simpleman Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 Greetings, We have been in our LDR for almost a year now. For me, I have known she would get bored staying home all the time as she once had a very active lifestyle outside the house. However, she feels the need to be home every day to talk with me. This is not what I want her to do because I feel it will destory her spirit and lead to serious depression, stress, frustration, etc... Recently, we discussed this issue, carefully of course. She said she would like to be hanging out with her friends or atleast doing things to have fun. I've known she needed to have fun in her life, and that fun is found elsewhere besides at her house. The last time I visited her was last week, and we had a blast going to the mall and to the beach. We enjoyed each other's company, but this past week she's felt the stress of going back to this lifestyle of talking on the phone. Sexual frustration probably equates into this simple equation because I have only visited her twice in the past year due to the distance of us, but each time we're together we have a near satisfying time. But back to the topic, I do not find it wrong for her to go out with friends as I trust her. She did admit she is afraid that she will feel guilty if she went out as she doesn't want me to go out. She's afraid she will lose me. I told her that I wouldn't go out as it's not fun without her, and that's the truth. She says she would rather "suffer at home than go out with them and not talk to me." It is her decision, but I feel so sorry for her and I don't want her to feel as though I'm a chore one day. What should I do? Is it okay if I tell her she can go out with friends? Instead of telling her, perhaps I should wait till she asks me? But she won't as in the past she told me she had hanged out with the friends, but initially told me that she had to go out for a specific purpose. It felt like she was sneaking out, which I do not like. Maybe I'm too complicated. I just don't want her to feel miserable, because it is hard talking on the phone for every day for almost a year. What new things can happen when all that's happening in our lives is each other? We're not giving ourselves a chance to explore new things. What if we were together, how would it be? These are all questions I ask myself. What does the LoveShack audience think of my situation? Thanks from the simpleman.
Alexandra Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 First of all, having gone through LDR myself a few times and having advised clients in LDRs many times I have to start by saying that, yes, granted it is possibly the hardest type of relationship to deal with and all sorts of concers surface, so you wondering is not being "too complicated". It's not for everyone and very few end up in full time real life relationships if not carefully nurtured, indeed. That said, I have read your post twice and I still can't work it out if you're really worried about her or about yourself. The following post sums it up, you start by saying you don't want her to be miserable and then go on to say it's hard -for you, I presume- to have phone conversations daily. Maybe I'm too complicated. I just don't want her to feel miserable, because it is hard talking on the phone for every day for almost a year. I don't suspect you have a clear cut answer at this point but it sounds like a valid question to ask yourself. Are you worried for her sake really or feeling suffocated? It IS possible that she enjoys making herself available for you at all times and even the tiny victim status she can play up to show her devotion to you, I think. So again, is it about her or yourself? What if we were together, how would it be? No one can accurately answer that with any precision other than the two of you but it will most likely be very different. If in a good or bad sense that's a different story. People in LDR then IRL always without fail report "it's different", as I said the definition of "different" depends on each couple so I really would take the way you two react in LDR as too strong of an indication as to how you'll react in a full time real life relationship.
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