Was I drugged by my bf or was it just the alcohol?

[Walk]

Maybe you should read the posts again and critically look at the replies you yourself have been giving as if it isn't you whos posting on here. Maybe you can see things from our point of view - views without your feelings involved perhaps?

Man, I've heard that so many times, and it's damn near impossible to do.

 

How about look at the situation and find out the reasons why you don't agree with us, then post that. (logical arguments as to why you dont' agree.) Post the reasons, we'll post why we disagree... Either it will convince us that you honestly weren't drugged, or show you the flaw in your thinking. But the argument that you "saw him" and realized he couldnt' have... isn't holding water. Trust bias. You want to believe our SO didn't do this. It's normal, natural. Look it up on the internet. But in your situation, your falling from the cliff and you "believe" he will catch you but he's standing on the sidelines waiting for the big landing.

 

Logical argument.. not "I just looked at him and knew." You disregard facts, and ask us to accept something unrealistic. You want unbiased opinions, or just looking for reassurance? Up to you, but I'm not going to reassure you of something that's not true.

[nicki]

HCG, tell your sister everything. If you are afraid to tell her, then what does that tell you about this situation?

 

Please take a couple of days away from this man. Tell him you are sick or something, anything....You need some perspective. You are not seeing things clearly, yet.

[nicki]

Yes, that's good, Walk. Talk to us, HCG, and we'll help you understand logically.

 

Lishy, I couldn't leave until other people were in place to support my decision.

 

It is very difficult to leave an abuser. She may come to the realizations she needs to, but she needs her sister to fly here, for her to be here to help HCG stay away from him.

 

It's like a child needing a mother.

[Walk]

Yes, that's good, Walk. Talk to us, HCG, and we'll help you understand logically.

 

Lishy, I couldn't leave until other people were in place to support my decision.

 

It is very difficult to leave an abuser. She may come to the realizations she needs to, but she needs her sister to fly here, for her to be here to help HCG stay away from him.

 

It's like a child needing a mother.

 

I agree. She'll follow this until something extreme happens. Some definable, (dead) moment in which she can't turn away from. She'll excuse all. Over and over. But some of this information will sink in. Hopefully she can take away the realization that she can't be blindly trusting with him. That he doesn't have her best interest at heart.

 

HCG... the greatest thing I did in my life was admit how horrible my relationship (at the time) was to my family. They embraced me. They supported me in every decision I made. I never thought they would. I thought they would think I was stupid, weak, crazy. They never hesitated for a second. It was the biggest weight off my shoulders, freeing. I think you should tell your sister, and trust her. If it were her going through this, what would you want? For her to trust you enough to confide in you?

 

Are you happy? How do you feel when you are heading over to see your bf? From your experience, have you ever had conversations like these prior to getting back with your bf? in reference to not remembering, or very vaguely remembering, after having a drink or two.

[lindya]

Yes, that's good, Walk. Talk to us, HCG, and we'll help you understand logically.

 

Just a quick note to say that HCG is backing off from the board for a bit. She really appreciates everyone's concern, but is finding it a bit overwhelming at the moment. She's not entirely isolated herself from the board, but hopes people will understand - and not be offended - if she doesn't respond to posts for a bit.

[nicki]

Thanks, Lindya, for letting us know.

 

We understand. Sending you love and support, HCG!

[Adunaphel]

To anyone who has read this thread:

do any of you know in which town exactly the OP lives?

Would it be legal to get information from her IP (if that is possible)?

Would it be possible to report this thread to the police (or to anyone who is related to people's safeness, whatever the englishg name for it is)?

Would anyone take action basing on a thread in an internet forum?

Would it be legal/possible to do anything?

[No Stress Lady]

I'm here, no need to worry..thnx though.

I'm just confused, I mean it's hard to imagine someone you love to do anything to harm you, but the more I am thinking about everything you guys are saying, it doesn't add up. Plus RP that is too crazy to even think about if he made me sign anything, he's been very curious about my finances lately.

 

At the end of the day, he's a real nice guy who I also have to consider, if it was just me getting sick, he was there to clean up after me, like johan says most guys wouldn't put up with that. Also, as I mentioned last week about my hair, he made me dye it jet black yesterday, from light blonde, so that also is weirding me out, I feel like I am a different person. I have a big family wedding to go to this afternoon and am embarassed for people to see me the way I look now. This is unrelated, except that in general I am feeling like cr** this morning.

