panthera_leo Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 Hey to all out there who are coping with a recent breakup. Im in the midst of a breakup also but im finding a way of coping. This post isn't about my recent breakup... its about my experiences in a previous breakup, in which i was the dumper and hopefully it will give you an insight into a few things. First off, i think all situations are different, there are different reasons behind breaking up, people have different coping mechanisms etc. So this wont apply to all of you but just hear me out. Some of you are coping well - applying NC, getting on with ur lives, accepting that what you once had with your ex is well and truely over. Some of you are hoping for second chances - waiting around to see if they "change their minds". Some of you think... "omg i'v blown it, she/he'll never love me again - i want them back so much but it will never happen!" Im sure you can all relate... throughout your breakup you're probably thinking.. what if?.. will he/she come back?..will i see him/her again?.. will we be together in the future?.. it bloody drives you crazy! Here's a little insight into my experience... where i was the dumper...and pretty much all hope of reconciliation, on my behalf and on my parters, was lost. Wiith my first breakup i went through hell. We were together for a year and a half, he was my first love. Even though i was the dumper (we broke up due to extenuating circumstances, me goin to college, him joining the army). So i broke it off, i felt i had no choice. After a week into the breakup he starting seeing my friend who i went to school with. She would talk about how sweet he is, she'd laugh with other girls about the things he's told her about ME! I'd see them together - holding hands, kissing. I felt so hurt, i got angry. This breakup was so messy... we were both verbally abusive, we both felt anger toward eachother, spreading rumours etc (it wasn't nice). I hated him... i actually dispised him! After feeling like crap, i decided to get up and dust myself off. I didn't even think about reconciliation. The last thing on my mind was wanting to get back with him! I didn't want it to happen... all the feelings that i once had for him were slowly diminishing after all the anger and hatred and i wanted to move on. We didn't talk for a good 10 months... no contact whatsoever in that time, everything was left on REALLY bad terms. To be honest i didn't think about him much in that time at all, my focus was getting on with my life. Once i had had time out... time to think... time to be alone... i started to develop feelings for him again. One day i found myself thinking about him and i missed him so much. Even after EVERYTHING that happened, after all the abuse, anger, hatred, jealousy. After 11 months of NC we decided to meet, things developed and we got back together. I CANNOT STRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH NO CONTACT IS IMPORTANT. In my case, being the dumper, NC allowed me to take time out...to free myself, be alone, not to think about getting back together (i didn't even want it to happen), but to move on with my life. It just so happened that after i had this time to get on with my life, i missed him dearly... even after an extremely messy break up. I guess what im trying to say is... even if you break up on the worst terms there is no point on dwelling over it. People change their minds... i did. Im not saying you should hope for this to happen... by NO means should u wait around for them to change their minds. But, the moral behind this story is that the future is unpredictable, you have no idea who or what is round the corner. Our future is not laid out for us in black and white...its not like we can pick up a book and read about our future, we make it ourselves. Even though that relationship did not last, i still learnt alot from it. I learnt that, from a dumpers point of view, if you really care for someone you find a way of getting back their heart, no matter what the circumstances are. I thought i'd share it with you just to give another perspective. If you find urself wondering about the future - you have to stop, live for NOW because tomorrow is another day.
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