Pig.

[blind_otter]

Hee hee hee hee.

 

His penis isn't that small. Thin, I guess, is the issue. Thin.

 

I'm trying not to do the cope and mope.

 

My Mom called me this morning and we talked about my relationship problems and she says, have you been raped? She kind of knew about what happened when I was 4, and only vaguely knew about something bad happening when I was 12. So I told her everything and now she is all fired up and wants to press charges.

 

In any event I guess everything happens for a reason. Blaaaaaaah.

 

My eye swelled up in a weird way today and I stayed home from work. I took a benadryl and passed out. I should have gone to the doc, but I have no insurance. It seems fine now. I probably rubbed mascara into it yesterday when I was crying. Waaaaaaah.

[blind_otter]

I'm still bummed but I got up this morning and went grocery shopping and then washed my dogs.

 

I basically got out of bed and put whatever bottoms I happened to find, which in this case was a denim mini skirt, and went to the store in my shirt that I slept in.

 

Which happens to say "Looking for a Good Ride" in huge print over the boobs. In smaller print it goes on to indicate that I'm selling a bike that belonged to my ex, but no one ever gets to that part of the shirt.

 

So I realize in a daze, since I had no milk so had had no coffee yet, that all the elderly men who are gorcery shopping at 8:30am on a saturday, all stare at me as I walk by. I'm slightly confused. Is my skirt tucked into my panties? Did the dogs eat a hole in the ass part of my skirt? I didn't wash my face, or brush my hair, but I finger combed it, since I wear it up when I sleep at night, so it was just kinda curly. But I had eyeliner that was in a raccoon ring around my eyes.

 

I had no idea that I looked like I went to a club the night before, slept in my clothes, and lost my bra somewhere...until I got home.

 

Moral of the story, no matter how early in the morning it is, check yourself in the mirror before you leave the house. Jeez man, I thought I just looked mildly depressed and crazy.

 

You can take the alcohol away from a lush, and somehow they still manage to look lush-ish.

 

hysterical nihilism.

[zarathustra]

I'm still bummed but I got up this morning and went grocery shopping and then washed my dogs.

 

I basically got out of bed and put whatever bottoms I happened to find, which in this case was a denim mini skirt, and went to the store in my shirt that I slept in.

 

Which happens to say "Looking for a Good Ride" in huge print over the boobs. In smaller print it goes on to indicate that I'm selling a bike that belonged to my ex, but no one ever gets to that part of the shirt.

 

So I realize in a daze, since I had no milk so had had no coffee yet, that all the elderly men who are gorcery shopping at 8:30am on a saturday, all stare at me as I walk by. I'm slightly confused. Is my skirt tucked into my panties? Did the dogs eat a hole in the ass part of my skirt? I didn't wash my face, or brush my hair, but I finger combed it, since I wear it up when I sleep at night, so it was just kinda curly. But I had eyeliner that was in a raccoon ring around my eyes.

 

I had no idea that I looked like I went to a club the night before, slept in my clothes, and lost my bra somewhere...until I got home.

 

Moral of the story, no matter how early in the morning it is, check yourself in the mirror before you leave the house. Jeez man, I thought I just looked mildly depressed and crazy.

 

You can take the alcohol away from a lush, and somehow they still manage to look lush-ish.

 

hysterical nihilism.

 

What a conductive way to spend the morning B_O! sounds like you had a lot done regardless of your presentation.

 

I think that the moral of the story should be no matter how bad you look, its good to be able to hold your head high and be proud of the fact that you can look back on situations like these with humour!

 

With regards to the ex.... girth is more important than length. Just an opinion.

[luvtoto]

Which happens to say "Looking for a Good Ride" in huge print over the boobs. In smaller print it goes on to indicate that I'm selling a bike that belonged to my ex, but no one ever gets to that part of the shirt.

Ha! I have that exact same shirt! I just wear mine around the house though. My daughter won't let me wear it in public. She gets embarassed.

 

Feeling any better?

[ReluctantRomeo]

<--- This is an ass. Which has a much larger penis than BOs dumbass.

Most likely would prove to have more cognitive skills the BOs dumbass if put head to head with her bi-ped micro penis carbon based dumbass.

 

<--- This too is an ass. Modesty prevents me from commenting on cognitive skills. Or penis size

[blind_otter]

Uuuuuugh. I feel weird.

 

I talked to him over the weekend and he apologizes profusely. He is having a hard time dealing with the way I deal with things. Which is as I think everyone knows, but I dunno, I push people away.

 

When I argue I often overload and end up saying "Get out" or "Get the f*** away from me and don't touch me". I guess it's not the best way to say what I need or want.

 

I just don't know what to think. At times when I am calm and I talk to him everything seems ok.

 

I told my mother about my rapes this past weekend. And she called me a few times to touch base. She pointed out that I have "hysterical episodes" -- I have since the second time I was raped. It's like a flashback in slow motion I get freaked out and shaking and crying a lot.

 

She thinks I should stay with my BF, that I need to work on myself and that he provides stability for me. Apparently he called my parents to talk to them about me.