 

I don't think I'll go to the police, but I am going to try to find how I can purchase a drug testing kit in case I need it in the future. That's an excellent idea.

 

Your BF sounds plain weird. Haven't read your threads but how long have you known this guy? He could be taking compromising photos of you or something, is he very possessive of you or worried that you might leave him? And WTF is with "making" you dye your hair???????

 

Please be VERY careful - you should not be blacking out after two drinks - at the very least see your Doctor and tell him/her what happened.

[lindya]

To anyone who has read this thread:

do any of you know in which town exactly the OP lives?

Would it be legal to get information from her IP (if that is possible)?

Would it be possible to report this thread to the police (or to anyone who is related to people's safeness, whatever the englishg name for it is)?

Would anyone take action basing on a thread in an internet forum?

Would it be legal/possible to do anything?

 

A board like this is a bit like a free helpline. People come here because they want anonymity, and if you're going to infringe upon that right to anonymity you need an extremely sound reason for doing so - ie solid grounds to believe that a person is at significant risk of immediate physical harm. If anyone wanted further guidance on what that means and when it would be relevant to report a matter, they'd be best asking someone connected with the emergency services for advice.

[No Stress Lady]

HCG - have read some of our other threads and have to say that your boyfriend sounds like a sleazy amateur pornographer/wannabe pimp. :sick:

 

Please get some professional help and be careful.

 

This situation sounds like it could turn extremely nasty - and it is clearly escalating.

 

Take the advice you've been given and put as much distance between this creep and yourself as you can.

[crazy_grl]

HCG, I haven't read any of your other threads, and I just found this one today.Throughout it, I've tried to remain skeptical of your bf's guilt and give him the benefit of the doubt since you've sad he's a good guy. I've tried to keep the opinion that maybe you're right about your bf and that you have just developed a bad reaction to alcohol or something. But after the post below, I say it doesn't matter if he's drugged your or not. That post is downright scary. Your bf sounds like an abuser. And I'm incredibly worried about you because you seem to be mistaking the signs of his abusiveness as signs of love. He made you leave a concert for talking to a guy handing out flyers. Don't you see how controlling that is? He's conditioning you not to even talk innocently with other guys by punishing you for it.

 

I'm not going to say for sure that he drugged you, though I think it's highly likely. If you're not going to stay away from him, I think you should get one of those drink testing kits ASAP.

 

Also, read up on emotional abuse. This guy seems to still be in the emotional stage and may even be progressing to physical abuse (with the pinching). One good site is http://youarenotcrazy.com/

 

Hello everyone, I have just finished reading everyone's replies since my last post....too many points to respond to individually, but let me thank you all for caring and give an update as to what has transpired since my last post.

 

As I had mentioned, I had a wedding to go to Saturday. I was supposed to go early to help the bride dress, but was feeling too upset and was here posting. As I was getting dressed, I did notice some bruises behind my arms of the halter style top of my outfit, to answer one of the questions if I had noticed any physical signs of anything. But my bf also pinches me hard sometimes so I can't say for certain if that was from when I was blacked out or not. I also have bruises on my leg...

 

Anyways, I missed the actual ceremony and made it to the reception, where everyone was shocked to see my new appearance without my light hair. Although I feel like a different person and am still trying to get used to it, everyone said they liked it but I was anxious for my bf to see it. He kept calling, paging, texting me and emailing me the whole time I was there...there was no reception in the banquet hall so I had to mingle outside for most of the time not to miss his calls, it was a nightmare but he kept asking me to go to see him, I finally left early (even though it was almost midnight, it was a very large formal affair and the cake had not been cut yet).

 

As much as I was worrying from what you guys had been telling me, he was being extra nice and I knew we were all speculating, I had to be sure of what was up. He let me park in his spot, came outside to greet me, was just being very very nice. He LOVED LOVED LOVED my new look, I had never received a bigger positive response from him the whole time I've known him, so I no longer felt bad about changing it, I just need to get used to it...

