theOW1 Posted April 23, 2006 Posted April 23, 2006 I've been having an affair now with a married man for 7 months. It started like I'm sure many affairs begin, at work. When I first met him, I was dating someone, but I had always been attracted to him. When I found out he was married with 4 kids, I was so disappointed. I broke up with my boyfriend (not because of him) and we instantly started our affair. In the beginning, he started telling me how divorce was immenient and it was just a matter of time before we were together. WOW - after reading the other threads here I see what a regular line that seems to be with married men. He would give me "marital updates" and send me emails about and talk to me about how unhappy he is and how he can't live his life like this anymore. Like an idiot, I believed him and continue to believe him to this very day. I don't know what I'm doing, all I know is that this has progressed into something that is getting harder and harder to deal with every day that passes. I've tried to break it off with him, but I just run back everytime I do and beg him to disregard my emotions and my neediness. Of course, he takes me back and we end up sleeping together and for the moment, I feel ok. But then, I look at him and I'm reminded of all that I want with him, all that I don't have with him, and all that I'm afraid I'm sacrificing to "be" with him. I am a mistress, I am a homewreaker, I am someone who I don't like to be. We have the most amazing intimate moments and lately I've been feeling like that is all that we are. I'm tired of the secrecy and the broken promises and living for the moments when he has a chance to call me or txt message me. He totally persued me in the beginning but now I'm feeling like the tables are turned and I'm the one who is being needy and demanding of his time. I'm not stupid, I'm a well educated person and I know how these things turn out. But for some reason, I keep holding on and keep wishing for the best to happen - I missing out on opportunities that are healthy for me and I'm isolating myself because I can't tell my friends about how I'm feeling or my family. So, I turn to him because he's the only one that knows about this. I tell him I need the reassurance that everything is going to work out for us and he tells me what I need to hear at the moment, but then the vacations come up and the weekends and holidays. Who does he spend them with? Not me. He is with his wife and children and regardless of how unhappy he his with her, she still has him. And she'll probably still have him 6, 10, 15, 50 months from now. What has he done to me or provided for me that makes me hold on the way I do? I can feel myself getting deeper and deeper into this and I hate that. I love him, but I hate myself...
RecordProducer Posted April 23, 2006 Posted April 23, 2006 You already know that he will never leave his wife as he's already said too many promises he never intended to keep. Don't forget that MM often fall in love with their mistresses, but they don't consider marrying them nonetheless, just like teenagers fall in love but don't consider marriage at age 16. I have a suggestion for you. Go to a place where you know you will find him with his wife and kids. Watch him and see how he acts around them. The purpose of seeing him in his family environment is to remind you of who he is in public. You only know him behind locked doors. Both you and his wife hear lies all the time while he's enjoying his life. Be strong and leave him. Don't look back. Find a single man and enjoy your love to the fullest without sneaking out like a criminal. Many women have broken up with married men and found their true love later. We can get over ANYONE. You can do it too with a little bit of faith and optimism. It's easier than you think.
Sami_D Posted April 23, 2006 Posted April 23, 2006 Hello the OW1, He's lied to you to string you along. That is a HORRIBLE thing for him to do. He's used your good nature AGAINST you. Now, I'm not saying you have no culpability in this... all OW do. And I'm not saying he's evil... no MM really is. But just look at the bare facts... he doesn't deserve you! And you deserve SO much more than this shabby treatment! So... stop allowing him to use you like this.
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