Was I drugged by my bf or was it just the alcohol?

[typical]

Just to make things clear.....

 

I am not on her a$$.

 

I believe, the middle of page 4 is when things took a turn for the worst....

 

I wonder....maybe he has a propane leak at his house???

[Art_Critic]

Oh but we're all judgemental!

 

I keep hearing that and I think that's a BS excuse. There's degrees of being judgemental, and judging someone you don't even know for stuff that may or may not have occurred is excessive.

 

But I'm judging people for judging judgement. Whatever.

 

Oh quit picking a fight.. you have seen this thread and how the judgments against her have more than exceeded the norm..

 

I know we are all judgemental but my post was made in light of this thread and not in general

[lindya]

I'm questioning the length of time we gave her for her to "wake up". And although initially supportive, it wasn't long for posters to change their tune.

 

You know the rules, Walk. Once someone has posted about a difficulty on Loveshack, they're permitted up to 28 hours to face up to that problem and take the first steps towards resolving it. Said steps should be proven by scanning to a regular member convincing evidence that counselling sessions have been set up. Credit card statements are permissible, but preferably a signed letter from the counsellor stating

 

"I hereby confirm that X has paid for a block booking of counselling sessions beginning next Thursday at 12 noon. I agree that I shall notify the readers of Loveshack in the event that he/she should miss any appointments."

[blind_otter]

Oh quit picking a fight.. you have seen this thread and how the judgments against her have more than exceeded the norm..

 

I know we are all judgemental but my post was made in light of this thread and not in general

 

I'm not arguing. Someone threw that in my face yesterday and I wanted to throw it back, stuck in a pile of poo. So I waited until today to make a joke out of it.

 

Judge judgemental judging judgity judge judger.

[blind_otter]

You know the rules, Walk. Once someone has posted about a difficulty on Loveshack, they're permitted up to 28 hours to face up to that problem and take the first steps towards resolving it. Said steps should be proven by scanning to a regular member convincing evidence that counselling sessions have been set up. Credit card statements are permissible, but preferably a signed letter from the counsellor stating

 

"I hereby confirm that X has paid for a block booking of counselling sessions beginning next Thursday at 12 noon. I agree that I shall notify the readers of Loveshack in the event that he/she should miss any appointments."

 

Judger! Stop judging the judgements made by those who judge!

[lindya]

Judger! Stop judging the judgements made by those who judge!

 

Order! Order! I have a gavel, and I'm not afraid to use it.

 

Edit, re.

 

HCG.......please return and tell us how you are doing.....even if it is only a couple of short sentences.....

 

Envisage me clearing my throat and assuming an air of importance. Now think of me putting on spectacles and reading from a piece of paper in a clear and ringing voice....calmly ignoring the flashes of the paparazzi.

 

Just as a gazelle doth not hurl itself into the hungry jackals' quarters, HCG is not posting on threads at present. I received a PM earlier, the contents of which are confidential (important cough). I can confirm that HCG had not, at the time of writing at least, been sold into the white slave industry.

[Mary3]

And here we have it. This is why, contrary to their beliefs, people who are ridden down with their own issues don't make good advice givers.

 

 

 

Do HCG's situation and reactions have to mirror yours in order for her to have any credibility as "a person with a problem"?

 

 

 

I'd say "screwy" is a word that's far more applicable to some of the people who've dived in with all sorts of lurid conspiracy theories and gibberish (note to others who have posted sanely and supportively on this thread, I'm certainly not talking about everyone here).

 

 

 

Oh just stop it. If you can't even spell the condition, for God's sake stop trying to diagnose other people as having it.

 

.

 

How delightful.

 

 

 

Is that a reference to your own post, Mary? If so, I thoroughly agree.

 

Lynda : Your opinion of whether I give good or bad advice is your opinion.

 

Do not try to say that someone with a previous past of abuse cannot give good advice in the future.

 

I stand by what I say that something isn't right here..

 

I have come very far from where I was and continue to learn/grow and mind you, I have not been in an abusive relationship since.

 

I do alot of research and live ALOT better quality life once understanding myself and why I allowed the verbal abuse..

 

I am saying that her responses are just not making sense.

 

I stand by this .

 

Unless she is being held in a hostage like situation or is being drugged ever so slowly, her blase' responses just don't add up.

 

Yes , while in the abuse , you feel confused and lost and wonder how you got in it and how to get out of it but I don't see the poster expressing ANY of this other than getting reactions ( and plenty of them ) from us. Would she like help getting out ?