 

It makes me feel like I am a child that everyone talks about, but no one talks to.

[ReluctantRomeo]

When I argue I often overload and end up saying "Get out" or "Get the f*** away from me and don't touch me". I guess it's not the best way to say what I need or want.

 

Probably not

 

I guess you know about "dialling down"?

 

I told my mother about my rapes this past weekend. And she called me a few times to touch base. She pointed out that I have "hysterical episodes" -- I have since the second time I was raped. It's like a flashback in slow motion I get freaked out and shaking and crying a lot.

 

 

At least your mum is onside though. That's good?

 

 

It makes me feel like I am a child that everyone talks about, but no one talks to.

 

Have you talked to them about this?

[blind_otter]

 

Have you talked to them about this?

 

Dialing Down? No I'll google it though.

 

I have mentioned it very rarely. When Iwent through the sub acute siezure cluster I couldn't walk or talk for months and I think my family put me on "enfeebled mode" in their heads. I don't blame them, I had very limited mental capacities at that time, at least on the level that involves communicating with other people. I had stuff going on in my head, but it would take pages to describe what I saw and experienced then....

 

It's like my own emotions are confusing. I never know if I am reacting to what is actually occurring right now, or if it's echoes of reactions that I suppressed long ago because I was too afraid to let myself experience them.

 

I feel like I get possessed by some kind of vicious protectiveness inside of myself. Like there's an observer part of me that is totally detached, watching everything go down, wondering why the hell I am so upset.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Dialing Down? No I'll google it though.

 

Gottman and relationships. In conflict, make a conscious attempt to keep "dialling down" the emotional heat. Eg edit yourself, soft intros, "repairing", backing down, exiting, etc.

 

It's like my own emotions are confusing. I never know if I am reacting to what is actually occurring right now, or if it's echoes of reactions that I suppressed long ago because I was too afraid to let myself experience them.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this

[blind_otter]

thanks for the name, it helped.

[ReluctantRomeo]

thanks for the name, it helped.

 

My pleasure

[grateful]

I hate him and I want him to die in a fiery car crash. No, I want his house to catch on fire and I want him to be perfectly healthy, but have his genitals burned off tragically in the fire.

 

My BF broek up with me AGAIN. This time he said that he lied when he got back together with me the last time, that he was just using me for sex.

 

And now he's too tired of dealing with my crap to tolerate me for my pussy. So he's leaving.

 

I want to say I'm angry but I am sad and I feel so disgustingly dirty. Like I need to walk through a car wash. I wish I had never had sex with him. He had a small penis.

 

Hey there,

I grabbed and quoted your first post because I would suggest you stick with your orginal feelings towards him (the genitals and fire stuff). Look at how different what he said to you is from what you said to him quoted below:

 

 

When I argue I often overload and end up saying "Get out" or "Get the f*** away from me and don't touch me". I guess it's not the best way to say what I need or want.

 

 

The things you say are in the moment. His words were mean and calculating and designed to hurt you. You might be pushing him away in the moment, but his reason for breaking up with you is something designed to push someone away, put them down, and keep them there. He reduced you to nothing more than your pussy. That kind of crap might stick in the back of your head and mess with your own sense of selfworth.

[blind_otter]

I already have things constantly messing with my sense of self worth, from the rapes and the molestation.

 

In many ways, I think I have a deeply held belief that in relationships the only thing I can offer is sex, because I learned that at sucha young age - from the age of 4 on up, when I got attention from men, it was almost always because they sexualized me.

[grateful]

I already have things constantly messing with my sense of self worth, from the rapes and the molestation.

 

In many ways, I think I have a deeply held belief that in relationships the only thing I can offer is sex, because I learned that at sucha young age - from the age of 4 on up, when I got attention from men, it was almost always because they sexualized me.

 

 

I can't find it but didn't you mention up thread that he knows this about you and therefore his method of breakup was meant to exploit this aspect of your emotional makeup?

 

That makes what he said all that much more screwed up and potentially unforgivable.

 

I just don't like to see you take this on yourself for yelling "get out" in the heat of the battle which I think is qualitatively different from what he said to you.

[blind_otter]

Thank you for offering this help. I need this to sort my thoughts out. I tend to take on blame readily, in a weird way. I bend in all different directions trying to make everyone else feel better because I have this delusional belief that because I have gone through so much, I can take on extra emotional burdens for other people.

 

I can identify as a delusional belief but it's a compulsive thing, taking on other peoples burdens. I may be keenly intelligent but my emotional IQ is borderline retarded.

[alphamale]

I may be keenly intelligent but my emotional IQ is borderline retarded.

hmmm....that's a shame.

[grateful]

If you think he provides stability for you and you feel like what he said was forgivable you could give him another chance... I guess what I'm suggesting is that you don't give him another chance while taking all the blame of the situation on yourself.

 

It is especially hard when your mother suggests you should get back together with him. But remember she hasn't been there for all the conversations, fights, etc.

