francis Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 it's impossible to view your connection with his parents as separate and distinct of their association with your ex he's their son and the only reason you were in their lives was because of their son priority for them their son's feelings
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 it's impossible to view your connection with his parents as separate and distinct of their association with your ex he's their son and the only reason you were in their lives was because of their son priority for them their son's feelings Ok, I have YET to say I wanted to remain in any sort of contact with them. Go back, reread that line again. That said, taking the time to say a line or two to someone does not in any way make me priority over their son.
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Ok, admittedly, I had some expectations. What I expected in my head was a card that said no more than "Thank you for the post cards and sorry about what happened. Good luck with your life." Ok, lets say you dumped him KM and started dating someone else....and then your ex send your parents a small gift + card. What would you do or say? What would your parents do or say? What would you tell your parents to do or say?
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Ok, lets say you dumped him KM and started dating someone else....and then your ex send your parents a small gift + card. What would you do or say? What would your parents do or say? What would you tell your parents to do or say? My mother would write back saying thank you, sorry for what happened and we'll miss you. I know 100% she would definetly do this, although I can't say whether or not she would tell me. But that would be it.
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Ok, admittedly, I had some expectations. What I expected in my head was a card that said no more than "Thank you for the post cards and sorry about what happened. Good luck with your life." I guess I was just surprised I got nothing, based on knowing his mom. :::lowers expectations of people even more...::: I hear your disappointment, I really do. Again, there are too many variables in a situation like this for a response on their part to equal having manners, and a lack of a response on their part to equal not having manners. (Btw, I was saying that a card/small gift is something you send without expectations. I was not saying you have to lower your expectations of people. Two totally different things.)
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 I hear your disappointment, I really do. Again, there are too many variables in a situation like this for a response on their part to equal having manners, and a lack of a response on their part to equal not having manners. (Btw, I was saying that a card/small gift is something you send without expectations. I was not saying you have to lower your expectations of people. Two totally different things.) You're really right about the variables. I don't know jack, in reality. But I am really surprised by some of the reactions to this. Sometimes I ask myself why I bother being nice when so much of the rest of humanity doesn't seem to give a damn about doing stuff for others, even little things that take no effort at all, only what they get out of a situation, good or bad. It makes me feel... out of place and idealistic. Not that I'd change though.
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I think you mentioned somewhere that she sent you a Christmas gift late, so she may not be the most prompt person. Plus, everyone processes at different speeds. She may respond to you in the future and not as quickly as you would have liked. But, this is going off onto all those other variables that I mentioned. I would stay more focused on you. I just thought of something which could be WAY off base... do you think maybe you were looking for her kind response to sort of... validate the relationship for you? From your other posts you sound like you already know you had a very meaningful relationship but is there some part of you that wants the assurance anyway?
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 I think you mentioned somewhere that she sent you a Christmas gift late, so she may not be the most prompt person. Plus, everyone processes at different speeds. She may respond to you in the future and not as quickly as you would have liked. But, this is going off onto all those other variables that I mentioned. I would stay more focused on you. I just thought of something which could be WAY off base... do you think maybe you were looking for her kind response to sort of... validate the relationship for you? From your other posts you sound like you already know you had a very meaningful relationship but is there some part of you that wants the assurance anyway? Actually, she sent the gift late because she was looking for something very specific on Ebay. Then there was issues w/ paypal on the sellers end, so it was early Feb before it worked out. Wonderful gift though. There is a level of validation. But considering what I just wrote, I suppose I shouldn't be seeking it. I know they cared for me. Maybe I just want that extra little thing to finalize it. I'm not going to be hung up on this, really. It's just my pondered thought du jour.
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 But I am really surprised by some of the reactions to this. Sometimes I ask myself why I bother being nice when so much of the rest of humanity doesn't seem to give a damn about doing stuff for others, even little things that take no effort at all, only what they get out of a situation, good or bad. It makes me feel... out of place and idealistic. Not that I'd change though. We all have our own various backgrounds that result in how we engage with the world. As with anything in life, in this forum I take the opinions that really hit home for me or the ones that cause me to rethink an existing belief, and the others I leave here in cyberspace. Actually, she sent the gift late because she was looking for something very specific on Ebay. Then there was issues w/ paypal on the sellers end, so it was early Feb before it worked out. Wonderful gift though. There is a level of validation. But considering what I just wrote, I suppose I shouldn't be seeking it. I know they cared for me. Maybe I just want that extra little thing to finalize it. I'm not going to be hung up on this, really. It's just my pondered thought du jour. Yeah, sounds like you already answered exactly what popped into my head... which was to weigh your whole 6 yr relationship rather than focus only on this one card you sent her in a sticky situation such as a post breakup. :)
chocolate_boy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 agreed 2SUNNY, unless you are CALIGUY in which case you would expect to stay in contact with the ex's mom Lol, stop it! Sorry CG, but that was funny, no malice intended.
CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 agreed 2SUNNY, unless you are CALIGUY in which case you would expect to stay in contact with the ex's mom Ah but again Alpha you failed to comprehend. The ex's mom is staying in contact with me, not the other way around. I don't initiate contact with her but I'm not a jerk to her when she does.
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Shelters- I like your advice. It's far more productive than the often stated sentiment I see here: "f*** it and move on."
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Ah but again Alpha you failed to comprehend. The ex's mom is staying in contact with me, not the other way around. I don't initiate contact with her but I'm not a jerk to her when she does. HEY! Go back to your own thread about mothers and families!!!!
a4a Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 KM I would imagine it is painful to peel away another layer of the relationship and just throw it in the trash. I suppose you are also wondering if they really don't give a damn about you. To be honest they probably do but not as much as you think they should.
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Shelters- I like your advice. It's far more productive than the often stated sentiment I see here: "f*** it and move on." Awe. Thanks! I'm big on compassion. I don't personally find it productive to approach situations from a place of anger ("f*** it and move on"). I like to approach all situations from the heart... and once I can fine tune some boundary stuff I'll be a pretty good balanced person, me thinks.
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 KM I would imagine it is painful to peel away another layer of the relationship and just throw it in the trash. I suppose you are also wondering if they really don't give a damn about you. To be honest they probably do but not as much as you think they should. I'm sure they give a damn about me. I don't expect them to comfort me. In fact, I hope they encourage my ex to really examine his emotions and what happened between us, grow from the experience, etc. However, I am pretty sure they will just encourage him to pursue his career (which he already does obsessively), and he'll become even more emotionally disengaged. Well, anyways, that's just another can of worms I'm not going to open.
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Let it go already!!!! Jeeez.... See what I mean about that sentiment? :lmao:
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 See what I mean about that sentiment? :lmao: hahahha Well c'mon now, the other Mom post received well over a hundred posts and this one hasn't even reached 50 so we've got some work to do!! You sure you don't want to open up the other can of worms about his career ambitions??? j/k
CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 HEY! Go back to your own thread about mothers and families!!!! Hey I was going to offer some advice and then saw Alpha still hasn't been able to "let go" yet.
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Hey I was going to offer some advice and then saw Alpha still hasn't been able to "let go" yet. I'm just having some fun CG...don't take it that serious.
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