 

But she will do whats best for her. That might include staying in the exact same situation and doing nothing. Thats an option . Its a choice. She will make the choice right for her. She may choose to leave. Thats another choice. That might take outside intervention and support from a strong family or friend

 

I say *screwy* as in screwy behavior related to this situation. I put myself where she is and what I might do. I know I would not sip on a drink from someone I thought was tampering with my drink(s) and whom I experiened memory loss and unconsciousness/ and disorientation.

 

My good friend has the * disease I am not spelling right * and she had some of the similar behaviors as the OP. Not all of the behaviors . Whether OP has * that disease * or not , getting HELP has been the main focus .

 

My gut reaction says this does not feel right. Its pretty exasperating to see this continue on and on without * at least * some progress, some movement towards getting some help.

[tinktronik]

Barney should teach the Opinion song!

 

 

Breaking out in song:

 

Opinions are opinions ,

your is yours and mine is mine,

thats all we have is just opinions,

except for scientist who have theorrrrrrryyyyyyyssssssss,

and they have to prove that they make sense.

............something about a**h***s...........and opinions ,,,,,ect ect ect.

[Lishy]

I agree with Mary!

 

 

I bet she is at her boyfriends drinking his 'Elixir' Muahhhhh hah hah

[grateful]

Order! Order! I have a gavel, and I'm not afraid to use it.

 

Edit, re.

 

 

 

Envisage me clearing my throat and assuming an air of importance. Now think of me putting on spectacles and reading from a piece of paper in a clear and ringing voice....calmly ignoring the flashes of the paparazzi.

Just as a gazelle doth not hurl itself into the hungry jackals' quarters, HCG is not posting on threads at present. I received a PM earlier, the contents of which are confidential (important cough). I can confirm that HCG had not, at the time of writing at least, been sold into the white slave industry.

 

I must have misunderstood. I was under the impression that you wanted the arguing to end in this thread so that HCG would not be overloaded and overwhelmed. It's not clear to me how taunting people into more posts defending their position is really helping your goal.

[Lishy]

Lets be serious here guys

 

Look at the name of this thread! She was ASKING if she has been drugged. She then tells us how he pinches her hard and how he asked if her nipple was sore. She proceeds to tell us allsorts of awful things he does and says THEN he says how she must be wrong and how he loves her and is a nice guy and she doesnt want to worry us! Not Normal in my eyes!

 

After she wonders if her drinks are being spiked she THEN goes to his house and drinks his drinks AGAIN! And she says she did this so he did not think she suspects!

 

She listens to NOTHING we have to say! Come on we all ask advice and we may not act on all of it but we acknowledge it and we listen!

 

COME THE HELL ON! Who is that dim? No one I know! and I know some dimwits!

 

Why would he suspect she knows if he is doing nothing to her? She knows what he is doing and that is crazyness - That is why I think she says all of this for attention and she has disappeared now that we have questioned her!

[aleatoryd]

There's too many "expert opinions" on here. Like most people here I followed and responded to the is mu boyfriend using me post. I had a bad feeling about that and then after reading this I thought WTF is this person a troll, deluded, crazy, whatever. Then I realised that yes it's idealistic but it really isn't our place to judge her. She came on here asking for advice - we present our views, show our concern and give advice on steps he could take. Not a thing any of us can do will make her change her decisions. We are not the OP and we view things differently.

 

The instant we start getting heated and throwing words around we just force the OP to stay away and then what we bicker? I respect the fact that many of the members here have personal experience, pop psychology and different ways of analysing situations. That is helpful. So let's carry on suggesting advice because who knows how many other people other than the OP will read this thread and find it helpful. We all have different coping mechanism and to some of us the decisions we make are easy while others spend years trapped in similar situations.

 

This whole thing bugs the hell out of me but I figure when we suggest things it makes it worse. e.g. He could have faked the camera auction in the other thread, he could be a pornographer, he could drug her, date rape, sell her body, film blackmail or pornography or fluffy bunnies in his backyard, and he could be interrogating her for her financial secrets. There are many things he could be doing and some he probably isn't. Our speculation is only fuelling this situation.

 

Here's what we can suggest:

 

1) Anyone in the OP's area could arrange together to meet somewhere safe like a coffee shop or something, and offer real world support.

 

2) She could talk to family or friends or counsellors.

 

3) She could seek medical advice especially regarding blackouts and possibly date rape drugs.

 

4) She could test drinks or not drink what he offers her.

 

5) She could get a PI to check out her b/f and this situation... maybe even "steal" his video tapes. What does he really do for a living.

 

6) She could investigate the tapes herself.

