movinon05 Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I add my congrats as well. Remember its baby steps. The anguish will subside. I know its hard, but it doesn't help to analyze what she means from one day to the next. She had made decision (for what they are worth), and you cannot keep enabling her and being drug through the muck. You obviously have not been happy this whole time and its hell living like that. I suspect you will start to feel relief from the drama in a short amount of time. Keep yourself busy, find interests. Give yourself a break, go out and try to have fun. Good luck to you. Stay strong.
Author BKRPM Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 Thanks, everyone. Three-plus weeks at NC, and, I wish I would feel at least 10% better. Not yet. We did have a decent discussion almost three weeks ago, and I thought we reached a consensus on how we would work together. Keep in mind that I have been at my company for 19 years, and I will never move/change locations, etc. for someone else. Things were good on the NC level, but MW has been borderline rude the last few work days that I have seen her. I don't even know how to play it.... it has my stomach in knots.
JCD Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Talk to her like usual but don't flirt with her nor discuss your feelings for her. If she starts flirting with you then remind her that you're just her friend until she gets divorced then you can take it to another level. NC is very hard to keep up when you're forced to work together. If you meet someone new then don't feel like you owe loyalty to your MW. Go out with the new girl. Your MW must realize that you have a spine and are not too dependant on her and her whims. You can't jump when she says jump. You have dignity and need to live your own life.
Jessie61 Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 Thanks, everyone. Three-plus weeks at NC, and, I wish I would feel at least 10% better. Not yet. We did have a decent discussion almost three weeks ago, and I thought we reached a consensus on how we would work together. Keep in mind that I have been at my company for 19 years, and I will never move/change locations, etc. for someone else. Things were good on the NC level, but MW has been borderline rude the last few work days that I have seen her. I don't even know how to play it.... it has my stomach in knots. You're doing really well and it will get better and easier with time. I promise! Also, NC means NC. There is no middle ground. Remember that! I honestly wish you all the best!
movinon05 Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 And you have every right to live your life, a normal life and not go through hell with her because she has been unable to make concrete decisions. It will get easier, I promise. I can't relate to working with the person, but remember what her choices have been. And now you have the right to make choices for you. Her rudeness only shows that she is blaming you when in reality, it has been she who has put you in this position. And now you need to be out of it. She will have to learn that the hard way and you can't do it for her.
Author BKRPM Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 Just an update....NC was going pretty well, although there was friendly talk. I had that going for 4 weeks or so. MW hit on me in early Sept, and heck, let's just say I didn't fight her off. The physical contact has been relatively light (but there occasionally). I started dating after Labor Day, and told MW. Of course, she says that she has no problem with it. Not that I need her approval anyway. Since I started dating, MW has acted strange. She has been going for the drama..."I need to cut you off, because you'll find someone and won't be there. I don't want to be hurt, so I will initiate cutting this off." Of course, she hasn't done that yet (I really don't want her too). But, the thing that tears on my heart is that it comes with comments like, "My H has been treating me badly. I do need to leave. But it will take awhile, and I in good conscience cannot make you wait for me...Ohhh, I have to forsake my great love for you as to not be selfish...." Ugggh. It's tough for me. Why in the heck can't she just keep the good friendship going for now, and cut off the "we're such lovers who just got together at the wrong time, etc." She's going for that drama, and that makes it worse. Having to see MW at work is tough, too. I DO note that things are getting really bad at home. From what she's alluding to, I think H might have taken a swing at her, because she tells me that 'I can't tell you, but I told my therapist something that my H just did to me, and now I am scared that he'll tell someone else...." Advice? My stomach is in knots.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 I DO note that things are getting really bad at home. From what she's alluding to, I think H might have taken a swing at her, because she tells me that 'I can't tell you, but I told my therapist something that my H just did to me, and now I am scared that he'll tell someone else...." Advice? My stomach is in knots. I don't like the fact that she's telling you that her H is physically abusing you and expects you to do NOTHING! What kind of sicko is she? Next time she hints something like this, ask her in seriousness what her H actually did to her. And then, tell her that you will report her H to the police. And do it. As a good samaritan, you are supposed to report domestic violence and protect the victim. So do it next time! Your MW is unhealthy for you... do you realize that???? She is not doing you any favor by hanging on to you. You need to date single women. Treat her only as a friend - a distant one, in fact. She does not have your best interest at heart. Trust me.
Recommended Posts