KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 After a break-up of a LTR, should I expect to hear anything from his parents? My ex and I were together over 6 years. My family loved him, his family seemed to like me a lot too. A few weeks after the break-up, I sent his family a card thanking them for always accepting me and treating me so nicely, telling them that I would miss them, and wishing them luck on upcoming things (liek his sister going to medical school). I also included two vintage post cards for his mother. I never heard anything back, not even a "thank you" for the cards. Should I have expected anything? It wasn't a "bad" break-up, but I am seriously wondering how he played it off to his parents- maybe that it was more mutual than it was? Or are they just staying out of it, or siding with their son, etc. Granted, my family hasn't contacted my ex at all. But I feel like I should have at least gotten a thanks for the gift. This is sort of trivial, but I get sort of a "snubbed" feeling. what do y'all think?
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 After a break-up of a LTR, should I expect to hear anything from his parents? no, you should not.
2sunny Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 No, you should not expect them to correspond with you at all. They are true to his side, as they are HIS family and will defend him whether he is right or wrong. I was with my exH more than 20 years and we split last summer because he was unfaithful. I have not heard from his Mom or his brother at all. I loved his Dad dearly and we didn't speak at all for about 4 months. We were all very close. Blood runs very deep though, keep that in mind. You shouldn't expect to correspond in any way.
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 You shouldn't expect to correspond in any way. agreed 2SUNNY, unless you are CALIGUY in which case you would expect to stay in contact with the ex's mom
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 I would never expect them to do anything other than "back" him. But no "thank you" at least seems like bad manners I would have never expected from his family. It seems a little ridiculous to me that there couldn't have been one final moment of cordiality between us, especially after so long. I don't exepct any regular correspondence. Maybe I just expect too much from people...
bab Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Maybe he asked them not to respond, or maybe they think it's best if this is a clean break for all involved, and do not want to run the risk of getting involved.
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Maybe I just expect too much from people... hey man....if you two aren't together anymore then they don't owe you diddly squat
a4a Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Perhaps they are smart and do not wish to complicate things or get involved at all.
2sunny Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I would never expect them to do anything other than "back" him. But no "thank you" at least seems like bad manners I would have never expected from his family. It seems a little ridiculous to me that there couldn't have been one final moment of cordiality between us, especially after so long. I don't exepct any regular correspondence. Maybe I just expect too much from people... Set your emotions aside and approach it more like a man would. To expect a thank you at this stage of the scenario is just trivial. Look at the bigger picture and move on with positive thoughts and actions instead of dwelling on something so minor.
francis Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 i agree they simply don't want to involve themselves maybe they just want to stay out of it they are staying well clear their loyalties are clearly going to lie with their son
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Set your emotions aside and approach it more like a man would. To expect a thank you at this stage of the scenario is just trivial. Look at the bigger picture and move on with positive thoughts and actions instead of dwelling on something so minor. I'm not really dwelling on it, just after knowing his family, especially his mom, I sort of expected at least a small, final gesture. It's been far past the point where I would have expected anything, I was just curious about other's take on this. I guess they probably want to stay out of it. It's not about "loyalty". Just manners. But I'm not going to think "like a man" and set aside my emotions. Why take that step down? Screw apathy. It destroys the world and people on a regular basis, I have no interest in contributing to that.
Adunaphel Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I am not surprised they did not reply (probably they thought it would complicate things), but it is very likely that they appreciated the gesture.
Adunaphel Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Now that I think of it...a close guy friend of mine texted his ex-gf 's mother when they broke up. Just to thank her for having been really nice to him. (He and his gf were in a LDR, which lasted only a few months, but they got to know each other's parents. Both of them stayed over for a few days on more than an occasion at each other's place, and they both still live with their families). Well, about a week later he got a nice text message in reply from her (ex -gf's mother), who very likely sent it without telling her daughter. There might be a variety of reasons why they did not reply. But you might get *very* belated thanks one day, who knows.
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 There might be a variety of reasons why they did not reply. But you might get *very* belated thanks one day, who knows. Sadly enough, during our break-up talk (which for some reason we just could not sustain so we kept switching topics and taking little "breaks" from the inevitable finality) we said how it sucked because we liked each other's families so much. It really kinda sucks to cut ties with them as well.