 

7) She could invest in spying technology and find out what he's doing when she is passed like what is being said.

 

8) She could walk away from this relationship (she probably won't)

 

9) She could stay with the guy (she probably will)

 

10) She could write a best selling novel about this whole situation which becomes a blockbuster film.

 

I hope that whatever happens she still feels comfortable coming on here and asking for support from this community. I personally don't post on half this forum because I don't agree with people cheating, or using substances, or eating meat LOL! I realise people are human and they will do these things. They will seek advice and I hope they get what they want or need. If I have nothing constructive to say I don't comment. No point in flaming other people - we just agree to disagee, after all sometimes WE are wrong!

[Lishy]

Answer me this ...... Why would you take a drink off of a person who you believe could be drugging you? Why would you sip it when you could just pretend to sip it or just refuse it as you are not thirsty? Why would you worry that he may realise you are 'on to' him if you think he is innocent and such a nice guy?

 

It all smacks of lies to me!

 

Call me cynical but no one is that gullible! My 9 year old has more sense!

[aleatoryd]

Barney should teach the Opinion song!

 

 

Breaking out in song:

 

Opinions are opinions ,

your is yours and mine is mine,

thats all we have is just opinions,

except for scientist who have theorrrrrrryyyyyyyssssssss,

and they have to prove that they make sense.

............something about a**h***s...........and opinions ,,,,,ect ect ect.

 

LOL! I agree. Let's concentrate on trying to be helpful and not petty. I think afterwards we should sing "Why can't we be friends..."

[tinktronik]

LOL! I agree. Let's concentrate on trying to be helpful and not petty. I think afterwards we should sing "Why can't we be friends..."

Oh, not the" why can't we be friends "song is stuck in my head.

[aleatoryd]

Answer me this ...... Why would you take a drink off of a person who you believe could be drugging you? Why would you sip it when you could just pretend to sip it or just refuse it as you are not thirsty? Why would you worry that he may realise you are 'on to' him if you think he is innocent and such a nice guy?

 

 

Is that a rhetorical question? She could be living in denial, she could be trying to see the best in people, she could be a victim of abuse, she might just want to please people - look at her changing her hair colour. Note that she was really happy he liked it. He sounds possessive, insesitive, abusive and unhealthy but she chooses to stay with him. Her decision.

 

It all smacks of lies to me!

 

 

Doesn't make her a liar she just sees the situation differently - maybe she is deluded. I think she knows he is drugging her but it is hard for her to act when this is all she knows is she feels she needs him, and that he can be a "nice guy".

 

I think he sounds like a very scary person but SADLY he is in no way unique. There are men and women out there who treat people like this and the other person still stays in the situation.

 

Call me cynical but no one is that gullible!

 

I don't think you're cynical I tend towards agreeing with you and the other posters on many things. I just think that people "rationalise things" - "it must be me" "my fault" "what did i do wrong" before long you end up in a mindset that you are at fault... then you reduce things so you think "well he has got some good points" "surely he wouldn't do that to me" etc etc.

 

My 9 year old has more sense!

I don't think you should let her drink alcohol IMHO

 

There are some people who have "hard" childhoods and grow up and mature quickly to survive in life like a teenager raising their siblings, cooking, cleaning, washing etc and doing "adult" roles. Then there are 35 year old grown men who still depend upon their mothers to "mother" them. (I have 10 years left to sort myself out LOL!) We are all a product of our experiences and each of us have different views of right and wrong and how much we give, take or put up with in a relationship.

 

I remember speaking to a friend of a friend from the countryside near my parents - what we call the "foresters". She was telling my friend and I about how her ex b/f used to throw her down the stairs and beat her. I told her how shocked and disgusted I was but then she told me where she is from it is normal for guys to treat their g/f like that - it happens to all her friends. So what happens is a sad cycle where people grow up knowing no different. To think it was probably women who raised these "men". Irony never fails to amaze or sadden me.

[Touche]

Is that a rhetorical question? She could be living in denial, she could be trying to see the best in people, she could be a victim of abuse, she might just want to please people - look at her changing her hair colour. Note that she was really happy he liked it. He sounds possessive, insesitive, abusive and unhealthy but she chooses to stay with him. Her decision.

 

 

 

 

Doesn't make her a liar she just sees the situation differently - maybe she is deluded. I think she knows he is drugging her but it is hard for her to act when this is all she knows is she feels she needs him, and that he can be a "nice guy".

 

I think he sounds like a very scary person but SADLY he is in no way unique. There are men and women out there who treat people like this and the other person still stays in the situation.

