BeHappy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 My ex broke up with a couple of week ago. We have been together over 10 years. About five years ago, he told me that he wants to see other people because he is young and wants to gain other more experience. But he does not want to break up with me because we been together for so long. Until one day, he met this woman. One day, she told him that she like him, but he told her that he does have a girlfriend. They remain best friends. I am very uncomfortable about it. For the next three years, I found out that he has a picture of her in his wallet, he wants and did spend time with her while I went to Bahamas with my girlfriend and when we have an argument even if it is about her, he confine in her for support. There were other stuff happened in the relationship, but I didn’t want to break up with him because deep inside, I want to make it work because we have been together for so long. But I couldn’t give my 100% of my heart into this relationship. I don’t know if I can trust him. I felt so insecure. After that we took some time apart. In the end, we decided to make it work and start “FRESH” For the next two years, I tried my best to make it work with him. Until recently, I was going through so much family problem. I was scared to death if the nurse will hurt my dad in nursing home because I was complaining that the nurse refused to help him this shower. Most important I was so frightened that the fact that my mom would pass away because the doctors don’t know what is wrong with her. All she complaining about he has so much pain and peeing out blood. And I was so terrified that I need to tell my grandmother that she needs to have a surgery because she fell on the sidewalk and broke her cheekbone. This all happened from October to December 2005. I also felt that my ex and I was not growing in the relationship. My mom and grandma were telling me that they don’t think they will live to see me get marry. In January 2006, I decided to take a break because I can’t deal with my family and fighting with my boyfriend for growing and give me more support and understand. I told him that it is not him. It is about me to figure something out. In February 2006, he said that he needs to figure things out and can’t fogive me for the past that I withdraw from him and he was depress from October to December 2005. He told me that he need times to figure what is the best for the both of us. In the end of Feb, we went on three different dates and tried to work things out. By the beginning to March, he said he can’t take it and broke up with me. In the beginning, I called to ask him to work it out. I still love him. But my friend told me that in the long run, if he is not there for you when you are having so much family problem, it is not worth it. I want to know what other people think of my problem and give me feedback. Thanks. I haven’t spoke to him since March 23.
tikigods Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 your friend is right, anyone that claims to love you will be there for you during the hard times in your life. I think its time for you to move on, he sounds like he just wants to have fun right now, and its time for you to do the same for you
Author BeHappy Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 he email and text message me for to wish me a happy birthday... i just said thank you... he ask me about how's life? job? my family?.... should i response...
batesal Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Do you think you should respond? You can if you want, but if you do you need to keep it short and sweet. If he replies, then you need to now respond. He wants to stay in your life, just enough to know that if he is unhappy with what he has done, he can come back. I cannot say that I have been in the same exact shoes, but I have been through something like that before. Your friends are right. If your boyfriend of 10 years, who has grown with your family, friends, and you cannot be there for you at the hard times in your life, he doesn't turely love you. He cares about you, but he doesn't love you. I am really sorry that you are having family problems, and I am also sorry that he hasn't been there for you. You are right 10 years is a long time in a relationship, very long time. Another thing. You say that he has been talking to another girl for 3 years? He had pictures of this girl in his wallet? Well I personally beleive that he had been seeing her, while you were at work, or whatever. Have you ever met her? Him talking to her for support is bad. I have always felt that if a guy is having problems with a woman, or a relationship talking to someone who likes him, or is attracted to him, they will give advice that makes them win their trust, love and affection. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL IN MY OPINION. Now that he is gone, you will find someone who will not do this to you. Just my thought on this...
Author BeHappy Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 you are so right batesal.... After a couple of months of looking back at my 10 year relationship, i have put up with a lot of his s***...it's has been clearer to me... Enough is enough... i just can't forgive myself if i reply to him or try to be his friend after all this... but it still hurts so much... i have met her once... but my feeling of her is not so great...
milokins Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 In my experience, you have to trust your insticts. I had a boyfriend who ran into a girl from fifth grade and they suddenly became great friends. She would call at 2 am all the time and he wouldn't answer the phone if I was with him. I had a bad feeling but he always dismissed me and said that he'd known her since they were kids. We broke up and a year later I found out he had cheated on me, with her. It's hard to believe that the person you love could do that to you but you have to trust your gut.
