Ex's that can't stay away

[datboispiggs]

So, I've broken up with my ex girlfriend now for about 6 months. During these six months, about every two months of no contact she for some reason calls me which I will get to in a bit. I recently got back from Seattle visiting my brother who was going through the same thing with his ex so he decided to get a fresh start. I went out there with the intentions of seeing if I like the area which I really did. It was paradise mind you but it was a new area with new scenery and all that other good stuff. While I was out there, it was on a Friday that I left my cell phone to charge at his house cuase it was dead. Well when we got home I notice two missed calls from my ex (2:35 and 2:50) I didn't call her back cause I was in the middle of something with another woman that came out there with me.

 

The next day my brother who lives in Minnesota calls me and said that she had called him too. He didnt answer but we put the pieces together and found that she was calling him looking for me. I also got a call at 5 a.m Minnesota time (3 in Seattle) from a private number. I picked it up and started breathing really heavy. Then said "if you wanna talk please call from a non private number" and hung up. Of course it had to be her.

 

So fast forward a week. I was at a bar with friends and low and behold "trouble" walks in comes up to talk to my brother then proceeds to try and talk to me. I was having a good time and didn't want to ruin it by hanging around her so my brother said the best thing to do was just leave. We left and went to another bar for the rest of the night. Around bar close she calls me from her friends phone. I acted nice and she asked me to come give her a ride. I said I don't have my license and I don't think it's a good idea that we see eachother. So she said she was gonna walk to my house which is about 1.5 miles. I said that was a bad idea too cause a few of the woman I messed around with were there. She walks in my house demanding I talk to her. Her friend tells me to swallow my pride, I blow her off. I walk outside and she demands I talk for 5 minutes. The other females that were there were telling her to leave, and that it was obvious that I didn't want her there. They started arguing and I told one of them to get my shoes that I was gonna walk away. I started walking and my ex follows me. She said all this s*** about how she loves me, I said I did too but there was no chance in hell that I want to go through anything with you. The last time I seen her she poured a beer on my back in a bar cause I was talking to other females. She never apologized for this and I thought why be nice to her if she can't apologize.

 

So I walk away go to my room and lay in my bed with one of the other females to watch a movie. My ex stayed outside, then my brother brought her friend and her home, but the ex decided to come back. She came in my room seen the other chick and said for her to leave. The other female left and she sat and yelled at me till 6 a.m. The horniness in me started to want to do somethign I'd regret. I started taking her clothes off and stopped and said" Is this gonna be another one of those we mess around and I don't talk to you again till things go wrong with your new boyfriend? She said I don't know is it? So I stopped went back in my bed and fell asleep. She tried and tried to convince me to sleep with her but I'm not letting that s*** happen again. She didn't get what she wanted and left.

 

Dumb me a few nights later called her from a private number. She called back and asked if I did and I said no. She asked what I was doing I said walking home. Asked me if I needed a ride , I said no but we're gonna be grilling if ya'll are hungry. Her friend calls me and says that her boyfriend was with her while she was calling but he was inside at McDonalds and they were in the drive thru. When her friend dropped her and her boyfriend off she immediately started walking to my house. Called me to give her a ride. I didn't have my license and was risking about 90 days in jail if I got picked up. Plus another DWI. Im mental I know but I take care of my ladies when they need something. Went and met with her and asked her what she wants from me. She said she's been having problems with her friends, that they walk all over her and she does a lot for them. I said well I can't tell you what to do you're an adult and can make decisions for your own. She called me an a**h*** so I said I'm leaving. She fussed and fussed took my keys gave em back and walked out my truck. I drove away. She was calling and calling. I didn't answer cause I was talking to her friend. I finally called her back and she said s*** about how she prays for me to be safe everynight, and bla bla. I said you never call when you're sober. She said neither do you. I said you tell me to not call you so I respect your wishes. Then she starts screaming so I hang up.

 

The next day I text her saying. I think we need to talk and straighten things out, you can do that much for me can't you?..... No reply. Later on I find that my mom and step dad called my brother for my ex phone number cause she used to cut their hair. Off all the hairstylists in this town they gotta call her. So now I have neglected my mother for that reason. I don't talk to her. This chick really messes with my head and everytime I'm starting to get over everything she comes back in and I tell my mom this and she tells me to move on. I don't know what I'm looking for. Im moving away to Seattle in a month, I changed my phone number so I dont have these problems anymore. I only gave it to people I know won't talk to her. I know no contact is a must which I do all the time. But what if she comes over? Do I be an ass and tell her to leave or be nice and kill her with kindness and make her cringe that she knows she'll never have me again when she knows who I am as a person. HELP HELP HELP

Sorry so long

[silentcharon]

Your ex lady is in denial mode.

 

For starters, sit her down and tell her that while you care for her, you are no longer her partner. She is simply not ready to be JUST friends with you, for this reason, you should maintain no contact.

 

To do the no contact thing, DON'T answer her texts, emails, phone calls, or smoke signals. Also, tell anyone who she contacts to respect your no contact status quo and not direct her to you. She is finding ways to get a hold of you through people, and how are people going to help you get through the break up if they keep letting her get in touch with you through them? For example, your mom- she thinks you should get over her, blah, blah, move on, blah blah, and yet asks you or your brother for her number so she can cut her hair. So, please, please, for your sanity, explain to people that you really are trying to stay away from her.

