kitten chick Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 jerbear - rest assured that he's not chasing me for a relationship, just sex. He does not have trouble getting women at all so please don't make the mistake of thinking that he's some poor guy who can't get any and I'm leading him on, I assure you that's not the case. Walk - your questions are tough. I need to think about them. I'll post back.
jerbear Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 jerbear - rest assured that he's not chasing me for a relationship, just sex. He does not have trouble getting women at all so please don't make the mistake of thinking that he's some poor guy who can't get any and I'm leading him on, I assure you that's not the case. That thought has never came into my mind. Granted sex does change the dynamics for men and women. Very hard to shake something off. If he is chasing for sex... he is not really LTR material; FWB again but I doubt you want that. It is nice to have needs met (FWB relationship) but sometimes one has to be strong and do some smack down. Having a guy chase is great to feel wanted and desired. Heck some guys like to chase, I'm one of those guys. Being chased can also hinder (as in delay) your ability to having a relationship with someone else.
kitten chick Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Ok I tried to answer the Walk questions but I didn't do a very good job. What aspect is drawing me to him? He listens, he's understanding, and he's not mean to me. So I guess the perceived shoulder. He's also fun to be around. We don't have a lot in common except some of the important things. That, and the fact that he has no interest in dating me, is what makes me not think of him as relationship material. Why do I assume that he only wants me for sex? Yes, mainly the flirting and talk. He has said to me in the past that he believes if a relationship starts out sexual it will end up that way. We talk about plenty of other things but it usually gravatates to the sexual joking around. The problem is that I never end a friendship or relationship without a reason and there just is no real reason. Nothing bad has happened.
jerbear Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Interrupt me if I'm imposing. Seems to me that he can be your "girl friend" and provide emotional support that most guys can't do. He puts up with your issues, listens, rants, etc... You trust him and so far he has not been a jerk. If he hasn't done anything bad other than talk sex, just make sure you know the line and will not cross it. Tell him it bothers you about sex and if he continues, get up and walk away. If he can't respect the boundaries of this friendship/relationship or whatever. Then tell him and back off for awhile (tell him you won't talk to him for 1 week) and keep it. Let him cool off.
Walk Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Whats your main fear in this then? That you'll develope feelings for him, more than you already have, and get hurt? I can understand not wanting to end the friendship. It's hard to find people you click with and can laugh with. You may not want to read past here.. I'm slighly intoxicated and probably won't give good advice. But.... what would happen if you explained your fear? Which I'm assuming at this point is you developing stronger feelings for him if you sleep together. If he understands the consequences he may be able to help you in resisting the temptation rather then contribute to it. Depends on what kind of guy he is though. Some guys will take advantage of the situation. Or you could structure your meetings so that you won't ever meet in private. No going over to his house, or yours. Always in public. You can flirt away, as long as you never go anywhere alone with him. Or.. tell him you have some nasty STD.. And you can't sleep with him because of it. Guaranteed to keep you virginal around him. Or... sleep with him and get it over with already. I'm just kidding on this one. I wouldn't want to end a friendship like your describing either. And he may not be making all those comments/flirts just to "get you in bed"... it could be he's not getting any, it's on his mind.. but not necessarily directed at using you in that way. Only as a way to "release" some of his pent up sexual frustration. Depends on what the comments are, and how they're worded too.
kitten chick Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Jerbear - of course you're not imposing. You had some good advice, thanks. Whats your main fear in this then? That you'll develope feelings for him, more than you already have, and get hurt? I can understand not wanting to end the friendship. It's hard to find people you click with and can laugh with. Well yeah, I'm afraid of getting hurt and afraid of getting hurt over someone I already know isn't the one. You may not want to read past here.. I'm slighly intoxicated and probably won't give good advice. Actually I thought this was good advice. But.... what would happen if you explained your fear? Which I'm assuming at this point is you developing stronger feelings for him if you sleep together. If he understands the consequences he may be able to help you in resisting the temptation rather then contribute to it. Depends on what kind of guy he is though. Some guys will take advantage of the situation. You're right, I should tell him. I've never had a problem speaking openly with him. He's not a GREAT guy but I don't think he's out to hurt me solely for his benefit. Or you could structure your meetings so that you won't ever meet in private. No going over to his house, or yours. Always in public. You can flirt away, as long as you never go anywhere alone with him. Yeahhh, welll, it always starts out in public. Or.. tell him you have some nasty STD.. And you can't sleep with him because of it. Guaranteed to keep you virginal around him. Or... sleep with him and get it over with already. I'm just kidding on this one. Don't encourage me! I wouldn't want to end a friendship like your describing either. And he may not be making all those comments/flirts just to "get you in bed"... it could be he's not getting any, it's on his mind.. but not necessarily directed at using you in that way. Only as a way to "release" some of his pent up sexual frustration. Depends on what the comments are, and how they're worded too. The words "do you want to have sex..." and "I was just checking to see if anything changed and you wanted to have sex with me again" have come from him many many times. I think I'm overanalyzing. I appreciate all of the the advice. I'm just going to be honest and try to have fun. I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone anytime soon so I'll just try to enjoy being single for now.
jerbear Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 The words "do you want to have sex..." and "I was just checking to see if anything changed and you wanted to have sex with me again" have come from him many many times. To me that is crossing the line, granted it was crossed in the past. Somewhat disrespectful of himself and you if he does it everytime or even once a month.
kitten chick Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 I've been getting PMs asking what happened with this so I figured I'd update. It has become increasingly clear to me that he's only interested in me for sex. We already had plans by the time I really figured out what I wanted, which is to let him go completely, so I'm still going to see him but on a strictly platonic level. The fact that he so blatantly disrepsects me makes me not want to have anything to do with him. It's pretty sad that this keeps happening, I'm starting to think that there aren't any guys out there interested in anything more than sex.