 

 

 

I don't think you're cynical I tend towards agreeing with you and the other posters on many things. I just think that people "rationalise things" - "it must be me" "my fault" "what did i do wrong" before long you end up in a mindset that you are at fault... then you reduce things so you think "well he has got some good points" "surely he wouldn't do that to me" etc etc.

 

 

I don't think you should let her drink alcohol IMHO

 

There are some people who have "hard" childhoods and grow up and mature quickly to survive in life like a teenager raising their siblings, cooking, cleaning, washing etc and doing "adult" roles. Then there are 35 year old grown men who still depend upon their mothers to "mother" them. (I have 10 years left to sort myself out LOL!) We are all a product of our experiences and each of us have different views of right and wrong and how much we give, take or put up with in a relationship.

 

I remember speaking to a friend of a friend from the countryside near my parents - what we call the "foresters". She was telling my friend and I about how her ex b/f used to throw her down the stairs and beat her. I told her how shocked and disgusted I was but then she told me where she is from it is normal for guys to treat their g/f like that - it happens to all her friends. So what happens is a sad cycle where people grow up knowing no different. To think it was probably women who raised these "men". Irony never fails to amaze or sadden me.

 

 

Good post! Just wanted to comment on the last couple of sentences though. I don't think it's a matter of irony. It's often that these women raise their sons with the attitude that they can do no wrong. And then they grow up and actually believe that!

[Mary3]

There's too many "expert opinions" on here. Like most people here I followed and responded to the is mu boyfriend using me post. I had a bad feeling about that and then after reading this I thought WTF is this person a troll, deluded, crazy, whatever. Then I realised that yes it's idealistic but it really isn't our place to judge her. She came on here asking for advice - we present our views, show our concern and give advice on steps he could take. Not a thing any of us can do will make her change her decisions. We are not the OP and we view things differently.

 

The instant we start getting heated and throwing words around we just force the OP to stay away and then what we bicker? I respect the fact that many of the members here have personal experience, pop psychology and different ways of analysing situations. That is helpful. So let's carry on suggesting advice because who knows how many other people other than the OP will read this thread and find it helpful. We all have different coping mechanism and to some of us the decisions we make are easy while others spend years trapped in similar situations.

 

This whole thing bugs the hell out of me but I figure when we suggest things it makes it worse. e.g. He could have faked the camera auction in the other thread, he could be a pornographer, he could drug her, date rape, sell her body, film blackmail or pornography or fluffy bunnies in his backyard, and he could be interrogating her for her financial secrets. There are many things he could be doing and some he probably isn't. Our speculation is only fuelling this situation.

 

Here's what we can suggest:

 

1) Anyone in the OP's area could arrange together to meet somewhere safe like a coffee shop or something, and offer real world support.

 

2) She could talk to family or friends or counsellors.

 

3) She could seek medical advice especially regarding blackouts and possibly date rape drugs.

 

4) She could test drinks or not drink what he offers her.

 

5) She could get a PI to check out her b/f and this situation... maybe even "steal" his video tapes. What does he really do for a living.

 

6) She could investigate the tapes herself.

 

7) She could invest in spying technology and find out what he's doing when she is passed like what is being said.

 

8) She could walk away from this relationship (she probably won't)

 

9) She could stay with the guy (she probably will)

 

10) She could write a best selling novel about this whole situation which becomes a blockbuster film.

 

I hope that whatever happens she still feels comfortable coming on here and asking for support from this community. I personally don't post on half this forum because I don't agree with people cheating, or using substances, or eating meat LOL! I realise people are human and they will do these things. They will seek advice and I hope they get what they want or need. If I have nothing constructive to say I don't comment. No point in flaming other people - we just agree to disagee, after all sometimes WE are wrong!

Excellent Post !!! I really like your 10 ways she could go with this

[crazy_grl]

To me, HCG doesn't sound like she's lying at all. If she happens to be, then she's quite good at this.

 

She sounds like a woman in denial, who wants very deeply to believe her bf is a good guy and she has a good relationship. I've been there myself, and I think a lot of us have. Actually, I've read enough posts around here where people were in complete denial to know that other people have been there. Maybe we've never done it to the extent HCG has, but none of us have ever been in her exact situation either.

 

I can't fault HCG for not believing her bf is drugging her. I'd have a hard time believing someone I loved had drugged me. Even if the thought crossed my mind, I'd have a damn hard time really accepting it no matter how many people told me he was doing it. Hell, I might still even be in disbelief after I got a positive result from a drink testing kit. That's a *hard* and *painful* thing to accept. I think she drank the drink because she really doesn't believe he's drugging her.