Author BeHappy Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 My x and that girl talk all the time. Everytime when some girl call him, he refused to pick up when i am around. Some time he wound shut off his phone. I am so blind that i refused to believe that he may have feeling for someone else or change of heart. I feel so st-pid that i have hope that our relationship still can work out. Beside not being there for me during family problem. He told me that i withdraw from him and made him feel really insecure... I told him that i did not withdraw from him... And he forgive me for everything i have done to him and made him depress and he wants to be happy for once... i still don't know what i have done to him to make him say all these mean stuff to me. Is it so wrong that i ask for marriage after 10 years together... I feel that i am turning 29 year old. i want to get marry and start have kids soon. i feel like i have to beg for my relationship to grow... i am so frustrate and miserable that why i am have to wait so long for him to propose. There is always some excuse that we are not growing... I am tired of waiting around... it hurts so much...
batesal Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I had a boyfriend who ran into a girl from fifth grade and they suddenly became great friends. She would call at 2 am all the time and he wouldn't answer the phone if I was with him. I had a bad feeling but he always dismissed me and said that he'd known her since they were kids. We broke up and a year later I found out he had cheated on me, with her. It's hard to believe that the person you love could do that to you but you have to trust your gut. This is what happened to me and when I found out the truth, it hurt like hell. Well it isn't all that exact, but most of what is said here is what happened. Anytime a man/woman Bf/gf is/are talking to someone after 1:00 AM and they are at home with you, you should be worried. Unless it is a seriously good friend who doesn't like that person. Why do I say that, easy. because most of the people here who have told me that someone has left them for someone else, or they cheated on their current relationship, to me it feels like no matter what that person says they are lying. Yeah it is very hard to believe that someone who you loved and cared deeply about who go out and cheat on you. All I have to say is that people get what they deserve. THey may say everything is OK, but do you think that? I don't cause they like to sit around and do nothing when they can be doing alot. OH well.. Life does go on whether it is with your ex or not. Nobody needs their ex to live life.
milokins Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 This guy totally got what he deserved. He tried to get back together with me but I refused. Last year, on my birthday, he was at the same bar as me. I was polite but definately not nice to him. He followed me around all night then disappeared. It turns out one of my friends sat him down and told him to get out of my life, that he would never have another chance with me and he left the bar crying. I ran into him a couple of weeks ago at a mutual friend's party and he wouldn't even look at me. I found out he moved to some small town and his new girlfriend is a total bitch that walks all over him and all of his friends hate.
Pantero Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 BeHappy: I didn't read the other posts. This guy is a d-ck. He plays around on you, and when you sincerely tried to make it work being the bigger person and looking past all the bullsh-t, he turns around and blames you for "ignoring him" when you had trouble?!?! I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but if you can't turn to your S/O for at least a little bit of support, what's the point?! I know you were with him a long time, but this guy is too selfish. F-ck him. You deserve better. Good luck with everything.
Author BeHappy Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 Thank You! It will be easy to understand if he has a change of heart or he is no longer in love with me, but to blame me for not loving him or withdrawn for him. After I told him I did not, he does not believe in me after 10 years. Why would I be with you for 10 years and want to marry and have his kids if I didn’t love you? Since I met him ten years ago, I know I want to marry him. I just did not want to wait any longer. 10 years is way too long. My friends tell me it is a st-pid excuse. My friends tell me that I deserve better. On our last three dates, we had sex and a week later, he said that he could not continue with this relationship. I asked him why would he do it with me. He said that he has urge. I can’t believe this cause I would only do it when I really love you. It shouldn’t be causal thing. And he knows that. I believe what goes around, comes around.
batesal Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I believe what goes around, comes around. I so beleive in this. You know I so hope that my ex gets hurt so bad that she doesn't think that she is the s***, cause you know when I met her she was the scared quiet person, now she is all over the place sleeping with men, cheating, its soo funny. I am proud that I was able to make her open up her life to me, but I am not happy for her cheating and lying to me about how she really cared. She has changed, and I personally feel, that she has changed for the bad. I soo beleive in KARMA, and if it doesnt come with a breakup, it will come with something happening that she will reget.
Author BeHappy Posted May 31, 2006 Author Posted May 31, 2006 ONE DAY... they will learn from their mistakes
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