 

If she comes over, and you are busy, simply tell her you are busy and cannot have company over at this time. Or don't answer the door if you know it's her. If you really must, stay somewhere else for a while where you know she won't be able to find you, at least until you move to seattle.

 

Be an ass only when you must, but be nice about it. Killing her with kindess at this point won't work, she simply isn't getting it. Good luck!

 

 

[murtucky]

I went through something similar, do not contact her. Tell your friends/family to not bring her up, and that you care not to know about her.

 

Time will heal you. It seems like the wound is still trying to heal...do not pick at it, or it will scar.

 

You get everything you need in life, it is up to you be Pro-active and not reactive...

[datboispiggs]

Ok so here's the kicker to this story. A few days later she comes over after a night of drinking with my brother. Yeah they hang out more and talk to eachother more than her and I. Nothing about them doing anything sexually or anything. She tells me she wants to marry me, move to Seattle when I move and get on with our life. I told her I don't want a relationship with her, cause she's a liar and will never change. The main reason I think she came around was because while she gave my mom a haircut, my mom told her I went out to Seattle with another chick. Well I recently changed my phone number so she would contact me but then my mother,who I never told her it either, looked it up on the internet while my ex was over. She calls me and wants to talk. I ignore it and this is when she comes over.

So few days go by and we don't talk. We did sleep together that night, but just because I was horny. Ok so I know her password to her voicemail account, but never check it when we are broke up, just when she comes back around wanting to start something up again. So a few days ago she was in town and called me but I was out of town. She left messages singing songs and saying that she loves me. Well I got back to town and on the way back I called her. I asked her about this other guy she was dating and gets mad. Well later that night she was hanging with my brother and my roommate downtown. She was asking where I was and usually would come over after bar closed or so I thought. Well my roommate said she was talking to this dude, who I know, when he left. Just them to alone. So I called her at 4:30 and her phone was off. So I checked her voicemails and one of her friends was checking to see if she was ok. She says " Last time I checked you were talking to that guy from the baseball team, but then when I tried getting into so and so bar you were talking to "D" the previous boyfriend. I know this chick went home with him. And she has been calling him stringing him and I along. I'm not going to talk to her anymore but what do I do if she comes over with my brother or something like last time. I'm seriously gonna get a restraining order against her. I'm doing fine without her, but she always gives me hope that she is genuinely sorry for everything thats happened and wants to seriously marry me. How can someone seriously do this s***. I could have slept with her former coworker but didnt cause I respect her. Now she does this to me. Things are going to get ugly. Rio you're like my saviour please help me. I have no close friends around here that I trust talking to. My father did this s*** to my mom. And my mom just doesnt get it. Please help

[murtucky]

why did you keep going back....

 

you said, we don't talk...but we slept together that night.

you imply, she needs to leave me alone....then you are checking her voicemail????

 

you are doing this to yourself.

get rid of her, if you are really doing fine, find another girl and move away.

period.

 

screw your brother, mother, and everyone else. they all seem to think drama helps end the story. it doesn't.

[daphne]

You're not doing anything to keep her out of your life. You'd never even get a restraining order anyway since you have slept with her and you call her too.

 

You need to take responsibility in teh situation and go no contact if you want the drama to stop. You are sending her mixed messages too. Not that I feel bad for her because she sounds like a head case.

[datboispiggs]

So the last time I talked to her she hung up on me. Well the next few days she was hanging out with this other guy she was dating. I've figured out that this woman is scandalous and doesn't want me to move on. Her friend always asks my brother where I'm at and what I'm doing. Presumably to find out what I am doing for her friends information. Saturday night it was my brothers birthday. He was down at the bar where my ex used to work . While sitting there talking to my ex's friend, my ex walks in with this other guy. My brother damn near flips out. My ex says to him that I already had my chance. Wow had my chance. Wasn't I the one who denied you a chance at antoerh relationship cause I don't trust you? Yeah pretty much. I called her out on her bluff. She doesn't want to be with me but doesn't want anyone else to be with me either.

 

This is similar to the things she did to her ex when we first started going out. The signs are all there and everything is adding up to exactly what I guessed. Does anyone else second that this other guy is a rebound and that she'll go back to him when things don't pan out with us. Then when things don't pan out with them she sneaks her way back to me? Whats the word for woman like this? It no longer bothers me that she's with this other guy. I no longer have to put up with her psychotic behavior. The thing that bothers me as that her friend knew what was going on and refused to tell me. When I did nothing to her friend at all. Oh well I guess hoes before bro's is the word for this. Well tough s*** lady cause now you started a war. Does your other co worker think I'm sexy? Yes. And if I get another chance to lay her down willl I proceed this time? Yes. Ah how I love how the world works. Is payback too childish or should I just focus on what really matters, and thats me? Any insight would be appreciated.

[Ruff Ryder]

I have the same issue, ex broke it off and now keeps calling and texing and all that jazz. Wants me to visit and spend the night... etc etc....

 

I think she made a decion and she must live with it.

 

I have moved on and possibly found the next on 7 months later. In fact the ex has just e-mailed me again.

 

Well all I can say is make a decision and live it.