 

We all have flaws and say horrible things. My concern with you bf is that he uses what you are most vulnerable about against you. Were you already fighting when he said it? Was it a heat of the moment type thing? Or did he come across as giving you a prepared-ahead break up speech with this kind of put down included? If it was premedidated I would definitely question if he has your best interests at heart.

 

Either way though he inintiated the break up at a really hard time in your life, suggesting his emotional IQ might not be that high either.

 

You are the only one that can decide if the kind of emotional support he can give you right now will help you or hurt you through what you are going through with your family. Perhaps you need time away from him to focus on yourself, your dad, and your feelings.

 

You are so self aware about yourself and taking on others people's burdens. I definitely struggle with this same characteristic. I know this about myself and I still do it all the damn time. It's hard to unlearn something like this, I think particularly hard for women who've learned to put ourselves last.

[blind_otter]

You are so self aware about yourself and taking on others people's burdens. I definitely struggle with this same characteristic. I know this about myself and I still do it all the damn time. It's hard to unlearn something like this, I think particularly hard for women who've learned to put ourselves last.

 

Yeah. Growing up I was taught that the highest honor a woman could achieve was the act of sacrificing herself in order to put her family first.

 

We were in a heated argument. The is almost a formula to how we argue. I usually get upset about something he says. Then I bring it up and we start doing this back and forth, you said this, I meant that, I feel this, you feel that, stop telling me how I feel, then I get overloaded and tell him to get the f*** out.

 

He takes this as me initiating a breakup. He leaves, gets anxious, calls me, I'm still upset but I do this anxious-avoidant attachment thing where I pull him close and angrily push him away. Like after he leaves, I resent him for it, and I can't just let go of that. He always comes back too soon, and we argue more and end up saying the most hateful damaging things to each other.

 

....

[grateful]

Do you ever talk about your arguing style? Y'know some time when things are going good and you haven't argued in a while, sit down and discuss your arguing pattern. It might give you the opportunity to say something like "when I say 'get out' it is because I am overloaded at that moment, and I am not breaking up with you, I just need a little time." That might stop or at least lessen his anxiety. I know that my SO's and mine fights are so much more productive now that we live together and have been together long enough to know that we are in it for the long haul. That anxiety about it ending really gets in the way of productive arguing. Maybe you could at least allieviate that anxiety for him and break the cycle of your reactive anxiety.

 

That's also a good opportunity to tell him that using your emotional vulnerabilities is unacceptable. That he should not reduce you to having no value aside from your pussy in any circumstance!

[blind_otter]

Do you ever talk about your arguing style? Y'know some time when things are going good and you haven't argued in a while, sit down and discuss your arguing pattern. It might give you the opportunity to say something like "when I say 'get out' it is because I am overloaded at that moment, and I am not breaking up with you, I just need a little time." That might stop or at least lessen his anxiety. I know that my SO's and mine fights are so much more productive now that we live together and have been together long enough to know that we are in it for the long haul. That anxiety about it ending really gets in the way of productive arguing. Maybe you could at least allieviate that anxiety for him and break the cycle of your reactive anxiety.

 

That's also a good opportunity to tell him that using your emotional vulnerabilities is unacceptable. That he should not reduce you to having no value aside from your pussy in any circumstance!

 

I think this would be a good idea. My history of abusive relationships makes me terrified deep down, to bring up anything that reminds me or has the potential of bringing up the memory of the argument.

 

It really is a struggle to get back into normalcy after even a year-long abusive relationship. I have only recently realized this.

 

Thank you so so much for helping me! You asked the right questions.

[grateful]

Thank you so so much for helping me! You asked the right questions.

 

 

Wow thanks back at you for saying that. I'm sitting here procrastinating on the writing/editing I need to be doing and now I feel like I've been productive (albeit in a different way, but nonetheless!)

 

I wish you all the best.

[Lishy]

BO I think the problem here is that you have not met the right guy for you. I do not think that you can take his hurtful words and just discard them and forget about it, becuase of your past and baby you have had it hard!

 

I honestly think you you need some YOU time, just being single and discovering YOU and where you go wrong. My ex would say awful, disgusting things to me and then want to have sex! Why would I want to have sex with a guy who has just slated me? But I would do it as he would get even more angry if I didnt and I just wanted to keep the peace. We had a child together and we had built a whole life together. To take his child from him was the hardest thing I had ever done. However he was to me he was (and still is) wonderful with our son!

 

You, like me, need someone in our lives who is kind and calm and not bad tempered. We also need a very mentally mature man who can give us that love we crave without the BS abuse!

 

Face it honey, you are in another abusive relationship and however nice he can be he can also be evil with the words he spews at you! You are so lovely and you do not deserve this. Albeit YOU also need to look at how YOU deal with arguments and change that. I think it is too late to change it with this guy, you have both set the tone for this relationship and I do not think anything will change here, only get worse.

 

My advice would be to get out now whilst you still can and find yourself, then find a nice guy who compliments your life and enhances it, rather than plays childish games with you and puts you down. Any guy who would throw your fears in your face (like my ex did) does not love you, they just dont want to be alone.

 

This is why I am so scared to get into another relationship... I could not handle another abusive one!