amandagirl Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Help me out here. I decided to date again after about a year and a half. I was previously stalked and was a little nervous to let anyone in. After counseling and time by myself I have recovered. My friends fixed me up with a "great" guy. He's 36 I'm 37. He's been married once for two years - she cheated on him. I was married for ten years and have two kids. He came on really strong. Treated me like a queen. I have never been in a relationship where someone showed such respect for me. GOOD DEAL. Well here goes. After about a month of just casual dating and meeting a couple of his close friends one night, He and I were invited to his friend's birthday party. Plans were made and he asked that I follow him down there. I met up with him and he was acting peculiar - I went on ahead anyway. We got down there and he pretty much ignored me - with not but maybe two words said to me. I was left alone to sit on the couch and make small talk with strangers. I was going to leave when one of the girls (the wife of the birthday boy) pleaded with me to stay. I went ahead against my better judgement. I was then wondering what was wrong with me. I am in great shape and am considered a pretty person. I did not come on with him in any way that would make him feel trapped, weird, or annoyed (remember - I am taking things slowly for my own sanity). After that incident - he told me that he was just having a bad day because he was shorted two days on his check. After that - things went really screwy. He said he was afraid of dating someone seriously - of which I never asked for and promptly told him that. He also said that he had only dated one other time in the ten years he has been divorced and the same thing happened. HE said he felt he needed to get some counseling. He has continued to text me constantly and call but when we make plans - or he knows I have some free time he either breaks it by being sick or working too much - whatever. I will add one last point. Last weekend I was out at a nice restaurant with my friends and he texted me ALOT. I finally responded by stating i was out with friends and he pretty much burned up the phone from that point on, asking where I was and if I was on a date. I told him that I was possibly being set up - which I was thru someone who has been a friend for some time. He flew back to my house the next morning and we had sex for the first time. He calls alot and texted however - it is the same crap - he makes plans then "something" comes up and he can't make it or whatever. Tell me if I should kiss this guy off - This has been a HUGE blow to my self esteem and given what I have been through in the past - I am second guessing whether I should be in the dating world or not. Help me out here - oh wise ones.
MadDog Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Sounds like he's the one with the issues, not you. How about dating someone else who doesn't have all the heavy baggage?
Author amandagirl Posted April 20, 2006 Author Posted April 20, 2006 I didn't think he had any heavy baggage - or I would NOT have put myself in this position - Kiss him off?
MadDog Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 I didn't think he had any heavy baggage - or I would NOT have put myself in this position - Kiss him off? Obviously you didn't know he had baggage initially but now you know. You have to use this new information and do the right things which is to dump him. It's seriously a waste of time and energy dating someone with issues like his. If you hang around, you'll be posting "I was hoping he'd change but he hasn't" on here a few months from now.
Author amandagirl Posted April 20, 2006 Author Posted April 20, 2006 Thank You - Will have to do the deed whenever I see him next. We were supposed to do something tonight - but he just texted and said he fell asleep and now wants to come over.
MadDog Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Good luck. Just remember, there are hundreds of thousands of guys out there for you to meet. He's nowhere near your best option at this point.
riobikini Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 There are some guys who take their girlfriends along to a party where only their friends are present and don't realize it isn't such a good idea until the last minute. The main reason he realizes it isn't such a hot idea is due to the *types* of relationships he may have had with some of the guests, -namely other females. It would explain why he didn't want to appear so 'into' you. Some guys have learned, too, that once they have gotten themselves into this dilema, that staying by your side to deflect the conversations of others is risky so they play it another way. His friends know him much better than you and know his history with women, -they could accidentally say something in a conversation which would reveal what they know about all that in front of you. Which might be embarrassing, -or simply very telling of who he really is as a person. It might have been fear of this happening, which would explain his not wanting to be near you (right smack in front of you) because it would draw his friends into a possible conversation with you in order for the 'spilled beans' to happen. From a short distance he could 'bee-line' towards you if he saw someone coming to approach you and speak to you. That way, he could 'manage' the situation rather well for a short time. But, if that isn't the right answer, -maybe he's just a jerk who wants to remain the 'free-spirit' that all his friends admire, and really doesn't want a serious or semi-serious relationship, at all, -just the comforts of one: the 'want-my-cake-and-eat-it-too' syndrome. It really doesn't matter about the 'why' anymore, just be glad for the info now, -it might have been a really hurtful mess later on. -Rio
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