 

He immediately offered me a drink. I wanted to say no, but i didn't want him to think I was being suspicious of what might be happening, so I said yes but just to take a sip or two, also I am still skeptical if he is doing anything to me. Again after a few sips I felt tired, but it was also late and I wanted to sleep. The strange thing is I thought we slept around 1-2 but the next day he told me we were up til at least 4am. Again I remember having conversations that were kind of dreamylike, not sure if they took place or not. One thing was he asked if my nipple had been sore!!! Visually there is no sign why it should be, but ever since i had woken up from the black out it had been painfully sore on one of them. I remember saying yes, but wondering how he knew and I can't remember if maybe i was the one to bring it up?

 

Anyways the next day was Sunday. He rarely takes me out, only has a few times. If a guy makes eye contact with me and I respond, he gets angry and we go home, like once we were at a concert and just before it started I was waiting for him outside the bathroom, a soliciter of a shop was passing flyers and stopped to chat with me, he came out and saw and that was that, we went right back home without staying for the concert. So anyways, the next day we were reading newspapers, watching tv the whole day. I said I didn't want a drink so I didn't drink, and neither did he.

 

At night when we went to bed, he tried to touch my breast which is a normal thing for a bf to do, but maybe because I haven't been sober while in a sexual position with him for a long time, I was thinking of all these posts and what MIGHT have happened, i automatically responded by pushing him away. He got angry and stopped talking to me!! Even in the morning he didn't acknowledge me, i got dressed and again asked him not to be mad at me, I was just feeling tired and other excuses I made, he didn't talk to me and hasn't called or emailed since....

 

Again, like some others said, this is all speculation. I have no idea what really happened. I am just trying to be careful. And it's not like I'm going to get on LS from his house so I am just getting back to you guys...thanks for the support but the mroe time that passes from that incident, i just think i had too much to drink...i honestly can't imagine he'd videotape me, but the thought is worrisome since like i said, he is always recharging the batteries for his videotape and camera when I go there, and reasons I don't want to get into, I really can't just go to the police, even if it is to just file a report. Again, I don't want to make this a bigger deal than it is, or make anyone worried...thnx.

[2sunny]

To anyone who has read this thread:

do any of you know in which town exactly the OP lives?

Would it be legal to get information from her IP (if that is possible)?

Would it be possible to report this thread to the police (or to anyone who is related to people's safeness, whatever the englishg name for it is)?

Would anyone take action basing on a thread in an internet forum?

Would it be legal/possible to do anything?

 

If I knew how to reach her specifically I would be willing. I do know that she lives only 20 minutes from my location, if she was honest about her town when she posted a while back.

 

Yes, I would support her in any way she might need.

 

I don't have pm priviledges yet though, yikes....

[nicki]

I get the impression that HCG is still talking to people here on LS, just not on this thread. (probably pm)

 

I sure hope so.

 

2Sunny, can you get your email address to someone who is sending her private messages?

[Outcast]

HCG you may not be replying but you're probably reading.

 

BUT after seeing him again, I truly believe that he could never do that to me.

 

Your mistake is thinking you're an excellent judge of character. Smart, SMART women have been conned out of all their money because they thought that. Smart, brilliant women have been beaten to death because they thought that.

 

Why do you think a couple hundred posts ALL see harm here for you? You are unable to see clearly, trust me on this. You are in serious, serious trouble.

 

You talk yourself into 'believing' in him, but deep in the pit of your gut is a tiny tiny voice saying 'GET OUT' and you are talking loudly to try to drown it out. Listen to it. It prompted you to write here, it prompted you to keep reading, and it KNOWS that you are not safe. That is your instinct. LISTEN TO IT!!!

 

Surely you understand that if you would not dare tell your sisters what you wrote here that something is horribly wrong. You KNOW it but you want, God knows why, to ignore what you KNOW. Pay attention. No man is worth your life and health. NO MAN.

[BeFree]

HCG,

 

Girl I am here for you and I think we live close to eachother. You can PM me if you need to talk. No one here is judging you, we just want you to be safe.

[Guest]

Considering how serious the situation is, an avatar representing an earthly paradise is about the last thing I would expect to appear the the OP's profile, all of a sudden.... .

 

Wow....