NTB Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I've been getting PMs asking what happened with this so I figured I'd update. It has become increasingly clear to me that he's only interested in me for sex. We already had plans by the time I really figured out what I wanted, which is to let him go completely, so I'm still going to see him but on a strictly platonic level. The fact that he so blatantly disrepsects me makes me not want to have anything to do with him. It's pretty sad that this keeps happening, I'm starting to think that there aren't any guys out there interested in anything more than sex. there are guys out there that want more than sex..........just look at me i want a relationship but my SO all she wants is sex from me right now. so see she is using me, which i'm not complaining and if your done with him why see him at all? stick a fork in him, seeing him will only make him think that the game is on.
kitten chick Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 there are guys out there that want more than sex..........just look at me i want a relationship but my SO all she wants is sex from me right now. so see she is using me, which i'm not complaining Oh well now that is half a story if I've ever heard one. and if your done with him why see him at all? stick a fork in him, seeing him will only make him think that the game is on. Yes it appears I have just received an opportunity to do as such.
NTB Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Oh well now that is half a story if I've ever heard one. half a story is as good as any
alphamale Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 and if your done with him why see him at all? stick a fork in him, seeing him will only make him think that the game is on. I agree NTB...why do women always do this? why do they want to stay friends with a guy and just lead them on for fun? is it out of guilt or not wanting to hurt the guy's feelings or some combo of the two.
Alexandra Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 is it out of guilt or not wanting to hurt the guy's feelings or some combo of the two. Love how you started that as a question and decided to make it an affirmation afterall
kitten chick Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I agree NTB...why do women always do this? why do they want to stay friends with a guy and just lead them on for fun? is it out of guilt or not wanting to hurt the guy's feelings or some combo of the two. Well if you had bothered to read the whole thread you would have seen that I was the one that wanted more and all he wanted was sex. Don't be jealous just cause you can't have me.
alwayslearn Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Perhaps, you don't want to invest your time into a relationship that you feel will not have go where you want a relationship to ultimately go. Maybe, a sixth sense is good thing to possess when matters of the heart are involved. Women deserve to be respected and treated as such regardless of the situation (that is not a simply a novel concept).
kitten chick Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I think I'm going to go back to this guy because it's time for me to start settling. I don't think I'm going to find anything better. Maybe we have to settle at some point. Thoughts?
johan Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I think I'm going to go back to this guy because it's time for me to start settling. I don't think I'm going to find anything better. Maybe we have to settle at some point. Thoughts? There's better out there. I'm better.
kitten chick Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 There's better out there. I'm better. Um thanks, yes you're probably better johan. I'm talking about in my life though. I don't think that I will find any better so I'm going to have to settle.
Pyro Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Um thanks, yes you're probably better johan. I'm talking about in my life though. I don't think that I will find any better so I'm going to have to settle. Don't settle for anything less then the best for you KC. Judging by your posts and your words of wisdom, you can do so much better. Don't be impatient.
MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I don't think that I will find any better so I'm going to have to settle. Whoa there! Hold it. That's such a bad mentality to have. You shouldn't be with someone who's medicore just because you think it's the best you can do. You should be with them because they really do it for you and they feel right. Please, the thought of someone settling so willingly is quite unnerving.
jerbear Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I think I'm going to go back to this guy because it's time for me to start settling. I don't think I'm going to find anything better. Maybe we have to settle at some point. Thoughts? KC, don't start settling! You have a good head on your shoulders and quite frankly you got my vote. We at one point do settle but not 30 or even 40, maybe even 50. More like settling in the dirt to serve as fertilizer.
kitten chick Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I guess I half expected that kind of response and half wasn't expecting any of it. I probably should be keeping this offline but I've already said something, might as well explain myself. I think that I can GET better but I'm not FINDING anyone better. The guys I keep meeting seem to be worse than him so I'm thinking it's time for me to make him mr. right now but I have no intention of making him mr. forever. I had only intended on taking about 6 months off from dating and now I'm getting close to a year. I feel that if I don't do something now I'll stop dating altogether. And I'm bored. And I would hardly call waiting a year being impatient. He has reduced me to a vehicle for entertainment and so I feel that I might as well do the same until I meet someone that I like better. After all, that's how he has always treated me. I'm not quite sure I would go as far as saying it should be unnerving.
Pyro Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I guess I half expected that kind of response and half wasn't expecting any of it. I probably should be keeping this offline but I've already said something, might as well explain myself. I think that I can GET better but I'm not FINDING anyone better. The guys I keep meeting seem to be worse than him so I'm thinking it's time for me to make him mr. right now but I have no intention of making him mr. forever. I had only intended on taking about 6 months off from dating and now I'm getting close to a year. I feel that if I don't do something now I'll stop dating altogether. And I'm bored. And I would hardly call waiting a year being impatient. He has reduced me to a vehicle for entertainment and so I feel that I might as well do the same until I meet someone that I like better. After all, that's how he has always treated me. I'm not quite sure I would go as far as saying it should be unnerving. Being bored is one of the worst reasons to be involved with someone. From what you have written about him in the past, he is not good for you at all. I must say that I am surprised and disappointed, but its your decision. I just hope that if history starts to repeat itself, referring to his actions, then you will do the right thing and walk away for good. Good luck.
kitten chick Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I was kinda bothered by that post and I had to think about why. I feel like I'm being held to a higher standard than others. I think if I posted this as a guest or as a male I would be told to just go and have some fun until I find someone that I want to date. We wouldn't be getting "involved", he doesn't want to date me which frankly is a turn off to me. That doesn't mean we don't like hanging out together once in a while. I have other things going on in my life so my boredom in this arena of life is kept to a minimum as would be my time spent with him.
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