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 we said how it sucked because we liked each other's families so much. It really kinda sucks to cut ties with them as well. but this can be a blessing in disguise also. Just think KM, if we all had to stay in contact with all of our ex's families we'd have 100 more people to deal with in our lives. Its a convenient and clean break. And what if his family wasn't that great? I've been divorced since 1997 and haven't talked with any of her family even thought they were great people.
In Sync Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 The biggest lesson we each must learn is not to tie oursleves to how we expect each person to behave. We can only be accountable for our own actions and intentions. For this reason, you will not walk around every second being disappointed by anyone's reaction or lack of action. You did something out of kindness and let it go. If you wait for a thank you, then the act came with a string attached. When you do get a 'thank you' in return consider it a gift as well.
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 but this can be a blessing in disguise also. Just think KM, if we all had to stay in contact with all of our ex's families we'd have 100 more people to deal with in our lives. Its a convenient and clean break. And what if his family wasn't that great? I've been divorced since 1997 and haven't talked with any of her family even thought they were great people. This is a blessing? I love having a gajillion people in my life! And more! But that's just me. I tend to seperate people out as individuals, rather than see them defined by their loyalties and associations, even their blood! I don't think this is a bad thing, but I can see how it would be tough for many people to live like this. I can tell you, though it comes with a lot of joy sometimes, you obviously get a lot of disappointment too.
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I guess they probably want to stay out of it. It's not about "loyalty". Just manners. I can see your point though I don't think it qualifies as bad manners. There are too many variables at play that you have no control over (whether he may have requested that they not be in contact with you, whether they believe that by acknowledging your card it will lead to more communication from you, whether they even believe it is actually 'over' for the two of you, and on and on and on). In my opinion, a card such as the one you sent should be sent FOR YOU (for your own closure) and without expectations attached to it.
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 I can see your point though I don't think it qualifies as bad manners. There are too many variables at play that you have no control over (whether he may have requested that they not be in contact with you, whether they believe that by acknowledging your card it will lead to more communication from you, whether they even believe it is actually 'over' for the two of you, and on and on and on). In my opinion, a card such as the one you sent should be sent FOR YOU (for your own closure) and without expectations attached to it. The CARD itself was sent w/o expectation- I guess I'm a bit hung up on the GIFT. Damn manners! It's not like I think of this as a major transgression, I don't even know why I am thinking about it today, it's been a long time since I sent the card. Maybe I'm just too tired this morning... blah. More coffee!
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 The CARD itself was sent w/o expectation- I guess I'm a bit hung up on the GIFT. Damn manners! Why were you sending his Mom a gift post break up in the first place?
alphamale Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Why were you sending his Mom a gift post break up in the first place? cause she's following CALIGUY's philosophy of getting your ex back.
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 cause she's following CALIGUY's philosophy of getting your ex back. Oh, Alpha... you are like the little boy who keeps picking on the girl he has a crush on... are there some feelings for CG that you would like to confess??
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Why were you sending his Mom a gift post break up in the first place? Because I like his mom, and I found some vintage postcards she likes of the town they live in. I had sent her one only about a month before too in a thank you card, after she sent me a belated Christmas gift. And a couple a few years back. They're kinda rare, so I have been picking them up when I find them. I had been planning on sending the post-break thank you card anyways, I included the postcards just because. I just wanted to do something nice. I certainly don't think a couple of postcards are going to get me my ex back! (although it would be cool if that was how easy it was... )
shelters Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I had been planning on sending the post-break thank you card anyways, I included the postcards just because. Well, if it were really 'just because' then let go of the expectation you are attaching to it. Note: I am not in yours shoes and have no clue what sort of relationship you built with his Mom over 6 yrs, plus I am an outsider looking in so it is a lot easier for me to be writing the 'no expectation' response... having said that, I do think it is important to look at what your intentions were b/c it appears like they were more than a 'just because.'
Author KittenMoon Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Ok, admittedly, I had some expectations. What I expected in my head was a card that said no more than "Thank you for the post cards and sorry about what happened. Good luck with your life." I guess I was just surprised I got nothing, based on knowing his mom. :::lowers expectations of people even more...:::
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