[newbby]

hotcaligirl,

you are doing what is typical in this kind of situation. it is extremely difficult to accept what is happening, so you go into denial. when you are away from him you think about it all and panic. you go to see him to reassure yourself that everything is okay. he plays the game, acts nice, and it gives you a temporary reassurance. a few things happen that you dismiss, because you latch onto the "nice" things he is saying and doing, no matter how small they are, you build them up to be bigger, because you so badly need the reassurance. accepting what is happening is so hard. i have been in similar situations. you may even stop talking to people who think he is bad news, and only talk to people who thinks he is ok, in the desperate need to believe that everything is alright. it is scary being a woman sometimes.

now, you can deny this as much as you like, but the fact is that sooner or later and one way or another, you will have to face facts. the sooner that you accept the reality of your now, the sooner you can take the neccessary actions to stop it happening. if you do not feel strong enough to go to the police, then dont do that yet. my thoughts are that the reason you will not speak to your family is because you know that they will force you to face facts. i was with a very abusive partner for a long time and threatened me in very sadistic ways. i did not tell my family, because i was terrified to face the reality. i gave small hints but then covered them up with other stories to make it seem alright. another thing that can happen with families is that they too go into a denial about things, and also need the reassurance from you that things are ok.

now. however bad things are, we can deal with them. BUT we can only deal with them by actually dealing with them. the more you deny your gut, the weaker you will become, and you need to use the strength that you have quickly and get yourself out of this, one way or another.

what are you scared of? are you scared of him? are you scared of finishing with him in case of how he will react? it is important to identify these fears, because it is these fears that are holding you back from taking the actions that you really want to take. are you scared of being alone? unloved?

you need to sit down and breathe calmly and identify these fears.

remember that many women have been in these kinds of situation and have managed to get out. listen to blind otter.

you are stronger than you think you are. hugs to you.

[Mz. Pixie]

I think she's gone away because we're not telling her what she wants to hear and that's upsetting to her. It's making her question her relationship as it should and that makes her uncomfortable. That's cool though.

 

I for one can't believe that no one picked up on her comment "For reasons I don't want to discuss here I cannot possibly go to the police about anything" WTF does that mean?? Does he have a record??? Hmmmmm me thinks there is more to this story than we know.

 

Stay safe HCG. I hope to God you wake up and get away from this guy before something even worse happens.

[catgirl1927]

Are we sure this isn't a troll? I really hope it is. I just cannot imagine anyone being this gullible. I don't mean any disrespect, it's just this situation is so shocking and awful, I want to believe it's not true.

[newbby]

its not being gullible, its being in denial because things seem to large too face. it can happen to anyone. no she is not a troll.

i really dont think these kinds of comments are helpful to someone who is already feeling so bad. its like a mental breakdown. what happens is the brain shuts down when there is too much to deal with.

[catgirl1927]

its not being gullible, its being in denial because things seem to large too face. it can happen to anyone. no she is not a troll.

i really dont think these kinds of comments are helpful to someone who is already feeling so bad. its like a mental breakdown. what happens is the brain shuts down when there is too much to deal with.

 

I really don't think attacking me is helpful either.

[lindya]

HCG has been a regular poster on LS for a while now. Someone in an earlier post said "nobody here's judging you". Whilst that would be lovely, it's a bit idealistic. Some people are accusing her of making it all up, others are giving priority to their own anxiety/desire to know more and placing pressure on her to keep this forum updated.

 

She'd be better off finding a skilled counsellor in her area so that she and discuss this matter in a safe, objective and non-hysterical environment.

[blind_otter]

Are we sure this isn't a troll? I really hope it is. I just cannot imagine anyone being this gullible. I don't mean any disrespect, it's just this situation is so shocking and awful, I want to believe it's not true.

 

Nah she's been on LS for a long time.

[newbby]

it was not an attack, but perhaps i was not being sensitive to you, i apologise.

[catgirl1927]

it was not an attack, but perhaps i was not being sensitive to you, i apologise.

 

I really didn't mean to insult her, and I think I said so in my post. It's just so awful. At this point, I would rather she be making it up. No one should be where she is, dealing with all of that. The hair dying thing is SUPER scary. Kidnappers usually dye their victim's hair to make them less recognizable. Terrifying.