Guest - BB Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I stumbled over this site last night and have read a lot of helpful posts - but there's one thing I have seen anyone address. The thing that makes getting dumped so hard by someone you truly love is remembering the things they said - BIG things, WONDERFUL things - like about how they love you so much, and want to marry you some day, and God brought you together, and how they love you with all their heart and soul, and they way they were looking at you when they said it, like it was from the deepest part of their soul. You have a deep connectedness that you are so happy you've finally found and you let down all your guard and love them back. And, then they just change their mind? What is that? And no, I've never done that to anyone. I would never say those things unless I knew they were real and true, and I was ready to commit to them.
AltplanB2 Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Man i wish you hadn't reminded me of all that. Now im thinking about those moments.
chocolate_boy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Sad fact is, lots of people say things in the heat of the moment, depending on how they feel at that exact time. However, like the wind, people's emotions, tastes and feelings change depending on many things. Often people just don't turn out to be the people you think they are. I've been there myself, thought I loved someone and wanted to spend forever with them, then as the years progressed, one of us (or both) changed or reveal more of our true selves, and you realise this isn't the person you do really want to be with. In a way i suppose you can never really trust in "love" and I've learnt that, and I hope in the future it doesn't mean I'll put less effort or feeling into relationships (actually I tried that, and seemed to fall just as hard, doh!). They probably did mean what they said at the time however, so it's not really "lies".
BBetsy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Okay, so I went ahead and registered! Still those are pretty big things to say in the moment, you'd think people over 30 years old would know better. I know they weren't "lies" but still, it makes you never able to believe or trust those words - if anyone ever says them to you again...
In Sync Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 The question we should ask ourselves is why do we trust so much in the words of others. It's ones actions that speak louder than words. If someone says that something that is almost so phenonminally great and we believe it then they change their minds quickly..either they said those words they knew would appease you or there was something going on with that person that you were not looking really seeing...
sick of it Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 so if it could just be heat of the moment, can you ever believe it?
In Sync Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 just learn to change the pattern in dealing in relationships...just because the package is pretty on the outside doesn't mean everything is right on the inside. Give the relationship time..yes you can enjoy the person the sex the good times...but that doesn't mean one has to buy the sweet nothings that trip out of their mouths. Smile if they say it and see by their actions if that 'I love you like no other' continues...Sometimes people do just like to say "I love you" and oops they didn't really really mean it. Therefore you are in control of not really really buying it when its spoken...accept the words but give you and your partner time and watch that the actions match the words...We all want love and to be love...but we can be wiser in how we chose to love.
BBetsy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Well, sure if it was like that, but I'm talking about a long term relationship (2 yrs) where we discussed all the things we wanted and needed in a relationship and seemed to be deeply connected partners - until the last few months when he started pulling away and then dumped me... I guess some people are just careless with their words and promises...which I don't understand because I certainly know better than to be that way. He's 50 years old, I thought he was at a point in his life where he would know better, too.
chocolate_boy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Well, sure if it was like that, but I'm talking about a long term relationship (2 yrs) where we discussed all the things we wanted and needed in a relationship and seemed to be deeply connected partners - until the last few months when he started pulling away and then dumped me... I guess some people are just careless with their words and promises...which I don't understand because I certainly know better than to be that way. He's 50 years old, I thought he was at a point in his life where he would know better, too. As I said it may not be carelessness or heat of the moment, just as the relationship progressed you turned out not to be the person they thought you were/wanted, or their taste changed. No bad thing on your part, just you weren't for them, and they realised that.
DogBrain Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 BBetsy, Hang in. Most folks what they want to believe. Often the real truth has to fight a bit to get recognized. Age has nothing to do with it. Being a thoughtless coward is not age-specific as I'm finding out. db
AltplanB2 Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 yea In Sync i think thats a terrible way of going about it when it comes to expressing ones emotions. Saying "I love you" and then waiting to see if it actually is true is extremely dangerous and can make someone really hurt when it turns out to be a falsehood. I believe that it is more pertinant to instead spend enough time with one another and to be so confident in the feeling of love that you are for sure ready to tell them. Even though hurt can still proceed, such as in my case, i believe that their is less of a chance of it occuring.
In Sync Posted April 22, 2006 Posted April 22, 2006 yea In Sync i think thats a terrible way of going about it when it comes to expressing ones emotions. Saying "I love you" and then waiting to see if it actually is true is extremely dangerous and can make someone really hurt when it turns out to be a falsehood. I believe that it is more pertinant to instead spend enough time with one another and to be so confident in the feeling of love that you are for sure ready to tell them. Even though hurt can still proceed, such as in my case, i believe that their is less of a chance of it occuring. I'm confused AltplanB2, why is it a terrible plan. It's a different way of thinking and acting. If someone says I love you, you automatically believe it ? Did I say build a wall around you. Or reject them. You are in the relationship too. Has there ever been a time when you met someone and it was quick and in the throes you say 'I love you.' Yeah, it felt good. But down the line you realized well maybe you liked them alot...love is intense. So maybe we could all say to ourselves is it love or I do I like them alot. Did that that person say I love you so early in the relationship. I've heard plenty of people say it seems so quick and then poof the other persons starts to cool down and hedging...What's wrong with chillin and seeing the actions of a person if that is love. Haven't ypu ever heard of the guy/gal say they to their gf/bf and then turn the corner and they are telling another the same words? Lots of people say I love you and don't mean it. Afterall they are words.
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