Ssheena Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I broke up with him on Monday and have been a wreck since then. I am depressed, cry often and am very sad. He was my best friend and I shared so much with him. I did not break up with him because of something he did, I broke up with him because he and I are in very different places and I feel he needs to get some life experience that I have already gotten (through age, through work, through marriage/divorce/kids etc). I want to tell him that I want to revisit our relationship in 6 months or 3 months or a year but I don't want to give him false hope and I don't know how I will feel in time either. I guess he thinks we are doing the right thing too, which I wasn't really expecting from him. I kind of thought he would want to stay together or at least ask me to think about it. That's sad for me too. I HATE crying at work too.
witabix Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 In situations like these it is understandable to have doubts about the validity of a decision. What you must ask yourself is how you reached this decision, what happened prior to making it? Sometimes when you reach a certain point in a relationship you need to evaluate what is happening. That evaluation can lead to further commitment, or a break. You chose a partial break. That is a little like pulling a band aid off slowly. The pain is lesser but it lasts longer. Tearing the band aid off quickly hurts like hell, but only for a short time. It would appear you are still in the middle of the decision. You must decide what you want in your life, and who you want in your life. There must be good solid reasons for such a decision. Think about why you made the suggestion you made, the reasons why you felt there was a life discrepancy between you both. What has changed? Try to see yourself independently, only view your needs, your aspirations. Be 'self-ish'. For a while.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 I guess it's all about the difference between the short and the long term... a good long term decision can hurt like hell at first. I'm not really clear why you've broken up though... is there a big age gap between you? Care to explain?
Author Ssheena Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 There is a big age difference - 12 years (I'm older). The main differences are that I have been living/working "being" in the real world since I was 18 and he was working for Club Med (which is not in anyway shape or form - real) for about 10+ years and is just now starting his career, taking care of himself etc. He even asked me to take him grocery shopping so I could show him how I decided to buy the food I did. He is 35 going on 22 - very childlike/ish. He is lacsidaisical about his living situation and work situation. He is living at or below poverty level and I make over $100,000 a year. There are just many, many, many differences between us but we loved/love each other. Many, many times I ended up feeling like I was being his mom and taking care of him and he would always ask me what to do. There were/are just too many things that I consider common knowledge that he doesn't have a clue about ie, to make a mattress more comfortable, use a mattress pad instead of just putting a sheet on a mattress or use a toaster oven to warm something up or cook something small in instead of microwaving everything. Eat fruit and vegetables sometimes. Pay your bills on time and keep your cell phone charged and with minutes on it so Gas companies can get ahold of you. Oh, and I did make it a fast ripping off the bandaid. I broke up with him on Monday and that's it. He wanted to talk to me and I wrote him an email and said I just couldn't right now. I explained that I was doing what I thought was right for me and letting him go while I still loved him and while I still respected him (because some of the stuff he did made me lose respect for him). I can't stand it when people say they are going to do this and do that and then don't do it and I forget that I might do that everynow and then too but for the most part, I don't. I know he has depression issues - sometimes he is good but for the most part he was down (which is hard to deal with). I was constently propping him up. He was sooo nice to me though, I haven't had anyone love me like he did in years and years and it was so nice to be accepted and thought of as so wonderful. He told me I was the best thing in his life. I don't know. I'm just going to take it day by day and not write him. When my son told me that he wanted me to call him and when I saw his name in my email box by stomach got all narled up and I got anxious. I have deleted all my chat's, emails and anything that I had saved with our conversations on them so I can't go read them again and again. I think I'll go back to my therapist and focus on what I need right now and I think I'm feeling sorry for him because I know he is sooooo hurt. Thank you.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 25, 2006 Posted April 25, 2006 OK, I get it now. One of my colleagues has been in your position. Her guy is very sweet and she loves him, but it's difficult to get anything done at all, he gets depressed a lot and she ends up mothering him. Not healthy. I agree about going "no contact" for a while. I guess he knows that his disorganisation and lack of drive frustrated you? He needs to know that this does him no favours...
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