his girl said she was gun shy from being "used" already. Could back fire really spectacularly though. That might be fun.
Author TheTallOne Posted April 26, 2006 Author Posted April 26, 2006 Its kind of disconcerting... I can't tell if she is just "going along for the ride" (to make me happy.. which in the long run, is a bad idea) or if she is interested in doing physical things. I asked her today if she was uncomfortrable with intiating the kissing bit.. she didn't answer.. and kind of side stepped the issue.
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