 

Someone used an analogy about finding limbs, etc. and not suspecting anything because "he said it's ok", but as a matter of fact, people *have* seen signs that their partners are murders and simply believed whatever excuse they were given. I watched a real-life crime show where the wife found bones in her back yard and just accepted it when her husband told her some silly story. He was a serial killer, but she didn't think twice about it because she trusted her partner.

 

Anyway, I didn't intend to write so much, but my point is that I find HCG to be believable. Maybe I'm wrong and she's a liar, but I'd rather be made a fool out of for trying to help a faker than let someone who's really in need of help get ignored or criticized and chased away.

[HotCaliGirl]

I just logged on to see if Lyndia had responded to my PM, also to follow up with this thread I am keeping myself posting on...I am on #211 and just finished reading MOST not all of it because I am shocked Mary3 that you would say I am "screwy" and just everything you wrote, I thought you were a better person around here...

 

Let's see...my first post on this thread was April 22 - in FOUR days I should have DONE something about this, figured it all out when it took your friend NINE years..I am in the early stages of questioning what is going on, it is HARD to believe someone you are in love with would hurt you, and you guys don't even know half the story, I'm glad I took lindya's advice not to spill my guts becuase all it will do is make people either mock me, not understand and in the end make me feel worse.

 

And I have no idea what you mean by there was no food at the reception? All I said that i left before the cake was cut, there was an elaborate array of appetizers, and food...but anyways, I couldn't bear to even finish reading your post and maybe I'll stop by to read the rest of them. I'm glad I held back from saying worse things that are going on in the relationship even though it's tempting to get it out as I have nobody else to confide in, because yeah I'm a strong person but as soon as I am at my weakest point, everyone just loves to throw rocks to make themselves feel strong and all put together.

[TheSwordfish]

Instead of responding to all this speculation. please tell us how you are.

 

What has bene happenin? and have you talked to the doctor or police yet?

 

We are considerate! Wont judge you, just want to know how things are going.

[roxy_1980]

HotCaliGirl really needs this forum as a way to vent about what she's going through. Harassing her about details and saying over and over that you don't think it's real is NOT helpful. If you don't believe her, simply unsubsribe to the thread and ignore it. Otherwise, KEEP YOUR BIG KNOW IT ALL SARCASTIC MOUTHS SHUT! It's not productive and HCG is shutting everyone out because of it. That doesn't help. We are all here to help or at least we're supposed to be.

 

On behalf of the people that are hear to listen and not judge you immediately, HCG you will be heard.

[lindya]

I must have misunderstood. I was under the impression that you wanted the arguing to end in this thread so that HCG would not be overloaded and overwhelmed. It's not clear to me how taunting people into more posts defending their position is really helping your goal.

 

In answer to the first point, no you didn't misunderstand. In answer to the second point, and to remove some of the mist, if someone is drooling over someone else's problem and building themselves up by judging that person when they've hit a low point, then they're being a jackal and they should be told that they're a jackal in my opinion. If someone wants to react to me saying that then I don't mind...but I can't say I'm planning to spend much time reading any posts where a jackal is defending the act of being a jackal.

[Outcast]

it is HARD to believe someone you are in love with would hurt you,

 

And that is why you need to understand that's why people say 'love is blind'. You aren't seeing him through reality. You're viewing him through the rosy haze of love/lust that biology foists on humans to make them mate. The chemicals associated with love/lust actually undermine your thinking abilities (look it up - there's been studies) which is why it is critical for you to pay attention to what others, who are not awash in a hazy gauzy fog of adoration, are able to see that you are blind to.

[Mary3]

My response was to a comment " there was no reception at the Banquet Hall" I interpreted it to mean there was no wedding reception and now realize you mean phone reception.

 

I tried shock value to try and get you to see the seriousness of this situation.

 

When you said " You only had 4 days to think about this " I think the overall most recent new posts you have submitted and combined together worrying about your bf's * using you post * and * drugging you post * show that in combined total that this has been on your mind for more than 4 days .

 

But there is no time frame on discovery.

 

Its hoped that some of the advice here from all of us you will remember and be able to apply if needed .

 

I apologize if I upset you in any way.

 

You have alot of great qualities.

 

I can only think of just one word and that might be * naive * ( did I spell that right ? ) to what might be happening. Nothing wrong with that part. We all are to some degree to relative things.

 

I respectfully remove myself from any further comments on your post.

 

Good Luck.